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The Yowling Bees Amid Life ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, April, holidays, observances, April holidays, humorous writing, humorous blog, humor blog, funny, smile, laugh, humor, Latter-day Saints, LDS, yourLDSNeighborhood.com)



It’s April, the time of year when bees yowl, and tomcats buzz under the windows. Or maybe the reverse. Anyway, just in case the yowling bees and buzzing tomcats aren’t enough cause for celebration, I’ve spent many hours researching and writing down these lesser-known observances for your holiday rioting pleasure.

Okay, maybe not hours, but minutes. Well, maybe not minutes, but microseconds …

All right, I’ll confess. Corky Porky Pie, the dog, wrote this.


APRIL MONTHLY OBSERVANCES

National Donate Life Month (all month): Right off the bat, I have a question. Are we allowed to donate someone else’s life? If so, I can think of several people in Hollywood—or maybe in politics—I’d like to donate to the cause.

Oh, wait. Maybe this holiday is in reference to Life cereal. In that case, put me down for donating all that I own. All 365 cases of Life cereal that masqueraded as food storage in my basement for the past 30 years. In my opinion—and this is just my opinion (you’ll notice I’m being careful about a big, nasty lawsuit here)—the stuff tastes like crunchy polyester pants.

National Poetry Month (all month): You probably thought I’d try my hand at poetry for this … but alas and alack, rhyme and meter is something I lack. Instead, here are two fine renditions:

There was a young maid who said, “Why
Can’t I look in my ear with my eye?
If I give my mind to it,
I’m sure I can do it.
You never can tell till you try.”
~ Anon.


A sleeper from the Amazon
Put nighties of his gra’mazon—
The reason that
He was too fat
To get his own pajamazon.
~ Anon.

And I’ll bet you thought I didn’t know any poetry worth reciting.


APRIL WEEKLY OBSERVANCES

International Pooper-Scooper Week (1st-7th): It’s unclear here whether we should throw a wing-ding celebration that includes pooper-scooper tools or have a fiesta for the pooper-scooper person. In my home, that would mean either a party for a rusty old shovel (pooper-scooper tool), or my husband, Russ (pooper-scooper person who uses the tool).

Come to think of it, there’s not much difference between the two.

At any rate, just be glad this week is already over. If you failed to celebrate, feel free to visit my house, where you can pooper-scooper to your heart’s content. But, not actually in the house.

Sky Awareness Week (19th-25th): All those readers who are airline pilots, please stand. Now, all of you who are aware that you fly a hulking, metal behemoth through that blue stuff called “the sky,” please leave the room. Thank you. Would those left please give me your names—I want to be sure not to board your plane.


APRIL DAILY OBSERVANCES

National Fun at Work Day (1st): Ha—like anyone has fun at work. Oh, look … that should tell us something. It’s on April Fool’s Day.

National Cherish an Antique Day (9th): Ah yes, a holiday worth celebrating. I intend to give Russ a big hug on this day, since he’s pushing sixty (as opposed to my fifty-something, young-as-a-spring-chicken years).

Pushing sixty means he’s well into the designated time frame to be declared an antique.


What's playing in my head: Cherish by the Association

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4 comments:

Oz Girl said...

Oh I'm laffing my bum off again... Natl Have Fun at Work Day on April Fools, no kidding??! Methinks that was no accident... someone was making a point with that one!

Danyelle Ferguson said...

LOVE it! I especially loved Donate a Life. I can certainly think of a few people I'd like to donate to this wonderful cause as well. :)

BTW - April 2nd was World-Wide Autism Awareness Day.

Cheri J. Crane said...

I loved your poetry renditions. Most impressive. =)And I'm sure I can think of a life or two to donate to "the cause."

Slamdunk said...

Being the family's designated "pooper scooper" thanks for promoting the holiday--too funny.