The Earache ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, ear, earache, herbal, homeopathic, antibiotics, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)

Two weeks ago, I woke up feeling like someone had stuffed a golf ball in my ear. I thought about accusing my husband, Russ, who was the only other person in the room at the moment, but instead, I staggered out of bed ... only to find the floor rushing up to meet me and then spinning in circles around me.

"Seems like you might have an ear infection," Russ commented from his comfortable, non-spinning position on the bed.

A week later, when it felt like the golf ball had morphed into a bowling ball, I went to the doctor. She peered in one ear and then the other. "It looks a little red, but not too bad. Ear drops should take care of the problem."

As we walked out of the office, Russ glanced skeptically at the dark bottle of oil. "Wouldn't you be better off with antibiotics?"

"I'm trying the homicidal method."

For some strange reason, Russ looked like he was trying not to laugh. Which was good, because earaches are no laughing matter. He said, "I think you mean homeopathic—not homicidal."

When we got home, I looked at the healthy, herbal ingredients listed on the bottle. Calendula, St. John's wort ... and garlic.

Yup, garlic. Like the stuff you put in Italian food. Only I was supposed to put it in my ear. No harm in trying, right?

That night, Russ climbed into bed next to me and gave me a hug. Then he sniffed the air, like Uncle Vinnie tracking a plate of lasagna. "Something in this room smells like garlic bread. I wonder what it could be."

Garlic bread? Lucky for him, his sarcasm was lost on me because I had drops in my ear and couldn't hear. Otherwise, I would've responded with something exceptionally witty.

The next morning, my ear still hurt, and the room smelled like a garlic factory. Don't tell Russ, but right then I gave up on the herbal, homicidal route, and called the doctor for a healthy dose of antibiotics. After all, why walk around smelling like garlic toast when a little moldy bread will do?

What's playing in my head: That's Amore, by Dean Martin


Rachelle Christensen said...

Oh, you're so funny! Moldy bread, hee, hee! Hope you feel better soon.

Melanie said...

That's amore'! Here you are sick and all Russ can think about is garlic bread! Why wasn't he rubbing your feet, giving you hot packs, feeding you garlic bread and chocolate fondue?

Ear aches are awful. Very happy to hear you are on the mend.

Nichole Giles said...

I'm so glad you got the antibiotics and are on the road to recovery. Ear infections are no fun at all. Feel better soon.

Fun blog.


Watchman said...

Oh, how funny -- as long as it's not me! Glad you're smelling better. Hope you're feeling better as well. Flu in the ear? Hmmmm.

Unknown said...

I love, love garlic, but don't care for the after smell -- after being after one has eaten it. Ew.

Earaches are miserable... hope you are feeling better and the earache is gone with the help of the antibiotics!

Triple Nickel said...

Is no one sad for Russ in all of this? I'm sure it wasn't easy sleeping next to garlic bread! I bet he had dreams of being at an all you can eat Italian buffet! Are you missing any fingers???
Great blog. Loved it. Gald you are on the mend.

Slamdunk said...

Earaches are awful. I hope you feel better and that this experience does not make Russ crave Italian food too much.

Cindy Beck, author said...

Rachelle, Melanie, Nichole, Watchman, Oz-Girl, Triple Nickel, Slamdunk: Thanks for stopping by to comment, and for your "get well" wishes. You're the best!