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The Bodies Are in the Basement

Posted by my alter ego—that more serious, but still sometimes slightly humorous writer—Cindy Beck.


Photo by Cesar Tort, Wikimedia Commons


Kat Nilsson wrote the words, “I was watching CSI Miami,” in big loopy letters on the legal pad in her lap. Then, since she had writer’s block, she doodled in the loops. After a few minutes of wasted time, Kat scratched her head with the point of her yellow pencil and sighed.

“No. That’s not right. I can’t start a novel out that way. I hate CSI. Can’t stand those women with whitened teeth, brightened faces, and over-tightened blouses.” Kat erased the words with a vengeance, as if erasing the facial features of the botoxed movie stars.

She started again. “Stacy heard a knock at the door, and just as she went to answer—”

As Kat wrote the words, a deep thump, thump, thump reverberated through the house. With a sigh big enough to sink a battleship, Kat threw the pencil into a mug of assorted pens and walked to the front room to see who was knocking.

The wind whistled as she opened the heavy, wooden door, and a chill ran between her shoulder blades. No one stood there. Not a living soul. Attached to the door by a feathered dart was an off-white sheet of paper, with dark, thick handwriting.

It read:
Kat,
If you find the dog, call me.
P.S: The bodies are in the basement.


“The basement?” she whispered. Kat shuddered and tugged her bedraggled University of Utah sweatshirt tight around her body. There was a basement in her house. An old basement with a cold, concrete floor—a room she never, ever, ever went into because … well … anyone who writes murder mysteries knows that something horrifying always happens in the basement.

Scanning the bottom of the note and then turning the paper over, Kat looked for a clue as to who wrote it. No signature, not even a grimy thumbprint to give a hint.

That’s when she heard it—a thin, high-pitched, forlorn howl from under the house. For one illogical second her heart rocketed with fear and she thought about screaming and running to the neighbors. But then, her writer’s curiosity kicked in. Who left the note and why did they put a dog in the basement? How did they know about the basement? Who, what, when, where, how and why?

She counted friends on her fingers. Josi? No, she didn’t own a dog. Nichole? Yes, Nichole was a jokester all right, but also allergic to anything with fur, including.…

Like a good Catholic girl, Kat crossed herself for luck. She might be allergic to aspen and eucalyptus, but at least she wasn’t allergic to mink, like Nichole.

Bulldog, Rex, or Nipsey? Goodness knows their names were doggy enough, but no, they were all too tenderhearted to shove a dog in a basement in order to scare a writer wordless.

It had to be a practical joke, pulled by the neighbor-kid-from-hell, who was always throwing tomatoes at her car when he thought she wasn’t looking. Yup, that had to be it. When she got the dog out of there, she was going to have a long talk with that boy’s parents.

Hitching up her sweatpants, she closed the door behind her and walked around the redwood-sided house to the back yard. Dried leaves crunched under her Big Bird slippers and she realized that they might be a lucky charm when writing, but they wouldn’t do much to protect her against earwigs, black widow spiders, and uggg … stink bugs … that might be in the basement. But it was too late now; her feet took her down the concrete steps as if they had a mind of their own.

Ssshhh. What was that?

A rustling noise, like a lady’s crisp, crinoline underskirt, drifted to Kat's ears. And then, silence. Certain that she’d psyched herself out, Kat took a deep breath and with one hand on the rust-encrusted doorknob, listened again.

Not a sound.

No dog howling, no skirts rustling.

Nothing.

Feeling weak in the knees, and even weaker in the head, she turned the knob and pushed the door. Its hinges squeaked. Dang. She hadn’t done it hard enough, and now she’d have to step inside, in that dark, damp, hole-in-the-ground and push the door all the way open with her shoulder. Why hadn’t she thought to bring a flashlight?

Kat stepped over the doorjamb and shoved. The door slowly inched back, but it was almost as if light feared entering the room. Darkness reigned, and the tiny shaft of brightness that had the courage to shine against the door slowly dimmed as clouds obscured the sun.

That’s when she heard it—an otherworldly moan. And she could make out two bodies, lying on the floor, legs bent at sharp angles, tongues hanging out. A shriek caught in her throat. She wanted to whirl and run but her legs refused to obey.

The shapes unkinked their legs, rose up in front of her, and Kat screamed—a wordless, soundless scream.

"Surprise!" shouted the two bodies as they flicked on flashlights. Hoots of laughter and a chorus of happy birthdays erupted from around the room. They were all there, Josi, Nichole, Bulldog, Rex and Nipsey. And Kat wanted to kill every one of them.

If it wasn’t for Bulldog handing her a puppy that kissed her cheek and snuggled against her shoulder, she would have done it. But then, how mad could she really be, when they’d braved the basement in order to throw a surprise party?

“The puppy’s your present from all of us,” Bulldog said. “Any author who writes about murder needs a dog to curl up with and to protect her from the gaboogities at night.”

The puppy nuzzled Kat's neck, and her heart rate slowly returned to normal. Josi leaned over and stroked the dog’s sleek fur. “What are you going to call her?”

Kat’s eyes twinkled, “After the scare you've all given me, I'm going to name her Heart Attack."

And with that, the puppy pointed her nose in the air and gave a howl of agreement.


What's playing in my head (be sure to click on the link, 'cuz it's cute): The Puppy Song by Harry Nilsson (no relation to the character in this story).

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CONTEST WINNERS (last week)


Sande! Congrats, Sande, you've won an autographed copy of Aunt Rae's Remedies. Please send me your mailing address in an email: cindybeck(dot)author(at)yahoo(dot)com.


CONTEST (this week) In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness

Prize: Autographed copy of Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors.

