A Few Suggestions for Walt Disney ... by C.L. Beck

Epcot Center at Disney World, Orlando, FL

As many of you know, last week I went to Disney World. Well, okay, only three of you actually knew. That's because I try not to announce to all of humankind when I'm going to be gone, and thus prevent burglars from taking up temporary residence in my home. I'm sure none of you are burglars ... well, pretty sure ... but since a few of you might have distant, burglar cousins (and you just don't know that's their livelihood) I prefer to discuss my travels after the fact.

And having clarified that, it's on to tell about Disney World. I doubt there's anyone who's been to the park that didn't find something they loved. However, in the interest of improvement and since I'm now an experienced Disney World Traveler, I feel qualified to state that if Mr. Disney were alive today, there are a few suggestions I'd make to him about his theme park.

1. WATER: Yes, Mr. Disney, there is plenty of water available in your park, but please do not roll over in your grave when I say that almost all of it is in bottles. Bottles that individually cost the yearly salary of an orthopedic surgeon.

Okay, wait. There was a water fountain—maybe even two of them—in the approximately 39 square mile (25,000 acre) park, but water that is at air temperature doesn't count as real water. Real water is cold and does not taste like a Florida swamp.

2. LOCATION: In the winter, Florida is a lovely place. In May, Florida is more like hell. No, seriously, I'm not swearing here; I mean the real hot place, where souls burn and cry out for water. Oh yeah, that's right ... water. See number one, above.

And speaking of Florida, I found out on my return trip home (also known as the Flight from H-ll, thanks to Delta Airlines) that you should never walk your dog near water in Florida. Why? Because the gators will come out and snatch him right off the leash. Hmmm, perhaps chomp him off the leash is more accurate.

Those who've been to Florida understand the logistics with that. It means you can't ever walk the dog anyplace because the entire state is one big, gator infested swamp. The condo where we stayed had lovely ponds which held the bounties of nature. One small pool had minnows swimming in schools, frogs singing at night, birds calling from the shore in the morning ... and an alligator lurking in the dark water.

The condo management did not put one in there by choice. Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't by choice unless they wanted to get rid of a few tourists. The gator just wandered in and decided to make the pond his home. And considering that I saw another gator walking on the grass a short distance (or "a short piece" as they say in Florida) down the road, I'm thinking gators are as common as high humidity in that sunny state.

Oh yes ... humidity. See number three, below.

3. HUMIDITY: Mr. Disney, you really should do something about that humidity at Disney World. Couldn't you have put the place in a big air-conditioned, climate controlled super dome or something? Temperatures of 130 degrees and 200% humidity is enough to make even Goofy cranky. Not to mention all the little rug rats and crumb crushers that are there hoping to have fun, and instead are throwing up from drinking the Florida swamp water that's in the two water fountains. Mmm-hhh, water fountains. Or the lack thereof. See number one, above.

4. MICKEY, MINNIE, PLUTO AND THE GANG: No suggestions here, Mr. Disney. Who could possibly improve on the Disney characters? Pluto hugged my grandkids as if they were his own, and even helped them turn in the right position for great pictures. My only regret is that he had to leave for his scheduled break before someone could snap my picture with him. The Disney princes and princesses always had a smile, and although I know they were getting paid for it, they always seemed sincere. And despite the fact that I was sticky-hot and thirsty while I was there, Epcot Center and Blizzard Beach more than made up for it.

So ... thank you, Mr. Disney, for a great time. I'm sure I spent the family fortune plus all the money I hoarded from picking up small change in parking lots, but I'd gladly do it again!

(If any of you have gone to the Disney Parks, what was your favorite ride or event? I loved "Soar'n" at the Epcot Center!)

------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

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Kathi Oram Peterson said...

Cindy, I've tried to leave a comment several times. First the computer blimped, then I was called away. Let's see if this works. Sounds like you had quite the time in Disney World. I'm glad you made it back with all your fingers and toes (no crocodile attacks). I went years ago in February. The weather wasn't a problem except for the rain. Great post!

Nichole Giles said...

Yay! That must mean you're home. I'm so glad you made it in one piece and didn't melt into a puddle or get eaten by one of those stray gators. I was so worried. *sigh*

My favorite part was Epcot, definitely. And we didn't go to Blizzard Beach, we went to Typhoon Lagoon, which was way, way fun. That is, as long as you get sunscreen evenly spread over your body and not just in splotches so you have patch burns for the rest of the summer.

Glad to know you're alive!

Unknown said...

Cindy, glad you had a fun trip even though you had no water. I loved Disney Land with Robert, it will probably never happen again, but I have lots of beautiful pictures. Kathi isn't the only one having problems posting.

Carol L. said...

hahahahahaha, I'm still laughing 5 minutes after reading. When we went to Disney World a few years ago we almost had heat stroke while walking in Epcot. The humidity was so bad and the temps so high I think we were delirious because an elderly couple actually walked up to me and the then hubby and kids and offered us water. This was in July.Of course who knew at the time we were actually going to vacay in Hell. lol
After thanking them and sipping the "swamp water" you got that so right,we actually spit the room temperature stuff into one of the two water fountains there. lol lol I'll never forget the look on everyone's face.Great post as usual Cindy.
Carol L.

Triple Nickel said...

Leapin Lizards! Y'all better NOT come back now. Ya hear?
Glad Corky Porky Pie wasn't with you. He might stll be there!
Great blog - Thanks.

Rebecca Talley said...

Thanks for the laugh!! My favorite ride is the Rockin' Rollercoaster in what used to be MGM, maybe now it's Disney Studios--I don't know.
My son and his wife will be working there Aug-Jan.

Anna Maria Junus said...

I went in December (no not last December) when they celebrate Christmas with lovely temperatures.

Next time go in December.