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Review: "Bone Warriors" by Bron Bahlmann

Cindy Beck



"Bone Warriors" is a highly imaginative, fantasy adventure novel about two teenage boys, Derrik and Tweaks, and the journey that defines their lives. Derrik and Tweaks are among the few survivors when a wicked Necromancer attacks their village. With their families taken hostage, Derrik is determined to find them, regardless of the cost. Tweaks, being the ever-loyal friend, goes along to help. The journey is fraught with peril, however. Along the way they meet a snake man, a giant cow, and a myriad of bizarre "people" and creatures that are determined to kill them.

Fantasy readers will love the descriptions, the twists and turns to the plot, and the unique way in which Bron Bahlmann brings the story to its conclusion. In addition, Bahlmann's imaginative creatures will alternately evoke every emotion between love and hate, with humor thrown in between. My favorite character, Clatterin, plays an important role, but I'll not ruin the surprise by telling you how. You'll have to read it and see.

"Bone Warriors" is an enjoyable, well-written novel, especially coming from a writer as young as Bahlmann. At fifteen, he's an author everyone should keep their eyes on.

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Summer Treasure Hunt

Posted by Cindy Beck
(Keywords: Cindy Beck, contests, treasure hunt, summer, give away, prizes, free, play, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh, humor)

WELCOME TO THE "SUMMER TREASURE HUNT: DIG FOR CLUES AND WIN" CONTEST!




Some friends and I have put together an exciting contest to kick off your summer! Beginning June 1st, we will be giving away a prize a day. That’s right: 30 days, 30 treasures! There should be something for everyone: romance, mystery, historical, contemporary, and young adult fiction; children’s picture books; a variety of non-fiction; and just to liven things up even more, we’ve included a few exciting non-book prizes: a free 30 page manuscript edit, for you aspiring authors out there; an e-bay gift certificate; and a gift-certificate for a Vinyl Expressions Quote.

My prize is offered on Thursday, June 11, but why not try for all of them? And how can you win these fabulous prizes? Follow the rules below:

SUMMER TREASURE HUNT RULES:

You can send in an entry for each day’s prize, or only for those prizes that strike your fancy. The rules are simple:

(1) Go to the website or blog indicated for each day, find the answer to the question for that day, then email the answer with your name and mailing address to our contest coordinator, jdipastena@yahoo.com.

(2) Please send a separate entry for each day and type the day you are entering in the subject line. (Such as: Treasure Hunt, Day 1; Treasure Hunt, Day 2, etc).

(3) Deadline for each day: Midnight PST

(4) The winner will be contacted and announced on the day following the deadline.

You do not have to wait until the designated day to enter. You can start sending in your entries right now, or begin entering at any point along the way. And check back here to read the names of the winners. (I'll try to post the names regularly, but will be tied up on occasion, so bear with me. You can always check at Joyce's site for the winners.)

If you have any questions, feel free to email Joyce DiPastena at jdipastena@yahoo.com.

And now…let the treasure hunt begin!

June 1
SPONSOR: Aubrey Mace
PRIZE: autographed copy of my new YA fiction book, My Fairy Grandmother.
QUESTION: What is the title of my upcoming book to be released Fall 2009?
WEBSITE/BLOG: aubreymace.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 2
SPONSOR: Rachel Rager
PRIZE: By Love or By Sea, romance, autographed copy
QUESTION: What question does the stranger ask Alice? (Hint: Read excerpt of By Love or By Sea on the “Reading Room” page.)
WEBSITE/BLOG: rachelrager.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 3
SPONSOR: Josi S. Kilpack
PRIZE: An autographed copy of culinary mystery Lemon Tart OR a pre-ordered copy of English Trifle (release date is August 2009)
QUESTION: How many original recipes are included in the culinary mystery, Lemon Tart? (Hint: click on “Lemon Tart” tab on website)
WEBSITE/BLOG: josiskilpack.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 4
SPONSOR: Cindy R. Williams
PRIZE: Arizona Glyph Award Finalist: Chase McKay Didn’t Get Up Today, children’s snuggle, giggle picture book. Autographed by the author and the real Chase McKay.
QUESTION: What is the name of the dragon book Cindy is completing?
WEBSITE/BLOG: cindyrwilliams.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 5
SPONSOR: Kersten Campbell
PRIZE: Autographed Copy of the motherhood humor book: Confessions of a Completely (In)Sane MotherQUESTION: What does the dog beg for when he escapes into the neighbor's house in the book Confessions of a Completely Insane Mother? (hint: if they click on the book they'll find the answer)
WEBSITE/BLOG: kerstencampbell.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 6
SPONSOR: Lara Niedemeyer
PRIZE: $20 gift certificate towards merchandise and shipping at my store—8pizza on eBay
QUESTION: What is the lowest priced item and what is the highest priced item listed in 8pizza’s store? (Hint: use the “Sort By” feature).
WEBSITE/BLOG: stores.shop.ebay.com/8pizza
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 7
Sponsor's name: Kathi Oram Peterson
Prize: Autographed copy of The Forgotten Warrior, YA Inspirational Time travel
Question Who is Tarik?
WEBSITE/BLOG: kathiorampeterson.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 8
SPONSOR: Donna Hatch
PRIZE: Autographed copy of paperback of the Regency Romance, The Stranger She Married
QUESTION: What is Cole accused of doing?
WEBSITE/BLOG: donnahatch.net (Hint: read the excerpt under “Bookshelf” tab for The Stranger She Married)
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL WINNER, AN E-BOOK VERSION OF THE STRANGER SHE MARRIED WILL BE AWARDED
WINNER:

