By C.L. Beck
Words are everywhere. Just look around and I think you’ll agree. For example, there are tee shirts with all kinds of sayings. In light of having reached the ripe old age of plenty-nine, one of my favorites is “I’d rather be over the hill than under it.” Appliances all have instructions on the boxes. Steam iron manufacturers now list the caution, “Do not use while wearing clothes.” I find that advice to be a little ambiguous. I can't decide if it means you should iron naked, or you shouldn’t iron the clothes while they’re on your body.
The written word is in our mail, on our televisions (oh, yes, you know you’ve been reading that little ticker tape at the bottom of Fox News), as well as imprinted on our sunglasses and license plates frames. Hey, it’s even in our underwear! For the moment, though, I’d like to ignore the underwear (not wearing it, just writing about it) and concentrate on the advice you see on the rear of vehicles.
Not long ago, my hubby and I were driving along reading the license plate frames of cars we passed. Just for fun, we came up with the followiong list of slogans that we thought had marketing potential in the Latter-day Saint culture—mostly because they were clean and contained no swear words.
If you don’t like my driving … get off my windshield.
This vehicle powered by 350 horses … watch out for exhaust.
Mountain Heights Hospital … your link to eternity.
My lawyer’s smarter than your lawyer … go ahead and hit me.
My grandkids … are kinda homely. Can I have one of yours?
Pass with caution … blind driver.
He who dies with the most toys … has toddlers at home.
How do you expect me to soar like an eagle … when I’m a big chicken?
Friends don’t let friends drive … over other people.
(And my personal favorite, which only women would understand.) You toucha my car, I breaka you … fingernail.
I’m sure that all these slogans have inspired at least one of your own, so I’m running a contest. Submit your slogans as a comment on this blog. The best entry wins a genuine, almost two-inches tall, never-before-used-in-a-bathtub, LDS RUBBER DUCKY!
How do I know he’s LDS? Well, just look at his modest feathers. No belly button showing on that little quacker.
Please note that, despite the photo shown here, your LDS ducky will not have been sitting in a mud puddle. Although the winner’s toy will look similar, the one shown here is a professional model/actor who has been hired to advertise this blog.
Contest is subject to rules and regulations as governed by the great State of Utah … blah, blah ... and ends July 4, 2008.
(I’m sorry I won’t be able to respond to every entry personally, but be assured that in my heart, I’m laughing at yours. And while you're in the prize-winning mood, check out the prizes listed below that are offered by YourLDSNeighborhood.com, for subscribing to their newsletter.)
What's playing on my radio: Walking Man by James Taylor
What's playing on my TV: Nothing.
What's playing in my head: Same as what's on the radio
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