Fourth of July Fun

Photo © Bumblebee Photo/ByTheBecks

Here's a little humor and fun (no disrespect intended) for the upcoming Independence Day holiday. Hope you all have a wonderful July 4th, that you get to eat plenty of watermelon, and that you'll be careful with those fireworks!

Little Andy's First Day at School

Little Andy is at his first day of school, and Mrs Whyte, his teacher advises the class that each school day starts with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructs them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.

As Mrs Whyte starts the recitation she looks around the room, "I pledge allegiance to the flag ...", when her eyes are drawn to Andy, who has his hand over the right cheek of his bottom.

"Andy, I cannot continue till you put your hand over your heart," she demands.

Andy looks up and replies, "It is over my heart."

After several more attempts to get Andy to put his hand over his heart, Mrs Whyte inquires, "Why do you think that is your heart, Andy?"

"Well Miss," answers Andy, "because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma never lies."

From: Will and Guy's Funny Clean Jokes

The Star Spangled Banner as Sung by Presidents of the United States

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From: JibJab

Important People I Have Known ... by C.L. Beck

A Tongue-In-Cheek Look at the Vastly Famous People I've Met!

Last Friday I posted a guest article over at the Day Dreamer blog. I know it’s hard to believe that someone would invite me, but Christine Bryant did. Well, okay, she didn’t technically invite me. She sent a note out to thousands of writers calling for fun, witty authors who might want to write at her blog. I’m thinking that when she accepted my offer, she must have mistaken me for Dave Barry.

Okay, what? Yes, Dave Barry and I do look alike. He has brown hair and I have hair. He has eyes and I have eyes. We’re dead ringers for each other! In fact, he’s one of the many important people that I know. And if you click here, you can read all about how Dave Barry and I became personal friends.

But just so you’ll know, he’s not the only important person I’ve ever known. Roy Rogers is also on my list of best friends. He happened to be in Nevada in the ‘60s—that would be the 1960s, not the 1860s as my husband, Russ, might insinuate—and something broke down. I don’t think it was his horse, Trigger, and I’m pretty certain it wasn’t his wife, Dale Evans, but regardless, Roy ended up at the Air Force base in Tonopah, where my dad worked. Back then Tonopah was a little dinky town, sitting in the middle of a dust devil, in the wastelands of Nevada. Now it’s a little bit bigger dinky town, sitting in the middle of a nuclear, glowing dust devil in the wastelands of Nevada. And they call that progress!

But, I digress … so, I was just a kid but since Roy Rogers was my hero, my dad introduced me to him and Roy gave me his autograph. I’m sure it wasn’t given under duress, either. Well, pretty sure.

I sense that some of my readers might not believe me, so I’m posting the highly personalized autograph here. All right, all right, so it wasn’t really personalized to me, but was on a piece of 2x3 paper ripped out of somebody’s notepad, and signed by Roy. It's the signature that counts! In addition, the fact that I had my picture taken with him and he had his hand on my shoulder indicates our close, personal friendship. I would have gone to his funeral, years later, except I didn’t know where it was. And I’m sure the fact that I wasn’t invited was an oversight.

In addition to Dave Barry and Roy Rogers, I’ve also known Richard Nixon. Well, kind of. From afar. As in, “Seen him on television.” But, for what it's worth, I do have Nixon’s autograph. Honest, I am not making this up, because if I were going to pick a president to give me his autograph, it would surely not be Richard Nixon. It would be Abraham Lincoln—which might be a little tough because he’s dead.

That’s the way life goes, though. One minute you’re watching a play and the next you’re learning the strings on a harp.

Now I want everyone to realize that I’m not bragging. In fact, I’m not even sure why I’m bringing this topic up, except possibly because I have a blog due and these are the only thoughts in my brain at the moment.

So, onward and upward. The next important person in my repertoire of personal friends is … ummm, who else can I make up … er, I mean, who else do I know?

Oh yes, back to Richard Nixon. I have a picture of him and Vice President Spiro Agnew, who—for those who don’t remember Agnew—was also a crook. They’re shaking hands with people in a reception line. And I’m beginning to wonder why I have so much memorabilia from a vice president charged with extortion, bribery, and income tax evasion, and a president who was impeached and run out of office.