June 9
SPONSOR: Diony George
PRIZE: Autographed copy of Torn Apart, novel based on a true story. "If it could happen to Alyson, it could happen to anyone..."
QUESTION: What TV station interviewed Diony about her book? (Hint watch video for the answer)
WEBSITE/BLOG: diony-george.blogspot.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 10
SPONSOR: Tina Scott
PRIZE: autographed copy of Coyote's Grand Adventure, children's picture book
QUESTION: What did Coyote always dream of doing? (Hint: Look under “Library” tab)
WEBSITE/BLOG: tinascott.net
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 11
SPONSOR: Cindy Beck
PRIZE: Winner's choice of one of the following anthologies featuring Cindy's stories (autographed copy): My Dad is My Hero, Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors, or Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers.
QUESTION: What was the name of my horse? (Hint: You can find the answer by going to the website and clicking on the button marked "Books."
WEBSITE/BLOG: bythebecks.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 12
SPONSOR: Valerie Ipson
PRIZE: $15 gift certificate and free shipping for a Vinyl Expressions’ Vinyl Lettering quote (check out vinylsignsanddesigns.blogspot.com for examples of prize)
QUESTION: What is Valerie’s personal writing quote? (Hint: see quotes in right sidebar under “OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF WRITERLY PEOPLE”: Valerie’s “personal quote” means just that…her very own quote!)
WEBSITE/BLOG: valerieipson.blogspot.com/
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 13
SPONSOR: Joyce DiPastena
PRIZE: 2007 Whitney Award Finalist: Loyalty’s Web, medieval romance, autographed by author
QUESTION: What is HelĂ©ne’s prayer when Gunthar brushes her cheek with his thumb? (Hint: Click on “Excerpt” tab on website)
WEBSITE/BLOG: joyce-dipastena.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL WINNER, A $20 AMAZON.COM E-CERTIFICATE WILL BE AWARDED TOWARDS THE PURCHASE OF A COPY OF LOYALTY’S WEB
WINNER:

June 14
SPONSOR: Joan Sowards
PRIZE: LDS Word Puzzles
QUESTION: What is Bednar?
WEBSITE: joansowards.com/node/110
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 15
SPONSOR: Anne Bradshaw
PRIZE: Autographed copy of Please, No Zits! & Other Short Stories for LDS Youth, but non-LDS youth enjoy it, too! - YA genre (12 upward)
QUESTION: What does author Jeffrey S. Savage say about Please, No Zits? (Hint: scroll down right sidebar on blog)
WEBSITE/BLOG: annebradshaw.blogspot.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 16
SPONSOR: Laurie (L.C.) Lewis
PRIZE: an autographed copy of BOOK ONE of her Free Men and Dreamers series, Dark Sky at Dawn.
QUESTION: What current political situation has caused a verse of the Star Spangled Banner to be nearly forgotten? (Hint: click on “news” link on website)
WEBSITE: laurielclewis.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL WINNER, A $25 AMAZON.COM E-CERTIFICATE WILL BE AWARDED TOWARDS THE PURCHASE OF A COPY OF DARK SKY AT DAWN.
WINNER:

June 17
SPONSOR: Jaimey Grant
PRIZE: FREE download of the eBook of your choice (Betrayal, Spellbound, Heartless, or Redemption)
QUESTION: What was the title of the very first Regency romance that Jaimey wrote from beginning to end? (Hint: Check out the post titled: "My Mind: What a Twisted Place to Live")
WEBSITE/BLOG: WEBSITE/BLOG: jaimeygrant.blogspot.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 18
SPONSOR: Danyelle Ferguson
PRIZE: Free 30 page edit of your manuscript ($30 value)
QUESTION: How does Danyelle's business card describe her? (Hint: check right sidebar on blog)
WEBSITE/BLOG: queenoftheclan.blogspot.com/
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: Danyelle says: “If they live in the USA, I will print their 30 pages, hand edit, then mail back. If they live outside the USA, I will edit the .doc file and email back.”
WINNER:

June 19
SPONSOR: Walnut Springs Press
PRIZE: I Can't Believe It's Food Storage by Crystal Godfrey (non-fiction)
QUESTION: What is the most recent new release listed on our blog? (Hint: check out post for April 13, 2009)
WEBSITE/BLOG: walnutspringspress.blogspot.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 20
SPONSOR: Caroline Gregory and Shawnette Nielson
PRIZE: Puppy Stew, children’s picture book. Finalist for Foreward Book Of The Year award. (NOTE: if you would like an autographed copy, please note it in your entry.)
QUESTION: “In order to stay warm, what do you wear underneath your shoes?” (Hint: look under the “Witchisms” tab on website)
WEBSITE/BLOG: puppystew.net
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 21
SPONSOR: Marion Webb-De Sisto.
PRIZE: An autographed copy of her ground-breaking book, Crystal Skulls.
QUESTION: Does this book explore ancient crystal skulls or contemporary ones? (Hint: Take a look at “Books” in the main menu)
WEBSITE/BLOG: marionwebb-desisto.com
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 22
SPONSOR: Inglestone Publishing
PRIZE: Autographed copy of Counting the Cost by Liz Adair
QUESTION: What is the name of the main male character in Counting the Cost?
WEBSITE/BLOG: inglestonepublishing.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 23
SPONSOR: Cecily Markland/Inglestone Publishing
PRIZE: Autographed copy of children’s picture book, If I Made a Bug, by Cecily Markland
QUESTION: Who is the illustrator of If I Made a Bug? (Hint: the “bookstore” tab)
WEBSITE/BLOG: inglestonepublishing.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 24
SPONSOR'S NAME: . Jacquie Rogers
PRIZE: Faery Special Romances (YA novel)
Autographed in USA, not autographed elsewhere.
QUESTION: Why does our family support Neurofibromatosis research? (Hint: Click on “Neurofibromatosis research” link and read Mercedes Rice’s story)
WEBSITE: http://jacquierogers.com/faerysr.html
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES: WINNER LIVING IN A COUNTRY NOT DIRECTLY SERVED BY AN ONLINE BOOKSTORE WILL RECEIVE A PDF COPY.
WINNER:

June 25
SPONSOR: Terry Deighton
PRIZE: Cup of Comfort for New Mothers (non-fiction, anthology)
QUESTION: Name any two titles from the Cup of Comfort series. (Hint: Look in the store.)
WEBSITE/BLOG: cupofcomfort.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 26
SPONSOR: Leatherwood Press
PRIZE: Messiah: The Little-known Story of Handel’s Beloved Oratorio, by Tim Slover
QUESTION: Who was the art designer for Messiah: The Little Known Story of Handel’s Beloved Oratorio? (Hint: see post for May 15, 2009)
WEBSITE/BLOG: jdp-news.blogspot.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 27
SPONSOR: Dawson Publishing
PRIZE: Copy of The No Cussing Club by McKay Hatch
QUESTION: How many members of the No Cussing Club are there to date
WEBSITE: nocussing.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 28
SPONSOR: Nicole Zoltack
PRIZE: Woman of Honor (fantasy romance ebook)
QUESTION: What color is Caelan's eyes?
WEBSITE/BLOG: nicolezoltack.blogspot.com/
OPEN TO INTERNATIONAL ENTRIES
WINNER:

June 29
SPONSOR: Sarah M. Eden
PRIZE: An autographed copy of the Sarah M. Eden Regency romance of your choice
QUESTION: "Name all 7 Jonquil brothers." (Hint: check out "The Jonquil Brothers Series" tab)
WEBSITE/BLOG: sarahmeden.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

June 30
SPONSOR: Marsha Ward
PRIZE: LDStorymakers Writing Secrets
QUESTION: Who is Rulon? (Hint: Click on The Man from Shenandoah under “Novels” in Menu on website)
WEBSITE/BLOG: marshaward.com
USA ENTRIES ONLY
WINNER:

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A Punny Monday ... posted by Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, puns, punny, jokes, King Arthur, Aleutian, Knight in Rusty Armour, humorous writing, humorous blog, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh, humor)



Puns—ya gotta love 'em. Or maybe groan at 'em. With the exception of a few unpunny people, however, everyone enjoys reading them.