Description from Cup of Comfort Website: If stories are medicine, then this collection will help keep hopes up and spirits alive on the road to recovery. Readers will applaud the bravery of 50 exceptional survivors as they tell their unique experiences with breast cancer. Every breast cancer survivor has a different story, but they all have one thing in common: courage. From dealing with diagnosis to undergoing chemotherapy, facing hair loss and possibly the loss of a breast, these fearless women undergo more than anyone ever should. These stories pay tribute to these women and their battles, and celebrate their victories. In this stunning new collection, readers will find compelling, inspiring, and uplifting personal essays about the experiences and emotions of living with—and after—breast cancer. $.50 of every copy sold will be donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure®

Cindy's Note: Included in the book is "Dancing in the Moonlight." Written by me, it's the heartwarming story about me and my mom during her diagnosis and surgery for breast cancer.

How to Win: Leave a comment on this blog entry by midnight Friday, Oct 16, 2009. It's as simple as that! If you don't have anyone to give it to who is a breast cancer survivor (that's assuming you win), let me know that in your comments and I'll donate the book to a local library instead. And you'll have done your part for breast cancer!

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Uncle Earl and Aunt Earline ... and Contest Info!

October is one of my favorite months. Why? Because it not only contains Halloween, but also my birthday. Wahoo, birthday cake and ice cream one minute, and Halloween candy the next.

In honor of that, I thought I'd post an original (as in, "written by me") story every Monday in October. And just for the fun of it, I'll leave it up to you to figure out which ones might have a grain of truth and which ones are spun from the cobwebby recesses of my mind.

So, here without further adieu (or is that spelled "a-doo"?) is the first story ...

Uncle Earl and Aunt Earline
© CL Beck, 2009



“This here porch is a solid as a hickory nut shell,” Pappy said as he leaned against the porch rail. It broke with a crack, flinging him into the mud. His jug of moonshine flew towards the ol’ pine tree and nestled into the deep, green branches. It startled Mammy so much that she squealed. It reminded me of what a pig might do what’s just heard her sister’s been turned into a hunderd pounds of breakfast sausage.

And then the Internal Revnoovers showed up.

Lucky for us, Pappy had shut the still down a couple days before, so there warn't no way for them to find it. And the only jug of white lightening on the place was up in that big Georgia pine. I suppose it could be that in lack of thet thar evidence, the Revnoovers decided not to follow through. Or it could be Mammy’s double-barreled shotgun staring ‘em in the face that persuaded ‘em.

Ya see, that’s why the front porch is my favo-rite-ist place in the whole wide world. Ever thing that’s interesting happens out on the thet front porch.

And ever thing that’s nice happens on thet porch, too. Like getting my first kiss, in the dark, from Dixie Lou.

She said, “I’ll give ya a kiss, if’n you promise not to tell.”

I answered, “Cross my heart, hope to die, may the Revnoovers stick a needle in my eye.” I puckered up and she gave me a kiss that kinda made my toes tingle. I didn’t tell a soul, and two days later my best friends, Beau and Billy, told me Dixie Lou had been kissing on ever boy in Soggy Hollow. It didn’t make no never mind to me. I knew she loved me best. After all, she is my cousin.

But I gotta say that the most excitin’ time was when we were sitting out thar at sunset, listening to Uncle Earl singing and playing the banjo. He stopped smack-dab in the middle of singing “Picking up paw-paws,” and said, “I don’t feel like a whole man, no how anymore, and never did, so I’m gonna start being a woman.”

Mammy choked and liked to swallered her corncob pipe. Uncle Earl was her favorite brother. I guessed if he went through with it, that would make him her favorite sister. And my Aunt Earline.

A feller’s just gotta love the front porch. Like I said, ever thing that’s interesting or exciting happens thar.


What's playing in my head: Dueling Banjos by Steve Martin and the Muppets.

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CONTEST WINNERS (last week)

Rachelle Christensen (won Writing the Great American Romance Novel)
Carol L (won It's Just My Nature)

CONTEST (this week)
Prize: Autographed copy of Aunt Rae's Remedies.
Description: This is a fun book of home remedies and here's a blurb from the book: "Meet Aunt Rae--a modern combination of Granny Clampett and Martha Stewart. In this collection of home remedies and household hints, Aunt Rae will keep you laughing as you learn new ways to keep a cleaner house, become self-sufficient and be a healthier person ... Filled with true-life happenings and humorous stories, Aunt Rae's Remedies is a fun and useful book that will make your life easier."
How to Win: Leave a comment on this blog entry by midnight Friday, Oct 9, 2009. It's as simple as pie! (By the way, I get a laugh out of this book every time I read it, and it really does have some helpful home remedies.)

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Just Having Fun ... A Halloween PhotoCard

By C.L. Beck

It's rainy and dreary out. What's a body to do? I could always go eat cookies, but since that's not good for the waistline (yes, believe it or not, I once had a waistline), I decided to go play at my Zazzle store.

My husband, Russ, took this shot of a black cat with a pumpkin body and it made a dang cute Halloween photocard! (In my opinion :)

I thought I'd share it with you because ... well ... Halloween is coming. And I'm tickled with the card because it's so cute. Even Corky Porky Pie, the dog, thinks so.

Not to turn this into an advertisement, but if you want to order a few, they're a really good buy at 10 for $10.00, with envelopes included. That's a dollar apiece and you can't beat that price in a recession, huh?

I'm going back out now to make matching postage. How cool is that?

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A Quick Smile ... And BOOK GIVEAWAYS!

Posted by Cindy Beck
Funny anecdote received from the Good Clean Funnies

The Old Ford

When my husband, Mark, took his beat-up pickup truck to our
insurance agent for a pre-insurance inspection, the teen-age
receptionist was sent to look over the truck. Armed with a
checklist and a few simple questions, she breezed through
the chore. She asked, "What are the age and make of the
vehicle?"

