My Olympic-Worthy Training ... by Cindy Beck

© 2009 Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, run, jog, Run Through the Lavender 5K, Olympics, sports training, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)

The Olympics. They’ve always been a goal of mine. Well, at least to watch them on TV.

The other day, while doing extensive research into the voice and technique of other writers … all right I’ll admit it, I was reading blogs … I came across a mention of the Run Through the Lavender 5K.

Wait, let me think. Did that happen while reading blogs? No, I think it took place while researching how to make Twinkies.

At any rate, I found this website and suddenly a mysterious longing to enter the 5K overcame me. I figure some kind of bad mojo grabbed me, because my mind would never come up with a harebrained idea like that. Seriously, if I were meant to run, I’d have four long legs and a pedometer growing out of my head.

But … I digress. When I saw the website, I had visions of myself in spandex, running through the lavender fields of Mona, Utah, inhaling the spicy fragrance that wafted off the fields. That lasted all of thirty seconds, and was followed by the mental image of me trying to squeeze into those running clothes in the first place. The words "myself" and "spandex" do not belong in the same sentence, much less in the same vision.

Nevertheless, I felt determined to run … okay, jog … okay, mostly walk … that 5K. For the past two weeks, I’ve been in training. No fattening foods allowed. Except maybe for chocolate cake. And a cookie or two. And anything else I can get away with when my husband, Russ, isn’t looking.

In the evenings, Russ and I train by running up a humongous hill. It’s exhausting, but I have to say that carrying me on his shoulders has done wonders for Russ’s stamina. Mine, too, because balancing on top of an old, bald guy requires strength and endurance. And usually an extra donut or so.

The 5K takes place on July 11, 2009 at 7:00 in the morning. I’m really hoping you’ll all show your support by not coming, and that my family will be busy that day, so no one will be there to watch me stagger and trip over the finish line.

After that, I plan to go home and watch my video-taped version of the 1922 Olympics—a time in which men were men and spandex wasn’t invented.

What's playing in my head: Chariots of Fire by Vangelis


Danyelle Ferguson said...

Good luck with your 5K Cindy! We love them at our house. John & Isaac run, while I walk with the kids. Totally fun!

Triple Nickel said...

Why would anyone want to run? You don't have to do it for yourself anymore. That's why we have TV! And TV dinners!!!!!
Great Blog!

Slamdunk said...

Congrats on accepting the challenge--it sounds like a wonderful event and something that you will be proud of. Best wishes with your success.

Girl Tornado said...

I've never understood the compulsion to RUN. I hate it.

My sister inherited the running gene - me, the weight lifting gene. I prefer stationary exercise as opposed to shin-splint producing runs.

Seriously, good luck. And if you do collapse, make sure it's face down in some lavender, so at least you'll drift off peacefully...

Nichole Giles said...

Wow, that's quite an undertaking you've signed up to do. But don't worry, I'll be cheering you on from my warm, soft bed as I sleep...

Wait, don't want to rub it in. Come on, I know you can do it. I'm really cheering for both you and Russ--and hope you can keep your balance for the full five miles!

Melanie said...

LOL and share with my hubby! I don't know if it's me or the marshmallows talking, but the vision of you catchin' a ride on Russ was choice. BTW I had you in black and hot pink spandex.

I think you rock for going for it! You'll do great. Somethings are not even in the realm of possibilities for me. 5k? 5 steps, k-I'm done!

Good Luck to you and Russ!

Anna Maria Junus said...

I'm laughing so hard it hasn't even sunk in that you're actually running. Why would you do that? I know, for the funny blog post. We writers will do anything for a laugh.

Now I have to go pee. Thanks.

Rachelle Christensen said...

Oh my heck! You're hilarious. I hope you have a wonderful time. It's so beautiful there and you and Russ can take in all the sights and events for free because you ran the race (at least that's how they did it 2 years ago). Good luck!