With that end in mind, I’ve posted a list I think you’ll enjoy (author unknown, received in an email from a friend). Leave a comment and let me know which was your favorite—mine was the one about a knight at King Arthur's round table.


~~PUNS FOR THE EDUCATED MIND~~

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the
other, "You stay here, I'll go on a head."

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, "Keep off the Grass."

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.


What's playing in my head: Knight in Rusty Armour sung by Peter and Gordon.

Looking for great LDS gifts, articles, and services? Take a minute to browse through yourLDSNeighborhood.com.

And while you're there, subscribe to their fantastic newsletter, which brings you articles, products, services, resources and interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Neighborhood Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.

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Rolayne, the Telemarketer … by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, phone, telephone, telemarketing, pranks, Magic 8-Ball, humorous writing, humorous blog, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh, humor)



My husband, Russ, likes to pull pranks on our family and his favorite one involves his alter-ego, Rolayne. For example, he might call his sister on the phone and when she answers, he’ll raise his voice to a falsetto and say, “Hi. This is Rolayne. I haven’t seen you in a while, honey. What say we put on some lipstick and head to a disco club? By the way, girlfriend, would you like to buy some sweaty gym socks?” Before Russ’s sister has a chance to stop laughing and catch her breath, Rolayne keeps saying weirder things and adding in more bizarre sale items.

Rolayne is a legend throughout Russ’s family and that “woman” has offered to sell—among other things—burned out light bulbs to our son, and used baby diapers to Russ’s mom. Each time Russ does it, I get up off the floor, wipe tears of laughter from my eyes, and say, “One of these days that will backfire on you.”

Really, am I clairvoyant, or what? My psychic advice is so much better than what Russ would get from a Magic 8-Ball.

Before I go any farther, though, let me give a little background information. My cell phone has ringtones assigned to specific callers. The tone assigned to our son, Dave, started with a metallic twang that caused me to catapult out of my chair, burning my forehead on the overhead light. Being a quick learner, I changed the ring after five or six months.

Fortunately for the sake of blog fodder—but unfortunately for Russ—the ringtone for all the other calls still sounded similar to Dave’s old tone. And the other day when my cell phone rang, Russ answered it …

Russ: Hello.

College Kid: Hi. I’m interested in your rental home.

Russ: Okay, and when were you looking at renting?

College Kid: This summer. Can you tell me how much you charge?

Russ: (thinking the caller is Dave, taking revenge for the burned-out light bulbs): 5 million dollars a weekend.

College Kid: Oh!

Russ: And how many people will be renting?

College Kid: There are two of us.

Russ: Well, the amount I gave was per person.

College Kid: (No words. Long, dead silence.)

Russ (pausing as a dim, but environmentally-conscious, energy-efficient, mercury-filled light bulb blinks on over his head): Umm … who is this?

College Kid: Jeff Swanson*

Russ: Sorry. I thought you were my son.

College Kid: I’m not your son.

Russ: So, you were really looking at renting?

College Kid: Not any more.


I have to say that even though Rolayne hadn’t meant to show up, it was her finest hour.

*This is not College Kid’s real name. Please note that no college students were injured, maimed, or otherwise harmed in the events leading up to this blog—although, there is a student who’s probably walking around in a daze. And let me reassure you that I didn’t make the phone conversation up, either. Just call Rolayne at 1-800-I-Sell-Sweaty-Gym-Socks and ask her.


What's playing in my head: It Might be You (Theme song from "Tootsie") by Stephen Bishop.


Looking for great LDS gifts, articles, and services? Take a minute to browse through yourLDSNeighborhood.com.

And while you're there, subscribe to their fantastic newsletter, which brings you articles, products, services, resources and interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Neighborhood Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.

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Equal Time for Cats ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, cats, furry felines, wacky, Andrew Lloyd Webber, humorous writing, humorous blog, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh, humor)




Last week I showcased a dog playing dead, so it's only fair to give equal time to cats. The clip below features furry felines at their wackiest, and it made me laugh so hard I couldn't see the screen through the tears in my eyes.

Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!



What's playing in my head: Something appropriately muscial from Cats by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Looking for great LDS gifts, articles, and services? Take a minute to browse through yourLDSNeighborhood.com.

And while you're there, subscribe to their fantastic newsletter, which brings you articles, products, services, resources and interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Neighborhood Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.

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