Or ... Only the Nose Knows
By C.L. Beck
How to Get Rid of a Cold
Those little germs are everywhere,
Inside your mouth and in your hair,
Up your nose—to make you sneeze,
In your lungs—to make you wheeze.
Those little germs are such a pain—
It seems like they've attacked your brain!
They’ve given you a nasty cold,
Which makes you feel so doggone old.
Whatever can you do instead
Of wheezing, coughing, in your bed?
Perhaps it’s time to let them go
To steal somebody else’s show!
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Okay, so how to get rid of a cold for real? No miracle solutions, but here are a few tricks that might help the poor suffering sickee (that's you) feel a little better:
- Use a saline solution for congestion. Either buy it as a spray in the store, or make your own saline solution at home. If homemade, be sure to boil the solution so that those nasty-wasty brain-eating buggers don't hitch a ride in it. For real.
- For a sore throat, gargle with 1 tbsp cider vinegar mixed with about 3-6 ounces warm water. Very soothing!
- Use cough drops or throat lozenges to keep your throat moist.
- When blowing your nose, use tissues that contain lanolin or other skin softeners so your nose doesn't get irritated.
- Wear soft, fuzzy clothes. Naw, they don't do anything for the germs, but the warm fuzzies are the next best thing to that wonderful blankie you loved as a toddler.
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Author's note: If you enjoyed this mostly humorous, absolutely true poem, then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on the fun.
"How to Get Rid of a Cold" © C.L. Beck; image © Sarej
Tags: cold, germs, how to get rid of a cold