Mark replied, "It's a '65 Ford." Apologetic about its
desperate condition, he added, "It's an old fossil."

Inside, the office assistant entered the data into her
computer and frowned. "Is there a problem?" asked Mark.

"Mr. Evans, our computers have a lot of automotive data,"
she explained, "but it's never heard of a Ford Fossil."


BOOK GIVEAWAYS! WIN A BOOK!


To enter, leave a comment no later than Friday at midnight on this blog and tell me which of the two books below you'd like to win. If you'd like a chance to win both books, become a follower (click on the follower link in the sidebar), and leave a comment telling me you did it and that you'd like a chance to win both books. It's that simple. Winners will be drawn by random and announced the following week.

GIVEAWAY #1




It's Just My Nature
by Carol Tuttle
A Guide to Knowing and Living Your True Nature

From the Back Cover:
Why do we use the term "human nature?" What do we mean by "nature?" What does it mean when we say someone has a natural gift? Where does this gift come from? Best-selling author, Carol Tuttle, provides compelling and life changing answers to these simple questions in her newest book, It’s Just My Nature!

It’s Just My Nature! reveals a startlingly accurate method for assessing your personality and behavioral tendencies with a new system called Energy Profiling.

Note: If you don't win, you can always order Carol Tuttle's book at Amazon.com (click here). You can also visit Carol at: www.thecarolblog.com.

GIVEAWAY #2
(Catharine Lanigan is a charming, articulate woman that I met at a Cedar Fort Writer's Conference in May of this year. She was more than willing to share tips and tricks to help anyone who wanted to break into the romance market. Thank you, Catherine, for your kindness to those coming up behind you! )


Writing the Great American Romance Novel by Catherine Lanigan

From the Back Cover:
If you love writing love stories, this comprehensive guide shows how to break into the romance genre, which accounts for more than half of all mass-market paperback sales. Bestselling romance author, Catherine Lanigan, offers every writing tool you need as well as insight into the writer's relationship with agents, editors, and publicists.

Note: If you don't win, you can always order Catherine Lanigan's book at Allworth Press (click here).

Pocket Taser

Posted by Cindy Beck
Author unknown, received in an email.

I didn't write this, although it's so funny I wish I had. A friend sent it in an email, and I could actually envision a number of my guys trying what the man said he did in this story. I laughed until I cried while I read it. Hope you enjoy it.


Photo by Junglecat/Wikimedia Commons


Pocket Taser: Only a Man Would Try This

(Author unknown)

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife, Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing the victim adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get a blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect her against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "No possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it." I figured that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and ....

HOLY COW . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HECK!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, my chest burning, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

IT HURT LIKE HECK!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and chest were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.

And I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

P.S. My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it.

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!



What's playing in my head: Nothing, I'm laughing too much to have a song in my head.

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Of Cats and Birds ... by Cindy Beck

© 2009, Cindy Beck





Everyone … well, almost everyone … had a pet as a kid. In fact, I still have one. I call him, “Russ.”

Oh wait, that’s my husband. My pet is a dog named Corky Porky Pie and the Porky part fits well (the dog, not Russ). But I digress ....

When I was a teenager, I owned a parakeet named George. He wasn’t very bright. He once bit my uncle, who was trying to teach him to whistle. George subsequently picked up a few other names from my uncle that couldn't be repeated in polite company. When it finally dawned on us that “George” was a misnomer, we nicknamed him something more accurate—“That Stupid Bird.”

I also owned a cat. I should’ve named him, “That Stupid Cat,” but instead I called him Oedipus Rex. It was a dignified, grand name for a cat that we later realized liked to leave his calling card on every bush in the yard. Therefore, we shortened it (his name, not his calling card) to Eddie.

Eddie would sit in front of the birdcage every day, admiring George-That-Stupid-Bird and watching him for hours. Being a teenager with dreamy notions of romance, I thought Eddie was in love with his feathered friend, and that his attraction knew no bounds.

I had at least part of it right.

One day while doing homework in my bedroom, I heard George-That-Stupid-Bird kicking up a fuss, squawking and slapping his wings against the bars of the cage. Rushing into the room, I was greeted by feathers flying everywhere. Eddie was on top of the cage with a mouthful of tail feathers, tugging and pulling on the upside down George-That-Stupid-Bird in an effort to get him through the half-inch slats. It resembled something from the Saturday morning Looney Tunes.

I grabbed Eddie and bounced him up and down. Well, at least as much as possible without jerking the bird in his mouth through the cage’s bars. Finally, the cat let go of the bird.

End of story. So much for romance.

And there should be a moral to this tale, but I’ll be danged if I know what it is … unless it’s that a bird in the cage is more enticing than two in the bush.



What's playing in my head: The Looney Tunes Theme.

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Cindy's Brain Joins the Circus

By Cindy Beck



Why is it that when I open a blog composition box, my brain runs away and joins the circus?

Really, it's not that hard to write a blog, is it? Nowadays, almost everyone does it ... including Bo-Bo, the Chimp. I'm proud to say that even my seventy-three-year-old mother, who's definitely smarter than Bo-Bo, writes a blog.

Wait. Look at that last sentence. Is "seventy-three-year-old" really supposed to have that many hyphens? It looks like someone took a knife and stabbed it in multiple places.

I'm thinking it's questions like "What hyphens go where?" that cause my knees to shake and my insides to feel like they're filled with live gummy worms when writing something for the Internet. After all, what if I hyphenate something wrong? Or my spellcheck runs a mock and lets all kinds of pore lee spelled words through?

For many years, I chugged along in ignorant bliss believing that if I made errors on a web page and posted it, I could delete the page seconds later. Poof ... with one keystroke, all my grammar sins would be forgiven.

