Emergency Preparedness/Live Off the Land ... by C.L. Beck
Photo © gzigzik
I've always considered myself an emergency preparedness/live off the land type-of-gal.
Not the kind, however, who would strap a bandoleer across her chest and live in a compound in Montana. Unless, of course, the bandoleer added inches to her bust measurement and came in "Positively Pink." Then ... maybe.
I'm jiggy with picking fresh fruit. As long as I don't have to bottle it. And going fishing is fun ... as long as I don't have to clean them.
Oh, and hunting! I'm definitely into hunting. Well ... with a camera. And as long as there's indoor plumbing and Hostess raspberry-filled donuts nearby. No, not near the plumbing. Near my mouth.
On occasion, I've even read the Mother Earth News. And then considered making dandelion wine according to the magazine's directions. Minus the wine aspect, of course, since I don't drink--which pretty much just makes it dandelion water. Nice, yellow water.
It reminds me of an old joke ...
Joe's sitting in his hospital bed, looking at his breakfast of scrambled eggs, toast, and apple juice. As he opens the apple juice, he accidentally knocks the plastic cup for it off the tray.
"Dang," he says, with a grimace. "I'm hooked up to all these monitors and there's no way I can reach that."
Sitting next to the breakfast tray is the small plastic container for the urine sample that's needed that morning. Joe thinks for a minute and says, "Well, the specimen cup is clean, so it won't matter if I pour the juice into it."
A few minutes later, the head nurse walks in, picks up the cup, eyes it critically, sets it back on the tray, and says, "Hmmm, we're looking a little cloudy today."
To which Joe says - as he picks up the cup and puts it to his lips -"Well, we'll just run it through again!"
And now that I've totally erased your longing for either dandelion wine or apple juice, I will bid you adieu. In the meantime, drop off a comment and tell me if you've ever had the urge to live off the land.
[Author's note: This article is dedicated to my friend, Andrea--at IGetReady.com--who really and truly is a "live off the land" type-of-gal. But if you're thinking about recruiting her for your compound, there's no point in it--she would never even consider wearing a bandoleer. It detracts from the machete on her hip.]
(Stop! Don't leave yet! If you enjoyed this bit of humor, written by a gal who's version of living off the land consists of visiting Five Guys Burgers and Fries, then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on future fun. )
Tags: emergency preparedness, survivalist, dandelion wine, apple juice, live off the land, Five Guys Burgers and Fries, Hostess donuts
"Emergency Preparedness/Live Off the Land" © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck