(Keywords: Cindy Beck, tag, game of tag, weight, height, knock knock jokes, knock-knock, Al Gore, Drew Carey, funny, humor, Latter-day Saints, LDS, yourLDSNeighborhood.com)
Admit it, a lot of you love the game of tag as much as I do. Especially internet tag, where you don’t have to worry about running and you can sit in your chair, munching on a candy bar. Ah, yes ... cyber exercise ... it’s the only way to work out.
Not long ago, Candice Salima tagged me in a game where the person who’s “it” has to write 25 random things about him/herself, and then tag 25 more people. Except Candace only tagged 15. Someone else I know only tagged 10. Maybe I could get away with just tagging my dog, Corky Porky Pie, who would love the concept of running around and barking for no apparent reason—as long as it included treats and a tummy rub afterwards.
Therefore, in keeping with the game and listed below in no particular order (which by coinky-dink is what random means) are 25 thoughts.
1. To semi-quote Garfield, “I am not overweight, I am under-tall.” In a height to weight ratio, I should actually be a seven-foot Amazon. (The female warrior, not the website.)
2. I’m a dog lover. Over my lifespan, I’ve owned dogs named Mickey, Flopsy-Mentis, Ragsie, Deed-O, MacDoogie, Bearly Bubba Wubba, Bud Spud … and of course, Corky Porky Pie.
3. I just made up my very first knock-knock joke. Are you ready?
Oy ster the soup so it doesn’t burn.
I didn’t say I made up a good one. I said I made up my first one.
4. My brain is melting from all this thinking, and so far I’ve only come up with four things for this list.
5. I’ve had a plethora of broken bones—wrist, two ankles, back, nose, little toe, and elbow. I’d mention that I’ve never broken a leg but I’m afraid the Broken Bone Elf will run me down in the street and make it happen. Shhh. Please pretend you did not hear me say I’ve never broken a leg.
6. The broken nose was Russ’s fault. No, he did not hit me. It happened at the ocean, when a big wave threw me nose first into the back of Russ's head. Really, I think he should have moved.
7. The broken ankles were Russ’s fault. No, he did not mow me over with the car.
The first one happened on the basketball court. We both jumped for the ball. Russ jumped three feet into the air and I, being under-tall, jumped three inches. When we reached Mother Earth again Russ landed on top of my foot, I lost my balance, and …
The second one happened at the office, in January, on a very large patch of ice. Well, okay, the ice wasn’t in the office, it was out in the parking lot. And it wasn’t really Russ’s fault, but blaming it on him makes for a more interesting story.
8. In high school, I was very shy, and never, ever funny. Looking this list over, apparently I’m never, ever funny now, either.
9. Drew Carey, the comedian, learned comedy from reading a book. I thought that might help me, too, so I went out to the internet and typed, “How to write jokes,” into the Yahoo search engine. The first three returns all said, “Forget it. People who are under-tall can not write good jokes.” I finally found a site that let me in. The site was created in 1932, by Al Gore. I learned how to write my first knock-knock joke from there. (See entry #3, above.)
10. My brain is now oozing onto the floor in a puddle. It may never recover, and for that reason, I cannot tag 25 people. I’ll be lucky to tag 10. Okay, wait, maybe not even 10, so I’m going for five. OzGirl, Randy McNeely, Hazel Jensen, Shirley Bahlmann, Cathy Witbeck, Mary Greathouse, and Monkey’s Blog, come on down! You’ve been tagged!
What? I tagged seven people? Oh well, that’s me … the under-tall over-achiever.
What's playing in my head: Absolutely nothing. My brain has left the building.
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