But, nope.

Some time ago, in a heart wrenching moment of discovery, I learned that in a galaxy far, far away there is actually an archive that's been keeping track of posted web pages—you know, the www.SomethingOrOther.com type pages—since the Dark Ages of 1996.

Alas and alack, yes.

I'd list the address of the archives, in case there are some who want to check the accuracy of my facts, but I intend to delete this entry right after I post it, in case it contains errors and is being archived.

Besides that, I can't remember the address. Along with being a talented, fat-fingered typist who can fool spellcheck with sound-alike words (also known as homophones), I have a memory that's like cheesecloth tied in a knot. Or not. See? Another homophone.

It's lucky for me that I have such a sieved memory, because otherwise I'd be out there moaning over my misspelled words, poorly placed images, and text that looks like it was written in China.

Still, despite the dangers of making a bloggy mistake that makes me look like I'm related to Bo-Bo the Chimp, I'm here today, posting more words to grieve over in the future.

Why? Because after a vast amount of research (ten seconds just now on the 'Net), I'm thinking the robots that do the archiving can't access this blog. I'm not sure what that means for Bo-Bo the Chimp, but for me it means I'm safe as long as I'm here.

And that makes me feel a lot better. Therefore ... let the miss steaks beguine and the chips fall wear they Mae!

(Author's note: This blog entry was all in fun, but the archives are real and if you're interested in accessing them, you can find them here: http://www.archive.org/web/web.php

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Winner of last week's contest:


The winner of the book, "The Sunflower Club" is Shirley Bahlmann! Wahoo, Shirley, way to go!

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What's playing in my head: Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite, by the Beatles.

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The Plant Killer, "Sunflower Club" & a Contest

By Cindy Beck
© 2009




The Plant Killer


I should have known better than to plant several small sumac in the yard, because I live with ... (menacing organ music) ... the Plant Killer! Otherwise known by its scientific name as F. Russell Beck.

It seems like only yesterday, in the crowning achievement of my life, that I actually grew a softball-sized watermelon in my garden. That is, until my husband came along with the Mega-Tiller of Death and ran the melon over, splitting it in half like a ... well, like a ripe watermelon ... and leaving it to die in the hot sun. (Click here to read about it in "The Parable of the Watermelon.")

Russ claims it was an accident. Knowing him, I'm sure that's true. He would never intentionally do something like that. However, his subconscious must lie awake at night, planning the demise of my yard and garden. Otherwise, how could it be that a man who can walk a straight line with his eyes closed, mows in a zigzag that takes out every plant on the entire block?

Well, okay maybe not the entire block, but only because we have a big vinyl fence that goes around the yard. If not for that, he'd mow right past the property line and over the neighbor's eight-foot plum tree. If the neighbors are wise, they'll put their above ground swimming pool on the other side of their yard next year, because I've seen Russ and his wild mower crash into our vinyl fence several times this summer.

On Sunday, I walked out to look at my lovely little sumac grove. The lawn chairs, chicken wire, and old satellite dish that I'd placed around them as protection had been for knot. Yup, my cleverly designed protective devices were heaped off to the side in a tangled knot.

Using my excellent sleuthing abilities, I recognized the tracks that circled around the yard and serpentined back to the sumac. Lawnmower!

I hurried over to my grove, knelt on the ground and ran my hand over the closely clipped grass. Nubbins were all that remained of my little trees. The heart-rending cry that followed caused passersby to cover their hearts in sympathy. Who knew Russ could cry that loud?

I'm continuing to water, fertilize, and pray over the murdered sumac, in hopes they'll come back from the roots. I'm so desperate that I might even try a voodoo spell. The kind that involves sharp pins and a little doll made in Russ's image.

In the meantime, I've devised a plan. One that will work far better than piling junk around my plants to protect them. The next time the Plant Killer's subconscious starts plotting to mow over my trees, I'm going to pull his plug.

What? No, not that plug. His lawnmower's plug.

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Last week's contest winner: Only one person guessed correctly that statement #4, "My favorite position to play in softball is outfield" was false.

My favorite position was not outfielder, but CATCHER!

Rachelle Christensen wins one of the two prizes, a mini first aid kit. And since that still leaves another first aid kit, I've put the remaining names into the random generator, and it pulled Ronda Hinrichsen.

Congratulations to you both. I already have Rachelle's address, but Ronda, would you please email me yours? Thanks!

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"The Sunflower Club" and a Contest


In conjunction with my planting tale of woe, I'd like to mention a book that I recently received from Gretchen Holland, while at the LDS Bookseller's Convention a couple of weeks ago. Gretchen wrote a cute book for children called, "The Sunflower Club."




Here's the blurb from the back of the book:

Jenny and Jacob look forward to summer vacation every year, but this summer will be different. As the twins prepare to turn eight and be baptized, their Grandfather introduces them to a club. They begin to understand that they can join the club too, IF they learn some important lessons. As small sunflower seeds arrive in the mail, Jenny and Jacob's special adventure begins. With the help of their Mom and Dad, their older brother Alex, and, of course Grandpa, this summer will teach them important lessons about faith, trust, love, work, and sharing their feelings with others as they get ready to join "The Sunflower Club."

Gretchen was so sweet and gave me an autographed copy of the book to use as a prize in a contest.

So ... here's how to enter to win:

1. For one entry, leave a comment on this blog post.

2. For two entries, leave a comment here telling me you plan to leave a second comment about the contest, along with the link to my blog, out at Facebook. And then remember to actually go out and post that at FB. (You're on the honor system here.)

I'll pull a winner at random, next Monday. Good luck!

(And thanks to Gretchen, for donating the book. You can purchase Gretchen's book at Amazon.com.)

