Uncle Earl and Aunt Earline ... and Contest Info!

October is one of my favorite months. Why? Because it not only contains Halloween, but also my birthday. Wahoo, birthday cake and ice cream one minute, and Halloween candy the next.

In honor of that, I thought I'd post an original (as in, "written by me") story every Monday in October. And just for the fun of it, I'll leave it up to you to figure out which ones might have a grain of truth and which ones are spun from the cobwebby recesses of my mind.

So, here without further adieu (or is that spelled "a-doo"?) is the first story ...

Uncle Earl and Aunt Earline
© CL Beck, 2009



“This here porch is a solid as a hickory nut shell,” Pappy said as he leaned against the porch rail. It broke with a crack, flinging him into the mud. His jug of moonshine flew towards the ol’ pine tree and nestled into the deep, green branches. It startled Mammy so much that she squealed. It reminded me of what a pig might do what’s just heard her sister’s been turned into a hunderd pounds of breakfast sausage.

And then the Internal Revnoovers showed up.

Lucky for us, Pappy had shut the still down a couple days before, so there warn't no way for them to find it. And the only jug of white lightening on the place was up in that big Georgia pine. I suppose it could be that in lack of thet thar evidence, the Revnoovers decided not to follow through. Or it could be Mammy’s double-barreled shotgun staring ‘em in the face that persuaded ‘em.

Ya see, that’s why the front porch is my favo-rite-ist place in the whole wide world. Ever thing that’s interesting happens out on the thet front porch.

And ever thing that’s nice happens on thet porch, too. Like getting my first kiss, in the dark, from Dixie Lou.

She said, “I’ll give ya a kiss, if’n you promise not to tell.”

I answered, “Cross my heart, hope to die, may the Revnoovers stick a needle in my eye.” I puckered up and she gave me a kiss that kinda made my toes tingle. I didn’t tell a soul, and two days later my best friends, Beau and Billy, told me Dixie Lou had been kissing on ever boy in Soggy Hollow. It didn’t make no never mind to me. I knew she loved me best. After all, she is my cousin.

But I gotta say that the most excitin’ time was when we were sitting out thar at sunset, listening to Uncle Earl singing and playing the banjo. He stopped smack-dab in the middle of singing “Picking up paw-paws,” and said, “I don’t feel like a whole man, no how anymore, and never did, so I’m gonna start being a woman.”

Mammy choked and liked to swallered her corncob pipe. Uncle Earl was her favorite brother. I guessed if he went through with it, that would make him her favorite sister. And my Aunt Earline.

A feller’s just gotta love the front porch. Like I said, ever thing that’s interesting or exciting happens thar.


What's playing in my head: Dueling Banjos by Steve Martin and the Muppets.

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CONTEST WINNERS (last week)
Rachelle Christensen (won Writing the Great American Romance Novel)
Carol L (won It's Just My Nature)

CONTEST (this week)
Prize: Autographed copy of Aunt Rae's Remedies.
Description: This is a fun book of home remedies and here's a blurb from the book: "Meet Aunt Rae--a modern combination of Granny Clampett and Martha Stewart. In this collection of home remedies and household hints, Aunt Rae will keep you laughing as you learn new ways to keep a cleaner house, become self-sufficient and be a healthier person ... Filled with true-life happenings and humorous stories, Aunt Rae's Remedies is a fun and useful book that will make your life easier."
How to Win: Leave a comment on this blog entry by midnight Friday, Oct 9, 2009. It's as simple as pie! (By the way, I get a laugh out of this book every time I read it, and it really does have some helpful home remedies.)

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