Are Women Born This Way?

Posted by Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, women, little girl talking, toddler on YouTube, talk too much, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)

This video is so cute that I'm double posting it this morning ... here and at the LDS Humor site that I co-author with Nichole Giles. I hope it won't be a repeat for any of you, but if it is, it's so cute you'll probably want to watch it twice. It doesn't really give us a clue to the inner workings of a woman's mind, but you do have to laugh at the little girl. Take a minute to watch the expressions on her face.

And in all fairness to the guys, since I posted a blog of manly bloopers at the beginning of June, it's only right to take a pot shot at the gals ... by wondering if women are born this way.

(By the way, a bit of info for my friends and readers at BYU and who were unable to view YouTube videos--I just saw on the news that BYU is no longer blocking YouTube, so you get to share in the fun!)

What's playing in my head: You Talk too Much. Original release by Joe Jones, YouTube version by The Shades.

The Earache ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, ear, earache, herbal, homeopathic, antibiotics, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)

Two weeks ago, I woke up feeling like someone had stuffed a golf ball in my ear. I thought about accusing my husband, Russ, who was the only other person in the room at the moment, but instead, I staggered out of bed ... only to find the floor rushing up to meet me and then spinning in circles around me.

"Seems like you might have an ear infection," Russ commented from his comfortable, non-spinning position on the bed.

A week later, when it felt like the golf ball had morphed into a bowling ball, I went to the doctor. She peered in one ear and then the other. "It looks a little red, but not too bad. Ear drops should take care of the problem."

As we walked out of the office, Russ glanced skeptically at the dark bottle of oil. "Wouldn't you be better off with antibiotics?"

"I'm trying the homicidal method."

For some strange reason, Russ looked like he was trying not to laugh. Which was good, because earaches are no laughing matter. He said, "I think you mean homeopathic—not homicidal."

When we got home, I looked at the healthy, herbal ingredients listed on the bottle. Calendula, St. John's wort ... and garlic.

Yup, garlic. Like the stuff you put in Italian food. Only I was supposed to put it in my ear. No harm in trying, right?

That night, Russ climbed into bed next to me and gave me a hug. Then he sniffed the air, like Uncle Vinnie tracking a plate of lasagna. "Something in this room smells like garlic bread. I wonder what it could be."

Garlic bread? Lucky for him, his sarcasm was lost on me because I had drops in my ear and couldn't hear. Otherwise, I would've responded with something exceptionally witty.

The next morning, my ear still hurt, and the room smelled like a garlic factory. Don't tell Russ, but right then I gave up on the herbal, homicidal route, and called the doctor for a healthy dose of antibiotics. After all, why walk around smelling like garlic toast when a little moldy bread will do?

What's playing in my head: That's Amore, by Dean Martin

Crazy Eights ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, Band-aids, Cedar Fort, clean drains, Crazy Eights, dogs, false teeth, humor, kazoo, Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, Oscar Mayer, tag, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, submission guidelines, smile, laugh)

I was recently tagged by Ronda Hinrichsen in a game of Crazy Eights Tag. The idea behind it is to tell four sets of eight things that might be of interest to others. Since I don't have much on my list of "Things with Which to Wow Other People," I'll just go ahead and write whatever comes to mind ... and tell you all the things about me that you never wanted to know and were afraid to ask me not to tell.

Eight Things I Look Forward To:
1. Breakfast
2. Lunch
3. Supper
4. Having long legs and silky hair in the next life.
5. No, I don't mean long legs covered in silky hair. Then I'd have to shave more.
6. And I don't mean long legs in addition to the two short ones I already have. That would make me a quadriphead ... quadraphed ... aw heck, a four-legged person.
7. At this point, I look forward to learning to spell correctly in the next life.

Eight Things I Did Yesterday:
1. Breathed in.
2. Breathed out.
3. Listened for a heart beat.
4. Hooray, I was still alive and kicking!
5. Accidentally left my cell phone in my pant's pocket.
6. Washed the very same pants in the washing machine.
7. Called my cell phone from my land line and wondered why it didn't ring.
8. Wondered if anybody had loose change they'd like donate to that world-famous charitable group, "Pennies for Cell Phones." You know, the group that buys and gives cell phones to worthy receptients ... receivenpents ... aw heck, poor spellers around the globe.

Eight Things I Wish I Could Do:
1. Suck stuff out of the drain.
2. No, not with my mouth—with a vacuum cleaner. Do I hear you ask, "What kind of stuff?" Oh, I don't know ... false teeth maybe. Not that I have false teeth, but you never know what lies ahead and if my teeth (false or otherwise) were to fall down the drain, I'd like to be able to get them back again.
3. Take care of my teeth so I don't ever need to suck false ones out of the drain.
4. Invent something cool.
5. Invent something cool that would make me forty-eleven gazillion dollars so I could buy a new cell phone.
6. Learn to play a musical instrument ... perhaps a wazoo.
7. Oops, sorry that was supposed to be kazoo!
8. Learn to type better.

Eight Shows I Watch:
1-4. Band-Aid commercials.

5-8 Oscar Mayer commercials.

Eight Friends I Am Tagging (but if you've already been tagged or don't want to play, it's fine with me. I'm jiggy with it):
1. Oz-Girl
2. Slam Dunks
3. Doug Johnston
4. Joyce DiPastena
5. Anna Junus
6. Dave Beck
7. Bron Bahlmann
8. Russ Beck (who doesn't have a blog ... but maybe getting tagged will inspire him to start one.)

Here are the Rules:
1. Mention the person who tagged you.
2. Complete the list of 8's.
3. Tag 8 other bloggers.
4. Tell them they have been tagged.

What's playing in my head: Oscar Mayer Bologna Theme Song.


Win a Cool Book ... TODAY!

