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Android at Five O'clock ... by C.L. Beck

A humorous article sponsored by your friends at Home Alarm Systems
 

Photo © Deloan (sxc.hu/photo/1233074) 

There are days when I think the electronic age is not nearly as cool as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates make it out to be.

The other morning Russ got up early to go to the gym, and woke me in the process. Just as I entered that sweet, falling-back-asleep spot, his phone came to life.

"DROID," it shouted at the top of its stupid lungs.

Believe me when I say that computer geeks have vastly improved the speakers on cell phones. And they (not the phones, but the geeks) deserve to be convicted by twelve and buried by six when those same speakers work so well at five in the morning.

 In my half-asleep state, I picked up The Judge, a .45 caliber which sits close by the bed for precisely such a life-threatening situation. Yes, that emergency in which a very loud burglar--who sounds like an android--enters my bedroom.

I blinked my eyes rapidly, hoping they'd focus without glasses. In my semi-conscious state, I saw a skinny, well-dressed assailant near the bedroom door.

Oh, all right. Maybe not skinny, but at least a well-rounded, classy, middle-aged thief.

Well, sheesh. You won't let me get away with anything, will you? So ... a chubby burglar, dressed like a never-been-fashionable-in-her-entire-life older woman stood by the door.

Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense that a burglar would dress unfashionably, but in my semi-comatose state, I didn't think of that. I also didn't wonder why our ADT home alarm system didn't go off.

What? You'd like to know a little bit more about ADT alarm systems before I go on? Well, I'm always happy to oblige, and to direct you to the friendly staff at home-alarm-systems.com ... especially when I'm writing a blog that's sponsored by them.

Seriously, if you're thinking of getting home security, then you'll want something that has remote access, allowing you to control it from your laptop or cell phone. You'll also want a customer monitoring center with around the clock monitoring. And most importantly, you'll want one that is easy to use, designed with simplicity in mind. Yup, so that young and old alike can use it. Especially those that are old. Not that I'm old! No. Never.  

Well, okay, I am a mature gal.

But, if you're anything like me, electronics totally put you in a flibbertigibbet, and an easy-to-use alarm system is great. It gives a sense of security and peace of mind knowing that the family is safe from harm and possible hazards. So, if you're interested in a state-of-the-art system, check out the above link for Home Alarm Systems.

And now, back to the story ...

As I said before, a chubby burglar dressed like a never-been-fashionable-in-her-entire-life older woman stood by the door.

Fortunately, Russ dashed back into the bedroom just in time to prevent me from blowing away my clothes that hung on a hook on the back of the bedroom door. Clothes. No wonder the alarm system didn't go off.

Well, that and it wasn't turned on.

I'm happy to say--for however much it's worth and for whatever it actually means--that all's well that ends well. Which is a good thing, because otherwise it would have been necessary to go shopping for new apparel.

And it's pretty hard wearing those currently fashionable, stretched-tight-over-the-bosom shirts at this point in life. Having our blessings hang at waist level is supposed to the be result of aging ... not our shirts getting tighter.

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Author's Note: If you enjoyed this almost totally true article--well, written with a little artistic license--sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on future fun.

"Android at Five O'clock" © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck  
Tags: Android, Droid, The Judge, Home-Alarm-Systems.com

(Disclosure: This is a paid article sponsored by home-alarm-systems.com. For more disclosure information, please click on the link in the right sidebar to read the disclosure page.)


6 comments:

Gennie said...

Skinny, well dressed, and classy for sure. :)

Cindy Beck, author said...

Gennie: Thanks so much for your kind words. Oooo, I love warm fuzzies and compliments. (Heck, I'll even settle for lies! :o)

Anna Maria Junus said...

I never thought about shooting my clothes and blaming it on an intruder. I wonder if insurance would cover a new wardrobe.

Cindy Beck, author said...

Anna: Now why didn't I think of that? Insurance! Too bad Russ stopped me before I was able to get a new wardrobe ... er ... I mean ... shoot the intruder! :)

Slamdunk said...

Glad you spared the life of that innocent garment Cindy. It will live to be worn another day.

Cindy Beck, author said...

Slamdunk: Yes, and with my love of clothes shopping, it'll probably live another 10 years ... as long as I don't mistake it for an intruder again. :)

Thanks for stopping by!