Taggity-Tag ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, tag, game of tag, weight, height, knock knock jokes, knock-knock, Al Gore, Drew Carey, funny, humor, Latter-day Saints, LDS, yourLDSNeighborhood.com)

Admit it, a lot of you love the game of tag as much as I do. Especially internet tag, where you don’t have to worry about running and you can sit in your chair, munching on a candy bar. Ah, yes ... cyber exercise ... it’s the only way to work out.

Not long ago, Candice Salima tagged me in a game where the person who’s “it” has to write 25 random things about him/herself, and then tag 25 more people. Except Candace only tagged 15. Someone else I know only tagged 10. Maybe I could get away with just tagging my dog, Corky Porky Pie, who would love the concept of running around and barking for no apparent reason—as long as it included treats and a tummy rub afterwards.

Therefore, in keeping with the game and listed below in no particular order (which by coinky-dink is what random means) are 25 thoughts.

1. To semi-quote Garfield, “I am not overweight, I am under-tall.” In a height to weight ratio, I should actually be a seven-foot Amazon. (The female warrior, not the website.)

2. I’m a dog lover. Over my lifespan, I’ve owned dogs named Mickey, Flopsy-Mentis, Ragsie, Deed-O, MacDoogie, Bearly Bubba Wubba, Bud Spud … and of course, Corky Porky Pie.

3. I just made up my very first knock-knock joke. Are you ready?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Oyster who?
Oy ster the soup so it doesn’t burn.

I didn’t say I made up a good one. I said I made up my first one.

4. My brain is melting from all this thinking, and so far I’ve only come up with four things for this list.

5. I’ve had a plethora of broken bones—wrist, two ankles, back, nose, little toe, and elbow. I’d mention that I’ve never broken a leg but I’m afraid the Broken Bone Elf will run me down in the street and make it happen. Shhh. Please pretend you did not hear me say I’ve never broken a leg.

6. The broken nose was Russ’s fault. No, he did not hit me. It happened at the ocean, when a big wave threw me nose first into the back of Russ's head. Really, I think he should have moved.

7. The broken ankles were Russ’s fault. No, he did not mow me over with the car.

The first one happened on the basketball court. We both jumped for the ball. Russ jumped three feet into the air and I, being under-tall, jumped three inches. When we reached Mother Earth again Russ landed on top of my foot, I lost my balance, and … viola voile vole voilaw … oh heck, ta-da … another trip to the emergency room.

The second one happened at the office, in January, on a very large patch of ice. Well, okay, the ice wasn’t in the office, it was out in the parking lot. And it wasn’t really Russ’s fault, but blaming it on him makes for a more interesting story.

8. In high school, I was very shy, and never, ever funny. Looking this list over, apparently I’m never, ever funny now, either.

9. Drew Carey, the comedian, learned comedy from reading a book. I thought that might help me, too, so I went out to the internet and typed, “How to write jokes,” into the Yahoo search engine. The first three returns all said, “Forget it. People who are under-tall can not write good jokes.” I finally found a site that let me in. The site was created in 1932, by Al Gore. I learned how to write my first knock-knock joke from there. (See entry #3, above.)

10. My brain is now oozing onto the floor in a puddle. It may never recover, and for that reason, I cannot tag 25 people. I’ll be lucky to tag 10. Okay, wait, maybe not even 10, so I’m going for five. OzGirl, Randy McNeely, Hazel Jensen, Shirley Bahlmann, Cathy Witbeck, Mary Greathouse, and Monkey’s Blog, come on down! You’ve been tagged!

What? I tagged seven people? Oh well, that’s me … the under-tall over-achiever.

What's playing in my head: Absolutely nothing. My brain has left the building.

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ali cross said...

Not funny? Pishaw. (or however you write that)

That was funNEE! :D

Girl Tornado said...

I think you're hysterical, your writing I mean, not you. It makes me laugh out loud! :) I could not begin to write my tag entry as humorously as you, but I'll give it a shot. It will probably take me a week... just kidding.

Anna Maria Junus said...

I Love your dog names!

I've written several knock knock jokes based on my kids names. They all roll their eyes at me.

When I grow up I want to be as funny as you.

Nichole Giles said...

Nope, not funny at all. You should never try to write a humor book...oh wait. Never mind, you already did that.

What? I wrote it with you? NO Way. I am so not that funny.

It's so good to have friends who make me laugh.

(PS For anyone who wonders, that book I mentioned will be released HOPEFULLY in October, 2009.)

Girl Tornado said...

Ok, I wasn't kidding, it is going to take me a week, but only because I've been sick and I just can't get my brain to kick-in... hope you're having a wonderful weekend! :)

Cheri J. Crane said...

I am under-tall, too, Cindy. My mother always told me that good stuff comes in small packages. She also told me that sliced apricots were the ears of little children who were naughty. See why I hate apricots to this day? ;)

Randall said...


You made my day! I laughed out loud when I read your very "unfunny" thoughts. I'll add my thoughts to my writefrommyheart.blogspot.com blog.


Danyelle Ferguson said...

What? You wimped out? I had to do this tag TWICE woman! And I used different random things each time. I can't believe you wimped out on us! ;-)

BTW - it's voila! Except with one of those accent thingies over the a. If you read my random stuff, you would have known I used to live in France and am therefore French literate. (wink, wink) Love ya!

Cindy Beck, author said...

Normally, I try to send my return thoughts as a personal email to the commenter, or by visiting her/his website, but in this case, Danyelle has thrown down the guantlet ... or the mittens ... or what ever it is the French throw down. Maybe French fries?

HA! I know Danyelle is going to tell moi that French fries were not created by the French ... but if that's the case, why aren't they called American fries?

And so, voilà ... I feel obligated to defend my honor. (Please note I put that little accent thingy over the "a." :o)

I did not wimp out on the tag. No, no, I simply used my intuitive reasoning and decided that 25 things about me would be quite boring. I was trying to um ... oh ... let’s see, what could it have been? Oh, I know, I was trying to spare my readers, who don't have time for long dissertations like this one!

I insist that wimping out is for others, but my shortened list was a sign of honor and kindness ... so on, so forth, and yada, yada.

And now, I must bid Danyelle and all of you adieu ... which I think is French for, "Someone hasn't been cleaning up after their dog."

Oh, Danyelle, I'm sorry you were tagged twice and had to write 50 things, but, c'est la vie!

(Love ya right back, and did I throw in enough French?:o)

Rebecca Talley said...

Those are quite some dog names--whatever happened to Rover or names like that?

Without fail, you always make me laugh. Love your writing!!

Cathy said...

Nice knock knock. In keeping with oysters, what kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster? Teenagers probably annoy oysters too. Don't get me started. I had a rough morning, not with an oyster.
Love your humor, Cindy. Want to adopt any teenagers?

Unknown said...

Cindy -

Uh oh . . . I think I need to get out the oven mitts for this one! The heat's definitely been turned up. :)

Can I just say, you totally rock, girl! Oh la la! (sorry, I haven't figured out how to get the accent thingies to work!) And yes, you threw in enough french to kind of sound like you know what you're talking about. (wink, wink)

Personally, I would have loved to see you finish the random 25. You make me laugh. Reading your blog is just what I need to lighten up my week. Love ya! See you at conference in April.