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Medical Terms

Maybe it's because I studied medical terminology in college—back before I realized that I didn't really like needles and being in a hospital gave me the whim-whams—that these definitions seem so funny. Or, possibly it's because they are funny that they seem so ... well ... rib-tickling! Regardless of the reasons for my own enjoyment, I know you'll get a kick out of them.

MEDICAL DEFINITIONS

ANTIBODY - against everyone

BENIGN - what you be after you be eight

BOWEL - letters like a, e, i, o, u

CESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome

CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty

CHRONIC - neck of a crow

COMA - punctuation mark

CORTISONE - area around local courthouse

CYST - short for sister

DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose

DILATE - the late British princess

DISLOCATION - in this place

DUODENUM - couple in jeans

ENEMA - not a friend

FALSE LABOR - pretending to work

GALL BLADDER - bladder in a girl

GENES - blue denim

HERNIA - she is close by

IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known

LABOR PAIN - hurt at work

LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot

LYMPH - walk unsteadily

MICROBES - small dressing gowns

OBESITY - city of Obe

PROTEIN - in favor of teens

PULSE - grain

PUS - small cat

RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula

SECRETION - hiding anything

SERUM - sailors' drink

SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough

TABLET - small table

TUMOR - extra pair

ULTRASOUND - radical noise

From GCFL.net

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If you get a sec, drop off a comment and tell me which one you enjoyed the most. My favorite was the definition for "benign." I'm still chuckling over it.

Red Light-Green Light ... by C.L. Beck

I'll bet a number of you remember playing the game, Red Light-Green Light, as kids. It's the game where you only move forward when the person who's "it" turns his back on you. I'm guessing most of you won more often than I did, too!

I've seen it played with cub scouts and other youngsters, but this is the first time I've ever seen it played with a cat. Hope you enjoy this ... it had me shaking my head and laughing.




And now that you've watched the video, drop off a comment and tell me your favorite childhood game. Mine was Hide and Seek.

Words of Wisdom from Miss Knows-Nothing ... by C.L. Beck


Image by the Coca Cola Company, Wikimedia Commons

C.L. Beck: Although it is not my normal inclination to enter arenas of sensitive, public opinion, today I have a guest who has no problems speaking her mind on any subject and rarely often utters great words of wisdom. With that being said, I’d like to welcome readers to another episode of “Miss Knows-Nothing.” As you may remember from a past blog, Miss Knows-Nothing is that wonderful, church-going woman who wears high hair and white gloves. She’s currently finishing out her second term as a U.S. senator. Not long ago, she wrestled an alligator that fell in her cesspool and is reported to have said, “It was much like having dinner with certain members of Congress.”

Our first question for the esteemed Senator comes from a professor of horticulture who teaches at Brigham Young University—otherwise known by single LDS adults as B.Y.Woo–who asks:


Illustrious BYU Prof: Autumn is on its way and I’d like for my tomatoes to ripen faster. What can I do?

Miss Knows-Nothing: Go out to the garden and stare at them. This will embarrass the tomatoes and they’ll turn red.

Illustrious BYU Prof
: But what should I do if I see a bug on one of them?

Miss Knows-Nothing:
According to my extensive knowledge gained from watching James Bond, you shouldn’t talk. Then the bug won’t pick up your voice.

C.L. Beck:
Thank you for those great questions, sir. Now, let’s try someone new. How about that lady waving her hand in the back?

Waving Lady:
So pleased to meet you, Miss Knows-Nothing. I’m a harried housewife—

Miss Knows-Nothing: You’re a hairy housewife? Oh, you poor dear. Try electrolysis.

Waving Hairy Lady: No, no, not hairy. Harried. I’m a harried housewife and am considering buying a robot vacuum cleaner to help with the cleaning. Do you think this is a good idea?

Miss Knows-Nothing:
In theory, a robot vacuum cleaner vacuums the floors. In actuality, they head for the nearest couch and jam themselves under it. This happens approximately every thirty seconds, thereby dispelling the notion that robot vacuum cleaners actually give you time to do something other than unstick stuck vacuum cleaners. I have one named Myrtle, so I should know.

Waving Hairy Lady:
Besides cleaning the house, I have another problem. I feel like a failure as a mother because every time I give my toddler a vitamin he spits it out, hitting his brother in the head with it. What should I do?

Miss Knows-Nothing:
Tell the brother to stand else elsewhere.

C.L. Beck: Yes. Okay then. Enough questions from the hooey-palooey wonderful people in the back. Let’s hear from the dictator of Venezuela, Hugo Ch├ívez, over there in the corner.

El Dictator: Not long ago, I got a piece of bread wedged in the toaster and when I stuck a fork in to retrieve it, I was almost electrocuted. What can I do about that?

Miss Knows-Nothing: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Maybe a wet fork would do it.

Oh, you mean about the bread? Don’t worry about that. Burning toast is a great way to test the kitchen smoke detector.

All of which reminds me of a related thought I had today. If you take your dog for a walk on a mountain trail, you’re expected to clean up his doggy-doody.

If you take your horse for a walk on that same trail, you are not expected to clean up his horse-hockey. Go figure.

C.L. Beck:
Umm … very profound. Next question, please. The little man in the uniform, on the front row.

Little Uniformed Dude: Speaking of doggy-doody, I’m the caretaker for the city cemetery and we leave the gates open for the public during the day, but loose dogs run through. What action should the city council take to correct this problem?

Miss Knows-Nothing: They could follow the example of my esteemed colleagues in Congress and present a bill, then discuss it, then filibuster it, then table it until after the holidays. Or you could just close the gates and the public can open them when they want to enter the grounds. When my hubby and I were at the cemetery the other day, we noticed a “No Dogs Allowed” sign. Apparently our city council thinks the loose dogs can read.

C.L. Beck: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I hate to bring this exciting bloginar to an end but I’m afraid that’s all the time there is for today. If any of you have a question for Miss Knows-Nothing, you can mail it to her at:

Miss Knows-Nothing
C/O Congress That Does Nothing
Washington, D.C. 20510

As an alternative, you may speak your question directly into your computer screen, which is being monitored for political correctness by the CIA, FBI, and the USDA.

Or better yet, leave a comment below.

[Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by Miss Knows-Nothing are entirely her own and do not represent the opinions of any organization, person, place, animal, vegetable, or mineral.]


------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

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Penguin and Killer Whales

Penguins are funny little animals—birds with wings and yet they can't fly, which puts them at a distinct disadvantage when being chased by killer whales. And if having wings and not being able to fly isn't unique enough, wait until you see what the one in this video does. By the time you finish watching it, you'll be shaking your head in amazement at the way he outsmarts a group of killer whales. Enjoy!




If you get a minute, drop off a comment and let me know what you think of this penguin's ingenuity.

AND NOW ... for the winner of the $25 Sam's Club gift card: (Small trumpets herald in the distance) NATALIE A! Congratulations to Natalie, and a thank you to all who entered the contest during the past two weeks.