Universal Laws

Fun Stuff and Humorous Stories by C.L. (Cindy) Beck

Although things can go wrong on any day of the week, Mondays seem to have a propensity for being the day that starts out dismal and then goes downhill. So, in honor of Monday—and may you all have a wonderful one instead of a bleak one—here is a list of universal laws.

Photo © Skeezix1000 at Wikimedia Commons


1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll need to use the bathroom.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will....

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Now that you've read them, drop off a comment and tell me which is your favorite. Mine is #18, because it's definitely true for me. (Thanks to Karlene Browning for sending this list to me in an email!)


Angie said...

Love those! I feel #18 is very true for me also. I like #17 too. And #2. And a corollary to the bath tub one: If your the mother of young children and you try to use the bathroom, that is the moment your kids will need you the most.

Tristi Pinkston said...

What if I like all of them? Except the coffee one, because I don't work outside the home and I'm more of a peppermint tea girl. I still like it - it just doesn't apply to me. But the rest sure do!

~Christine~ said...

#6 for sure!

Deirdra A. Eden said...

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Go to http://astorybookworld.blogspot.com/p/awards.html and pick up your award.