Office of the Good, the Bad, and the Out to Get You
By C.L. Beck

Alas, it's that time of year when most of us start worrying about the IRS and tax returns. However, I'm Cindy, the fearless ... the brave ... the invincible. I scoff at the thought of Form 1040!

Furthermore, I never dream about tax agents, tax audits, or spending my life in jail for incorrect addition. No indeedy, the Internal Revenue does not haunt my dreams.

It haunts my every waking moment!

Truth be told, I'm scared spitless of the IRS. (And being without spit is not funny.)  

We were driving in the car and I said to Russ, "I'm so worried that someday I'll get audited by the IRS. I'm a very honest person, but that doesn't make any difference. If the IRS wants you, you're a dead chicken."

Russ crinkled his forehead and looked at me. "A dead chicken? I think you mean dead meat."

"Yeah, well, you pick your meat and I'll pick mine. I'm chicken of the IRS." I shivered, envisioning IRS agents behind every tree as we zipped down the highway.

Russ patted my shoulder. I'm sure it was to give me comfort and not to brush dandruff off my jacket. "What does our accountant say about it?"

"He says we're small fish and Internal Revenue would probably never even pull our returns." I sighed. "If only there were some way to insure they wouldn't even think about me."

Russ grinned. "I can help you there. Being a Jedi knight of the highest order, I have that power."

I cocked my head, and snorted. "Oh yeah? You don't even own a light saber. Let's see your great power. "

Russ cleared his throat, waved his hand slowly and mysteriously in the direction of the Ogden IRS center, then in his best Obi-Wan imitation intoned, "These aren't the tax returns you're looking for."

I'm sure hoping the Force was with him.

Author's note: If you enjoyed this mostly true story -- with a little bit of lying exaggeration thrown in, then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on the fun.

"The IRS" © C.L. Beck;  image © YM
Tags: IRS, Internal Revenue, Obi-Wan, Jedi knight


Slamdunk said...

Well played Russ. I dread tax time around here--I get to complete forms for 4 separate taxing bodies. My father always laughs and reminds me that he only does one since he lives in TX.

Enjoy your weekend Cindy.

Lauren Padilla said...

I think almost everyone is scared to be audited by IRS. But it’s not as bad you think. You can get on with the tax audit with no trouble at all. If you didn’t commit fraud and filed your tax return responsibly, it’s unlikely that your taxable income would be understated. :)

Cindy Beck, author said...

Slamdunk: Oooo, how did you get so lucky as to file tax forms with 4 taxing entities? Bet that's a nightmare! It takes me a week just to get it ready for one!

At any rate, hope tax prep goes well for you this year. Thanks for commenting. :)

Cindy Beck, author said...

Lauren: Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I actually did have an opportunity to visit with an IRS agent once. She was very nice--it was the computer that hated me and wanted to take my home, my car, and my first born child! :)