This is a paid--albeit, humorous--article sponsored by IdentityHawk.
Photo © Mindaugas Urbonas
Today we're discussing the highly significant subject of identity theft protection. However, before I mention that there's a company named IdentityHawk that protects against identity theft, let me just say something of even greater importance.
This is a sponsored article.
Now that we've gotten that out of the way, please don't get excited and start envisioning how my receiving pay makes you friends with a millionaire. You'd have better luck stalking the winners of the recent $640 million lottery jackpot. Despite the fact that I'm being paid to write this, I'm not making millions. Here's why...
Identity theft is a complex issue and by the time I overcame writer's block--by eating three donuts, two chocolate cream pies, and a leg of lamb--I needed a nap.
Oh, all right, I didn't really eat a leg of lamb. I couldn't stand the idea of some little lamb running around on three legs, so I devoured a couple of chicken breasts, instead.
After all that cost, (gas to the corner store for donuts--$250, ingredients for pies--$10, chasing down chickens for their breasts--priceless) and effort (napping) it took at least ten hours to "write" this little saga. The pay per hour amounted to barely enough to cover the cost of my day-old donuts.
So, if you're thinking of paid blogging as a way to get rich, let me issue a warning. All that will happen is you'll lose money, gain weight, and the chickens in your coop will be missing their breasts.
Speaking of chickens ... I decided to discuss the issue of identity theft protection with my flat-chested hens.
"Y'all know about identity fraud, right?" I said, while scuffing the dust in the chicken pen.
"Ba-wahhhhk," the hens replied in unison. All except for one, who cocked her head and eyed a hapless bug that crawled within reach.
"And you know there's this site named IdentityHawk--"
Before I could even finish the sentence, my feathered friends took off in a frenzy, running in circles, flapping their wings and bumping into each other.
"Wait! No! You misunderstood. I didn't say 'chicken hawk'--I said 'IdentityHawk!'" I waved my arms in hopes of calming them, but chickens can be--well, to put it delicately--dumb. In a matter of minutes, the entire flock lay in the dust. Some of them appeared unconscious from bonking heads with one another, and the remaining hens lay exhausted, fearfully watching the sky.
The moral to this stranger-than-fiction story? Oh, all right, the moral to this tall, tall tale?
Don't waste your time discussing identity theft protection with a bunch of bird brains. (Check out IdentityHawk first.)
(Disclosure: This is a paid article sponsored by IdentityHawk. However, my opinions of the sites, events, of companies involved, or the quality of any products mentioned are my own. Furthermore, mention of any site or product does not necessarily entail endorsement of such. For more disclosure information, please read the disclosure page.)
(Author's Note: If you enjoyed this tall tale based on my life-long minutes as a poultry farmer, check out, "Not the Colonel's Chicken," a true story based on real chickens.)
"Identity Fraud and the Chickens" © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck
Tags: Identity theft protection, Identity Hawk, identity fraud
Bless the Beasts ...
1 month ago