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I'm a Kreativ Blogger ... by Cindy Beck



A long time ago, and in a land that's somewhere over the rainbow, Oz-Girl nominated me for the Kreativ Blogger award. I was staggered. I was stunned. I left a comment at her site thanking her for it, and it disappeared. I'm guessing a munchkin ate it! (Ooo, I'd better be careful or L. Frank Baum's ghost is going to haunt me for making such accusations.)

Then, in the past couple of weeks, Ali Cross and Nichole Giles nominated me again. I'm staggered. I'm stunned. This time the munchkins better not eat my thanks.

According to the rules of the award, I must tell seven things about me that no one knows. Considering all the games of tag that I've played, it's getting hard to dig up seven unknown truths. Or even semi-truths. So, in keeping with my warped unusual sense of humor, I'm going to give six true facts and one that's a lie made up.

The first two people to comment and correctly guess which one of the seven facts is not accurate wins a mini first aid kit ... great for the car, backpack, gym bag, or desk drawer at work. (Sorry, but family members may not participate in the contest. A a few of them actually know me!)

1. I met my husband, Russ, in high school at a horror movie.
2. My son and his family were once extras in a movie.
3. I learned to play the flute in college.
4. My favorite position to play in softball is outfield.
5. I've visited Canada.
6. My cousin-in-law is from Denmark.
7. My co-authored book of humor, Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, is due out in December.

Thanks again to Oz-Girl, Ali Cross and Nichole Giles for the award. And now, for my nominations ...

Bugs Bunny
Sylvester and Tweety
Pepe Le Pew
Yosemite Sam

(And if Pepe Le Pew responds, would someone please let me know? I want to know how he's going to answer the questions!)

What's playing in my head: Theme Song for the Bugs Bunny Show.

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A Tale of Disorganization ... by Cindy Beck

AND A REVIEW OF, ORGANIZE AS YOU GO, written by Marie Ricks.

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, disorganization, organization, organizational tips, Organize as You Go, Marie Ricks, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, down home humor, funny, laugh)

I woke up this morning wondering what I'd forgotten to do last night. Try as I might, it alluded me. So, I ran a nice warm bath, added bubbles, and as I did, Corky Porky Pie, the dog, jumped in. No matter, I could just give him a bath.

That's when I remembered he would refuse to cooperate unless his rubber ducky floated in the water. No big deal, I dashed out of the bathroom and to the closet where Quackers resided. Opening the door, a super-sized bottle of shampoo fell off the cluttered shelf and onto my head. No problem, I liked seeing stars. I staggered around, dazed, and tripped over Russ's bowling ball that sat nearby. Grabbing my stubbed toe, I reached for the bowling ball. Too late. It bounced down the stairs and with a crash, fell through the floor. Oh well, I always wanted a second entrance to the basement.

Just then, Corky Porky appeared beside me, dripping wet and munching on a bar of bath soap. The muddy water from his coat spread in an ever widening circle on the white carpet. "No worries," I said with a sigh, "I needed to clean the carpet, anyway."

That's when it dawned on me. If I had read, Organize as You Go, by Marie Ricks—as I'd planned the night before—I could have avoided the whole scenario!

Author's note: Okay, so I made it all up for your amusement. Russ doesn't really own a bowling ball and I don't have a white carpet. But, Corky Porky Pie does own a rubber ducky and he does need a bath! (The dog, not the rubber ducky:)


Review of "Organize as You Go," by author, Marie Ricks




Cover Blurb:
Have time to smell the roses again. Bring greater organization to your busy life! It is often the small, but important changes you make in the way you think, what you do, and how you respond to your daily stresses that makes all the difference in your capacity to have an ordered, more productive life. Are you seeking for answers and wanting to implement major changes? If so, this book is for you. Learn about 50+ organizing as you go personal, family, and home organization principles to change your life for the better, beginning today!

My Opinion:
I'm always game to try new organizational methods, so I really looked forward to reading Marie's book ... and she didn't disappoint me.

Organize as You Go is broken into seven easy-to-read sections, so that once you've read the entire book, you can use it as a quick reference. She gave organizational advice for every day use, holiday use, at home, during travel or moving, as well as suggestions to stay organized for the future. In addition, she mentioned forms to help organize your life that are available at her website.

Since I recently moved into a new home and a few unpacked boxes still sit tucked into corners, I enjoyed her advice on how to get those last few, stubborn boxes unloaded and put away.

What I liked most about the book, however, was that it left me feeling motivated and inspired, with the attitude that organizing my life wasn't as hard as it sometimes seemed. And when it comes to organizing, that's half the battle.

The book would make a wonderful wedding gift, as well as a Christmas gift for those who need a little extra help with their organizational skills. And it makes a great reference book for those who want life to flow a little ... or a lot ... smoother.

To learn more about the Marie Ricks and her other work, click here for Marie's blog.

To purchase a copy of Organize As You Go, click here.


What's playing in my head: Nothing. I've turned off the songs so I can get my ear worms organized in alphabetical order.

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Strike Three ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, mom, mother, breast cancer awareness, Southern Maryland Blue Crabs, sew, talents, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, down home humor, funny, laugh)




You’d have to know my mom—she’s a woman of many talents. For one thing, she’s a fantastic organizer. She’s so good that if the Republican National Committee requested it, she could orchestrate the next Presidential Inaugural Ball with both eyes closed and while under general anesthesia.

I don’t bring that up because I plan on having her anesthetized any time soon, but so you’ll understand her abilities.

If you’re ever on a cruise ship and see the two of us, my mom would be the classiest lady on board, while I’d be the cruise-ee wearing one broken flip-flop and old peddle-pushers* from 1963. That’s assuming I could ever manage to scrape together enough dough to go on a cruise.

