Weirdness in the Universe

By C.L. Beck
© 2008

Some say that Latter-day Saints live in their own little universe. I say it isn’t so. Let me tell you, if we lived in our own world, we’d make sure it was a lot more logical than this one!

The universe we currently reside in is filled with weirdness, and it only seems to be getting weirder. I came to that realization the other day after eating some mixed nuts. It prompted me to make a list of the illogical things in life.

  1. I can buy peanuts in a jar. Why, then, do they insist on filling the can of mixed nuts with mostly peanuts? Hey, if I wanted peanuts, I’d go buy peanuts.
  2. A stop light turns yellow to signal it’s going to turn red, and drivers should prepare to stop. Why, then, does it only stay yellow for a tenth of a second? Even Mario Andretti couldn’t stop a car in that amount of time.
  3. I spent a lot of years listening to the television telling me to get an education. Now that I’ve gotten one, everything uses symbols. What … they think I can’t read? And exactly what does a rectangle with a big X through it really mean?
  4. The dials and knobs in my car are part of my safety features. Why, then, do they contain symbols the size of a gnat? I’d need to use a magnifying glass to see them. By the time I hauled it out and got the symbols in focus, I’d be upside down in a ditch.
  5. Laptop computers sound like they should sit in your lap. The other day my hubby was working with it in his lap and the computer overheated and locked up. It took hours to get the thing to shut down. Re-reading instructions, we found out that a lap is soft and covers the cooling vents, so the machine is supposed to sit on something firm. And the reason they call it a “laptop” is …?
  6. Toasters used to cook the bread so it was golden on both sides. Now it comes out brown on only one side. How could something as simple as toast get goofed? Maybe the engineers didn’t have a magnifying glass to decipher those little gnat-sized symbols that told them how to build it.
  7. Let’s not neglect the writing world. Using a computer saves precious time, which can then be used for writing that award winning novel. Oh wait, see number 5 above.

I’ve often heard it said that you should save your work every few minutes. I chose to do just that. I saved this blog to my computer and for double insurance decided I should print a hard copy. I clicked a button displaying a symbol that I hoped meant “print”. The machine made a click and paper scrolled through. (Wow, did I really guess right?) Then the paper jammed, the machine clunked, and it squirted ink everywhere.

And the reason they call it a printer is ... ?

What's playing on my radio: Layla by Eric Clapton
What's playing on my TV: Nothing
What's playing in my head: Same as what's on the radio

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