© Cindy Beck, 2009
(Keywords: Cindy Beck, cats, cat, lesson from cats, platitude, cat attitudes, humorous blog, funny, smile, humor, Latter-day Saints, LDS, yourLDSNeighborhood.com)
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Being a cat owner for most of my nine lives, I’ve arrived at the conclusion—obtained through the tried and true scientific method of sitting in a lawn chair with a bag of chips in one hand, a soda in the other and watching my cat, Tar Kitty, pounce on grasshoppers—that cats are a highly intelligent life form. Sort of a James Bond crossed with E.T.
No, wait, that’s not really accurate; it’s more like Terminator crossed with Shirley Temple, crossed with a fur coat.
Listed below, for the enjoyment of all pussycat lovers, are the platitudes I’ve learned from my furry, feline friends. They apply to humans as much as they do to cats…sometimes even more so.
To get ahead in the world, walk softly and carry a big hiss.
If you play with your food, you might lose it.
Washing behind your ears makes them less dirty, but it doesn’t make you hear any better.
Your mother might love you, but that won’t stop her from smacking you upside your head when you need it.
You’ll make a lot more friends by purring than by yowling.
Eat slowly. Gulping your food makes you throw up.
If you ignore the dog’s demands, he won’t go away. Instead he’ll curl up next to you on the bed when you’re not looking.
Don’t spit at others unless you have an escape plan.
Don’t believe anyone who says you can’t possibly get hooked on that funny little weed—the one known as catnip.
Prowling the neighborhood at all hours of the night only gets you in trouble.
Cheese might taste good, but if you eat too much, it stops up your plumbing.
If you have to use your claws, it’s wise not to unsheathe them ahead of time.
A lot of people are fooled by fluffy looks and a cute tail.
Those who love you will help you get the burs out.
Recognize your friends from your enemies, so you don’t sleep with the wrong one on a cold night.
No matter how far you fall, if you try hard enough you can always land on your feet.
If something smells fishy, it probably is.
Pay attention to where you spend your leisure time. If you nap in the dryer, you’re bound to find yourself tumbling end over end.
Too much turkey at Thanksgiving makes you waddle.
A brave swagger and a puffed-up chest can sometimes get you out of a jam.
If you love someone you’ll help them look their best, even if it does give you hairballs.
What's playing in my head: What's New Pussycat by the Tom Jones.
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