My mom also sews. In my elementary school years, she created cute little outfits for me which I proceeded to destroy and decimate by climbing trees and sliding down hills on my backside.

One summer, in hopes of helping me learn to run a household someday ("someday" meaning that unknown point in time when presumably I'd marry a boy instead of playing football with him), Mom undertook teaching me to sew. My handiwork turned out great. The shorts could have held a pair of Siamese twins and their Siamese dogs—with a pant leg for each. After that, Mom gave up educating me on the “genteel” arts.

Now that I’ve supplied our mother-daughter history, I want to make it clear that when I say there are three things my mom can not do, I’m not criticizing her but simply stating facts.

Mom can’t whistle. When she tries, it comes out as a puff of air with sing-songy noises.

Having grown up during hard times, Mom never owned a bike, nor learned to ride one. Therefore, as a nine-year-old I taught Mom all the essentials, and then quickly regretted it when she ran my bike into a pole, crunching my front basket. Even when she finally, sorta, maybe got the hang of balancing on a bike, she could never figure out how to stop. She’d just put her feet down to slow the bike from 60mph to 55, and then bail off, leaving the bike to weave down the street and crash into the nearest parked car.

The last thing Mom can’t do is throw a ball. Any ball. Not even a wadded piece of paper into a trash can.

So, when I answered the phone on Friday and Mom said, “Because of my work with Civista Health in promoting breast cancer awareness, there’s a possibility I may throw out the first pitch at the Southern Maryland Blue Crabs [minor league] baseball game in two weeks,” I fell on the floor, laughing. With tears rolling down my face.

Corky Porky Pie, the dog, ambled over to see if I’d had a stroke.

I finally quit with the hysterics and pulled the phone away from the dog, who was carrying it to the backyard to bury it. “They asked you to throw a ball? At a real ball game? While they were at it, why didn't they just ask you to ride a bike around the bases afterwards?”

Mom laughed at that thought as much as I did.

When my husband, Russ, came home a little later, I told him the news. He looked at me incredulously. “Your mom? Throw out the first pitch? We’re talking your mom? With a real ball? While they were at it, why didn’t they just ask her to whistle the national anthem?”

I know some might think I made this up, so let me set the record straight right now. I kid you not.

If Mom is chosen to throw out the first pitch, it will be a day that lives on in infamy for some poor event organizer for the Blue Crabs. Emergency personnel will probably take him off in a straight jacket as he mumbles, “But she was supposed to throw it over home plate, not knock out the lights on the scoreboard!”

With a little luck, there’ll be a webcam at the baseball game. I live halfway across the country and won't be able to be there, but I have to see my mom throwing a pitch. I just hope she doesn’t bean anyone.

And from what Mom tells me, so does she.


* For those who weren’t around in the dark ages, “peddle-pushers” were an early version of capris.



What's playing in my head: Take Me Out to the Ball Game, featuring Harry Caray and the Chicago Cubs fans.

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CONTEST WINNER: Nancy is the winner of the book, Martha's Freedom Train from last week's contest. Nancy, please email your mailing address to me at bumblebeephoto2(at)yahoo(dot)com.

"Martha's Freedom Train" and a CONTEST!

Posted by Cindy Beck

Although I usually post something that relates to humor here, once in a while I’ll do a book review. Today, it’s my privilege to review a charming book of historical fiction, written for children by my good friend, C. LaRene Hall.




FROM THE COVER BLURB OF MARTHA'S FREEDOM TRAIN:

Martha and her parents escape slavery with the help of many conductors for the Underground Railroad—an escape route set up by people of all colors. They finally have a safe place to stay, but Mama has caught pneumonia and is too ill to travel farther. Papa learns about a wagon train of Mormons traveling west, and he takes Martha to meet them. Her heart almost breaks when he sends her west with these strangers. Martha encounters many exciting adventures along the way. They cross rivers, see Indians and buffalo. She helps put out a fire, and after falling asleep beside the trail, they accidentally leave her behind. Once they reach the Salt Lake valley, she still has choices to make, and Martha wonders how her papa will find her.

MY OPINION:

This is a delightful story that’s quick reading, and yet contains enough excitement that it’s hard to put down. It’s well written and the characters capture the imagination. Although it’s intended for those ten and older, I found it fun, even as an adult. I liked the moral of the story, that God loves all children regardless of color, and mentally cheered in the section that disclosed Martha had a burning desire to learn to read.

In addition, children and adults alike will enjoy the cute penciled illustrations that depict slices of Martha’s journey. And I loved the pioneer recipes for journey cakes and prickly pear jelly at the back of the book.

Now, if I could just manage to pick a few prickly pears without getting poked …

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

I thought you might like to know a little about LaRene, so here are a few of her responses to Crazy Eights, a game of tag she participated in earlier this year. If you’d like to read all her answers, click here.

Eight Things C. LaRene Hall Wishes She Could Do:
1. Go along ways away
2. Have more writing time
3. Have more time everyday to do what I want
4. Find someone to publish my next book
5. Travel to new places all the time
6. Have no bills
7. Have enough money to travel
8. Have no weeds in the yard

Eight Shows She Watches:
1. News
2. Perry Mason
3. Murder She Wrote
4. My Three Sons
5. I don’t know what else is on. I don’t start watching anything until after 9 pm
6. This is a hard question and I have no answers.
7. A good movie if there is any on.
8. I don’t watch much TV because I’d rather write or read.


