Office of the Good, the Bad, and the Out to Get You
By C.L. Beck

Alas, it's that time of year when most of us start worrying about the IRS and tax returns. However, I'm Cindy, the fearless ... the brave ... the invincible. I scoff at the thought of Form 1040!

Furthermore, I never dream about tax agents, tax audits, or spending my life in jail for incorrect addition. No indeedy, the Internal Revenue does not haunt my dreams.

It haunts my every waking moment!

Truth be told, I'm scared spitless of the IRS. (And being without spit is not funny.)  

We were driving in the car and I said to Russ, "I'm so worried that someday I'll get audited by the IRS. I'm a very honest person, but that doesn't make any difference. If the IRS wants you, you're a dead chicken."

Russ crinkled his forehead and looked at me. "A dead chicken? I think you mean dead meat."

"Yeah, well, you pick your meat and I'll pick mine. I'm chicken of the IRS." I shivered, envisioning IRS agents behind every tree as we zipped down the highway.

Russ patted my shoulder. I'm sure it was to give me comfort and not to brush dandruff off my jacket. "What does our accountant say about it?"

"He says we're small fish and Internal Revenue would probably never even pull our returns." I sighed. "If only there were some way to insure they wouldn't even think about me."

Russ grinned. "I can help you there. Being a Jedi knight of the highest order, I have that power."

I cocked my head, and snorted. "Oh yeah? You don't even own a light saber. Let's see your great power. "

Russ cleared his throat, waved his hand slowly and mysteriously in the direction of the Ogden IRS center, then in his best Obi-Wan imitation intoned, "These aren't the tax returns you're looking for."

I'm sure hoping the Force was with him.

Author's note: If you enjoyed this mostly true story -- with a little bit of lying exaggeration thrown in, then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on the fun.

"The IRS" © C.L. Beck;  image © YM
Tags: IRS, Internal Revenue, Obi-Wan, Jedi knight