It just occurred to me that, despite what Russ says, I am far too young to remember Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew and even if it weren’t so, I would never have voted for them—much less been personal friends with them. So, I’m thinking that the Nixon picture and autograph are actually Russ’s junk. Umm, I mean, Russ’s treasures.

In the meantime, it wouldn’t be polite to ramble on continue much longer on this timely topic of important people that I pretend to know am personal friends with, so I’ll write more about it another time in a future post.

Until then, drop off a comment and tell me who your friends are, if they're as important as mine, and if you have their autographs.

(Sorry, but the Incredible Hulk is not a real person and so his signature does not count. No, not even if he did save your life once.)

------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.

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Those Funny Cats ... and Wanchai Ferry Giveaway

Eeee gads, another Monday has rolled around, and in my search for humor (Monday is a day that definitely needs humor) I went out to one of my favorite places, the Cheeseburger Site. Hope you enjoy the photos below as much as I did. If you get a second, leave a comment telling me your favorite—or whatever else you want to tell me—and you'll automatically be entered in the Wanchai Ferry Giveaway.

Speaking of that, Wanchai Ferry (and MyBlogSpark) gave me a package of Wanchai Ferry Frozen Beef and Broccoli to review ... well, actually to eat and then to review ... and it was delish! No kidding, I really liked it. Read more about it after you look at the fun photos, below.

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

And now, on to the giveaway ...

Wanchai Ferry Giveaway
: June 14-June 25, 2010. The gift pack includes a coupon for Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef, plus a cute tea set. (Mine had two Chinese style tea cups and two tins of organic green tea. Green tea is supposed to be very healthy, but if you're not a tea drinker, you can always give it away to friends!)

Wanchai Ferry's Opinion: Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées are perfect to have on hand for those nights you’re in the mood for Asian cuisine, but would rather enjoy it with a relaxing night in. Available in the freezer section of your local grocery store, Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées come complete with everything you need to make a restaurant quality meal in the comfort of your own home.

The newest Wanchai Ferry flavor, Beef & Broccoli, is the first beef dish in their line of great-tasting, complete Chinese meals for two. Ready to serve in only 14 minutes, Wanchai Ferry Beef & Broccoli comes with tender beef strips, and an assortment of Asian-style vegetables, including broccoli florets, red peppers and water chestnuts. It even includes rice and a rich brown sauce accented with soy and garlic for an authentic flavor experience.

Be sure to try the two additional new flavors of Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées, Kung Pao Chicken and Szechuan Style Chicken, which will soon join five other delicious varieties including Orange Chicken, Shrimp Lo Mein, Spicy Garlic Chicken and Sweet & Sour Chicken. Additionally, all of the entrées have no added MSG!

There is a $1.60 off coupon available at http://bricks.coupons.com/bstart.asp?o=63369&ci=1&c=GM&p=OMaEZjGT. Also check out the website at http://www.wanchaiferry.com/MealTips.aspx later this summer for meal tips to enhance your Wanchai Ferry frozen entrée.

My Opinion:
I'm not normally a convenience food fan. I've tried frozen pizza, lasagna, Swedish meatballs, TV dinners, and numerous other convenience meals. Inevitably, I take a bite or two and throw the rest out. For that reason, I was more than pleasantly surprised with the Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef. The meal was easy to prepare and the food actually tasted really good, including the rice. The ingredients were top quality, and I finished my whole plateful!

To Enter the Giveaway: Leave a comment on this blog post before midnight on Friday, June 25, 2010. That's it. How easy can that be? Be sure to leave your email address if you're not a regular reader and I don't already have your address. The winner will be drawn and announced on or before June 28.

(This contest sponsored by Wanchai Ferry and MyBlogSparkTM . I received a free package of Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef for review and a tea set similar to the one mentioned previously, as a thank you for my participation. My opinions of the product are my own, however. Should the prize go unclaimed, a new winner will be chosen or the prize will be withdrawn, at my discretion and that of MyBlogSpark.)