CONTEST:
This is your chance to enter a drawing to win a signed copy of Martha’s Freedom Train! Simply do one of the following:

1.Tell your friends about Martha’s Freedom Train by posting this link on either Facebook or Twitter: http://www.authorhouse.com/Bookstore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=55282 , and leave a comment here that you’ve done that … OR …

2.Go to Amazon.com (click here) and leave a quick note about Martha’s Freedom Train in the review or discussion section. Something easy like “This book sounds great!” will work just fine. Then, leave a comment here on my blog that you’ve done that … OR …

3.Mention Martha’s Freedom Train on another blog (as an entry or a comment on your own blog, or a comment on a friend’s blog), along with the link, http://www.authorhouse.com/Bookstore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=55282 and then leave a comment here that you’ve done that ... OR …

4.Go to LaRene’s blog at http://www.clhall.blogspot.com, leave a comment such as, “I hope to win a copy of your book at Cindy Beck’s blog,” and then leave a comment here telling me you’ve done that.


The winner will be picked next Monday, by a random generator. Or possibly by my dog, Corky Porky Pie, who isn’t quite as random but can’t read, either, and so is guaranteed to be impartial. The winner’s name will be announced next Monday, here at my blog.

Good luck!

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The Snake Wrangler ... by Cindy Beck

© Cindy Beck, 2009

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, turtle, snake, rattlesnake, wrangler, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)




A study done many years ago found that a fake turtle placed on the street caused drivers to stop their cars and get out, presumably to either help the turtle cross the street, or to wish it well. However, when a snake was placed on the road, people intentionally aimed for it, drove over it, backed up their cars, and drove over it again.

Can’t say that I blame them.

Normally, I wouldn’t go out of my way to run over a snake, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t invite one to my Bar Mitzvah, either. Mostly, because I’m not Jewish. But also because I’m not a guy. And then there’s the most important reason … snakes give me the whim-whams, and I don't want to be anywhere near them. Even in my car.

Therefore, I can think of no earthly reason why, when we were driving down the road and I saw a snake, that I felt an humanitarian urge to help it.

“Stop! Don’t hit it!” I yelled, causing my husband to slam on the brakes and thereby turning Corky Porky Pie, the dog, into a furry projectile in the back seat—that is, until his doggy harness caught and the impending rebound flung him back into place.

“Don’t hit what?” Russ asked frantically.

“That snake on the road!”

Russ raised his eyebrows. “You wanted me to stop for a snake? You almost had me roll the SUV, and send Corky through the windshield so we wouldn’t squash a ... a … reptile?”

Russ paused and leaned forward, peering through the front windshield. “You know you don’t like snakes. And I don’t even see one on the road.”

Okay, I’ll admit it; it did look like roadkill, so I decided to forgive Russ for not noticing it. I pointed at the snake through the window, then opened the car door and put one foot on the ground, intending to get out and move the critter. Until I realized I’d never herded a snake to safety before.

I put my foot back inside. “Ummm … what should I do to get it moving?”

Russ grinned. “You could always try picking it up by its rattles.”

“Very funny. I’m not trying to take it home for a pet, so I am not touching it. And it’s not a rattlesnake, either.”

Russ inclined his head toward the shoulder of the road. “Throw a few rocks at it.”

Three handfuls of gravel and four odd looks from passing motorists later, the snake hadn’t blinked an eye or flicked a forked tongue at me. Possibly because I was standing far, far away out of fear it would turn and slither up my pant leg.

That also might explain why my handfuls of gravel barely touched it.

“I give up,” I said getting back in the car. “Maybe it’s dead.”

And that’s when Russ showed what a really good guy he is. “Would you like me to help it off the road for you?”

“Yes, please!”

Russ got out and walked toward the snake, slapping his hands together as if that’s what all snake wranglers do. The snake didn’t move one iota.

I leaned out the window and gave my most sage advice. “It's probably dead.”

Russ stopped three feet away from the reptile’s tail, and then he smacked his foot against the ground. The creature just laid there, looking like an evening snack for a vulture.

“Yup, it's probably dead,” Russ said, echoing my earlier sentiments, and reaching out with his foot to nudge it.

“Just in case, you might not want to do that. You’re not as fast as you used to be,” I called. Corky Porky yapped his agreement.

“Oh, sure I am. I’m just as quick—”

The snake whipped around and lunged for Russ with its nine-hundred foot long fangs.

Never, in all the history of mankind, has an old dude jumped so high, or hopped so fast. But I have to say, I was proud of the old geezer. No, not the snake … Russ. He’d managed to annoy the snake enough that it slithered off the road and into the dirt, and all without getting bit. What more can you ask from a not-as-fast-as-he-used-to-be snake wrangler?

I only wish I’d had a video camera with me.


What's playing in my head: Nothing, I'm too busy laughing at the memory of Russ hopping all over the road, trying to get away from that sssssssssnake.

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Contact Information

Please feel free to contact me at author(at)bythebecks(dot)com. I'd love to hear from you.

Monkey with a Death Wish

Posted by Cindy Beck

(Keywords: monkey, tiger, kids, tease, taunt, death wish, Cindy Beck, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh )

You know how kids taunt and tease each other for fun? Apparently it's not confined to just kids. And it's a pretty safe bet on my part to say that almost all parents watching this will feel the urge to say, "Quit teasing, before someone gets hurt!"





What's playing in my head: Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.


Watch for my upcoming humor book, Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, due for release in Dec 2009, and co-authored with Nichole Giles. The hilarious, true stories written by Nichole and me, as well as by other outstanding authors, will have you laughing up a storm.

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My Writings ... by Cindy Beck



Mormon Mishaps and Mischief is an anthology of humorous stories of Latter-day Saints at their funniest. Compiled with anecdotes from multiple LDS authors, as well as ones written by co-authors Cindy Beck and Nichole Giles. Release date: December 2009--just in time for Christmas giving! (The book makes a great stocking stuffer!)

You can visit our LDS Humor Blog for more information and for humorous, weekly posts.