Just a quick post to tell you how you can win a book with one of my stories in it ... winner's choice of Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors, Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers, or My Dad is My Hero!

Go to my website at http://www.bythebecks.com/bookstore.html and scroll down until you see the info about Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers. Find the name of my horse (not hard to do :) and then send the name off in an email to the contest coordinator: jdipastena@yahoo.com. If your name is drawn from those submitted, you'll win a copy of your choice of the three books listed above.

That's it; it's that simple! (I just love easy contests where you don't have to run all over the place and dance in the street like a chicken to enter ... don't you?)

Oh, forgot to tell you that the prizes change every day for the rest of the month, so if you want to win one of my books get that email sent out today!

Good luck!


PS: If you want to read the rules and find out about other great prizes, go to: http://jdp-news.blogspot.com/2009/05/welcome-to-our-summer-treasure-hunt-dig.html.

Manly Bloopers ... posted by Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, manly bloopers, Hall and Oates, Maneater, contests, humorous writing, humorous blog, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh, humor)

I'll be the first to admit it isn't nice to laugh at others' misfortunes, but sometimes we just can't help it. And besides, we're not laughing at them, we're laughing with ...

Okay, so we're laughing at them. If I ever run into the guys in these videos—and it would be more likely from watching this that they'll literally run into me—I'll apologize then for laughing.

(For an interesting music video, click on the link below in "What's playing in my head." The jaguar in it is pretty awesome. )

What's playing in my head: Man Eater by Hall and Oates.

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This week I actually have two give-aways going on. Over at Queen of the Clan and at Joyce DiPastena's blogs you can enter to win your choice of one of the national anthologies that carry my short stories ... Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers, Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors, or My Dad is My Hero.

No matter which book you might choose, it's great for yourself or for gift-giving. (Please note that although I write a lot of humor, these books are best described as, "heart-warming.")

Dash over there today and enter at:

Queen of the Clan (contest for my prize runs until Friday, but you can enter for other prizes every week until the end of August, 2009.)

Joyce DiPastena (contest for my prize is on June 11, but you can enter for other prizes, too, until the end of June, 2009.)

Good luck!

The Easter Daffodil

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, Easter, daffodil, Peruvian daffodil, Star Trek, Death Star, humorous writing, humorous blog, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh)

In these days of shifting moral values, declining economies, and cheese that comes in a can, I thought a blog on finding ways to make Easter a spiritual experience would be a welcome change. Therefore, I wrote an insightful, never-to-be-forgotten but soon-to-be-overlooked entry called "Easter Lost, Easter Found" at my other blog.

Okay, I know that Easter is a distant memory for most of us, but this story has just finished playing itself out in the past few days, so I wanted to tell you about it.

After posting "Easter Lost, Easter Found," I felt perfectly content to ignore the sage advice I'd given others in the article. Then, just hours later, a little angel showed up on my shoulder—like in the old Bugs Bunny cartoons—and said, "Aren't you going to practice what you preach?"

After ignoring the meddlesome thing for a few days, I finally gave in, decided to follow my own suggestion, and went searching for a flower to plant that would bloom as a symbol of Easter. Unfortunately, other people must have had the same idea, even without reading my blog, and the choices at the garden center consisted of Peruvian daffodils or Peruvian daffodils. What, hadn't they ever heard of Easter lilies?

I purchased a sack of two for $20.00, which seemed a little expensive, but hey, they came all the way from Peru and somebody had to pay for their flight. I drove through the dark, envisioning the beauty of my flowers in the weeks to come. When I arrived home, I hauled out an old clay pot. It didn't look very Eastery, but I refused to rummage around in the shed—where at night spiders morphed into creatures the size of hippopotami—to find another flowerpot.

After accidentally dumping half the potting soil in the sink, and the other half on Corky Porky Pie—who thought it was some kind of dog treat from heaven and proceeded to eat it—I managed to get a cup of soil in the pot.

Russ looked dubious as I shoved in the bulb and added water. "What's that actually supposed to do?"

"It's supposed to grow into a fragrant, white daffodil. It'll be a reminder of Easter and increase our spirituality. Just like I wrote about."

"Looks more like it'll be a reminder not to let the dog eat dirt," he said, as Corky Porky Pie burped up a mound the size of Texas.

A day later, a tender green stalk pushed its way through the soil. Two days later, the stalk grew to six inches. By the end of the week, the plant practically touched the ceiling and Shaquille O'Neal could've used it for pole vaulting.

Russ made me put it in the closet at night, for fear it would come after us.

Finally, it bloomed. Russ came home from work, took one look and did a double take. "What kind of plant did you say that was?"

I reached over to smell it before answering, and yellow pollen stuck to the end of my nose, making it look like I'd been snorting butter. "It's a daffodil and it's supposed to be fragrant."

"So, is it?"

"No, but it's supposed to be."

Russ shook his head, probably in wonder at my gardening expertise. "It doesn't look much like a daffodil. It looks more like something you'd see on Star Trek."

The thing bloomed for several weeks, growing taller and taller. I only wished I'd taken a picture of it, so you could see it. However, by the time I thought of that, it had finished blooming.

I wouldn't say my little horticultural experiment was a failure. After all, I do have a plant that sits on my deck, entwining itself about my roof. It's not exactly what I had in mind, though, so next year I plan to pick something that will remind me less of Star Trek, and more of Easter.

I wonder how "Death Star Tulips" would look.

What's playing in my head: Theme from Star Trek.

Looking for great LDS gifts, articles, and services? Take a minute to browse through yourLDSNeighborhood.com.

And while you're there, subscribe to their fantastic newsletter, which brings you articles, products, services, resources and interviews from around the world—all with an LDS focus. Neighborhood Newsletter Subscriptions are FREE, and joining is easy.