How to Make Money Blogging When You're a Redneck... by C.L. Beck

Photo by US Coast Guard, Wikimedia Commons

Today we're discussing that highly relevant topic of whether or not the BP oil spill was actually an act of economic and environmental terrorism. But first, let's talk about something of even greater import—how to make money blogging when you're a redneck.

In this day and age of a tightened economy, and even tighter jeans worn by country western signers, it’s vitally important to know how to pick up a few dollars here and there. According to highly qualified experts like Dwight Yokum, Alan Jackson, and Frizz-Bee, the dog, we have the inalienable right, as American citizens, to blog.

I’ve tried blogging myself, and I can tell you it’s a fast, easy way to earn money. Well, as long as you do it the correct way. You can’t just write on any ol’ topic, such as “How to make your millions in the stock market.” A topic like that won’t get you any hits at all because we’ve all been fleeced by that one before and have nothing left to invest.

Okay, back up just a minute. Did I hear you ask, “What’s a hit?”? Well, if you're a redneck, it’s when someone takes a 2x4 to the back of your head and you’re not looking. Not that you could see it coming even if you wanted to, since you don’t have eyes in the back of your head.

To the rest of the world, though, a hit is when people stop at your web page. It doesn’t mean they have to read it. Maybe they stopped there by accident and were actually looking for creative ways to trim ear hair. Nope, as they say in redneck country, it makes no never mind.

But, those accidental hits aren’t going to bring you in much money, so you need to pick a good redneck topic if you want your friends to read it. Something like, “How to choose someone beside your first cousin as your future spouse” would be a good one. Or even, “How my Uncle Earl became my Aunt Earline.” That one worked well for me.

Next, type the article up on the library's computer, and print off a passel of them. Then go down to the local hardware store, where John-Bob boy works, and ask him to give you a few left over 2x4s so that you can build a little stand. After building it, go in and ask your mama or your sweetie … hopefully they’re not one and the same … if it’s okay if you make some hooch lemonade. Sell your blog article for $5 at the stand, and give away a glass of white lightening lemonade with each one that you sell. That’s called multi-marketing and you’ll have people from all over the county lined up to buy that blog article.

Another method that works well is to wait until your sweetie or your mama … once again, hopefully they are not one and the same … has gone to work, then drag the sofa, love seat, and other stuff that’s just cluttering up the house onto your lawn. Be sure not to put the big screen TV or your La-Z-Boy out there because Betty-Jo McCoy knows a good bargain when she sees one, even if she does have eyebrows that run together and needs to shave her upper lip. Having her walk off with your fifty-two inch, wide screen TV strapped to her back will bring almost as many tears to your eyes as pulling nose hairs.

Once you’ve put all your furniture out on the lawn—not too close to your old ’57 Chevy pickup that’s up on blocks, because someone might think it’s for sale, but someplace close to that old wringer washing machine that you promised you’d take to the dump ten years ago—rip off a piece of duct tape. Yes sir, I realize I forgot to tell you to bring the duct tape outside with you, but any redneck worth his salt has a roll of duct tape in his hip pocket.

Tape a copy of your blog to each piece of furniture, and taking a big piece of corrugated tin from the outhouse roof, write up a sign that says, “Blog articles, $7.50 each. Furniture free. PS: Do not touch my ’57 Chev pickup, or you’ll be whistlin’ the tune to ‘Deliverance’ through missing front teeth.”

That's all you need to do. Then sit back and watch the money roll in.

And what should you do if you’re from someplace other than redneck country? Well, bless your heart, it’s the same process, only you sell your blog article along with your hooch lemonade, on craigslist.

[Other than the above methods, have you made any money blogging? Better yet, have you made any money selling lemonade or do you carry duct tape in your pocket? Leave a comment and let us know!]

------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.

Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!

How Twins are Made

Have you ever wondered how twins are made? Oh sure, we all know the biological information, but there's more to it than that, right? There's something almost magical about twins and so there's also something unique about the way they're created.

And one set of parents has finally figured it out and taken a picture ...

Photo courtesy of Funatico.com

(If you'd like to see the grown-up version, click here.)

Now, I'm curious ... if you had twins, would you dress them in shirts like that? Or would you think it's just a little too computer geeky? I'll leave my opinion in a comment, and will be anxiously pacing the floor, waiting to hear your thoughts!