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My story, "A Whap on the Head" is featured in the nationally published anthology, My Dad is My Hero, It's available at my website and you can click on the cover image (above) to read an excerpt. This book makes a great gift for Dad for Father's Day, birthday, or Christmas!

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My nationally published short story, "Dancing in the Moonlight" is featured in Cup of Comfort for Breast Cancer Survivors, and is available at my website. It's the story of my feelings about my mom's journey through breast cancer. Click on the image above to read an excerpt. This book is a fantastic birthday or Christmas gift for breast cancer survivors.

If you'd like to read a humorous article about my mom (a 13+ year breast cancer survivor) and her upcoming opportunity to throw out the first pitch at a minor league baseball game (an honor bestowed for her volunteer breast cancer awareness work with Civista Health and before they realized she doesn't know how to throw a ball), click here.

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"Horse on Lap" is the true story of our Arabian horse and the day she did something very unusual ... even for a horse! "Horse on Lap" is featured in Cup of Comfort for Horse Lovers, and is available at my website. Click on the image above to read an excerpt.

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Chariots of Wimpy Fire ... by Cindy Beck

© 2009, Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, run, jog, Run Through the Lavender 5K, sports training, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)




YES! I did it! I just completed the Run Through the Lavender 5K! (For those of you who missed out on the antics while I’ve been in training, you can catch up on them here.)

When we arrived at the lavender farm for the race on Saturday morning, we had to walk—along with six million other people who kicked up clouds of swirling dust—from the parking lot to the registration desk. I said to my husband, Russ, “Hack, cough … does this distance from the parking lot … cough, cough … to the registration desk count as part of the run? ‘Cause if it does, we’ll have completed the race before we’re even registered.”

I grabbed my throat. “Aacccckkkkk!”

Russ looked at me through dusty eyelashes. “What’s wrong?”

“I swallowed a bug!”

Looking back on it, I’m sure it was a sign I should turn around and leave. If women were meant to walk/run and risk inhaling bugs in the process, they’d have been built with a bug screen in front of their teeth.

After waiting in line with the same six million people from the parking lot, we received our registration numbers and free T-shirts. The kind of free shirts that cost $17 apiece when we registered. Apparently most runners are munchkins, because all the shirts were size small. Small, as in able to fit a six-year-old who hadn’t eaten for the past three years.

Good thing I hadn’t shown up in just a sports bra, thinking they were giving me a shirt I could wear. The up side though, was that I now had a Christmas present for my four-year-old granddaughter.

We got in line behind the masses at the starting gate. It reminded me of sheep in a chute, being lead to their demise, and I considered running my race by heading back to the car. Before I had a chance, though, someone spoke unintelligible words though a megaphone and then shot a gun in the air, almost killing a crow.

The experienced runners bolted from the gate, while the sane people stood around drinking water and doing deep knee bends to impress each other. Finally, the chute emptied enough for contestants to walk through without getting trampled, and after two or three minutes, Russ and I leisurely strolled over the starting line.

“You don’t think they’re been counting time since they almost shot that bird, do you?” I asked Russ.

“Naw. Why would they do something like that?”

We ambled along a little farther, and the sun came out—warm, bright sun that made us sweat, and made me wonder why they hadn’t found a way to air condition those lavender fields.

That’s also when I realized the pack had thinned and some of them were already three-quarters of the way done with the race. I looked behind, thinking there were at least another hundred people slower than us. Instead, all I saw was a little ol’ lady in a wheelchair and a pregnant woman pushing a stroller. And they were gaining fast.

“Run,” I said to Russ, as he swatted at a mosquito that had targeted him. “Run or we’re going to end up last!”

We ran. And walked. And then ran again.

I stepped on a pointed rock that dug into my heel, and then hopped on one leg for two yards until the pain subsided. “Old people should never run a 5K,” I said to Russ.

Russ wiped the perspiration from his eyes with his shirt sleeve. “It’s not the running that’s the problem. It’s the sweat. Why did you make me take those free T-shirts back to the car? I could’ve used one as a bandana.”

We ran some more. Finally, we only had two yards to the finish line. People cheered on the sidelines, and a burst of exhilaration flooded through me, along with a jolt of adrenaline. I would make it! I was a runner. Nothing could stop me. I was—aaccccckkkkkk!

Choking, I attempted to spit up the gum I'd been chewing that had slid down my throat the wrong way. If you’ve ever tried running, and then accidentally swallowed your gum and got it stuck half-way down, you know it brings you to a dead stop. There I stood, three feet from the end, trying to cough up a gum hairball.

Unbeknown to Russ, my original idea was to put on a burst of speed and beat him across the finish line. At that moment, my plan instantly changed to remaining conscious and not being carried away by an ambulance in front of six million people.

I swallowed hard, and in those few seconds it took to get the gum down, Russ crossed the finish line in front of me.

I should be disappointed, but I’m not. With all the help Russ gave while I’ve been training, I suppose he deserved to come in ahead of me. And there’s always the next 5K … when I plan to offer Russ a stick of gum just before the finish, and then run like heck to beat him.



(Although I may have taken a small amount of literary license in this, the Run Through the Lavender 5K was well-organized and the lavender fields were beautiful. Also, the race organizers were very kind to say they’d send the right size shirts if people would leave their addresses. I’d recommend the race to anyone … just don’t chew gum while you’re running it.)


What's playing in my head: Chariots of Fire, the really tired version.

My Olympic-Worthy Training ... by Cindy Beck

© 2009 Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, run, jog, Run Through the Lavender 5K, Olympics, sports training, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)



The Olympics. They’ve always been a goal of mine. Well, at least to watch them on TV.

The other day, while doing extensive research into the voice and technique of other writers … all right I’ll admit it, I was reading blogs … I came across a mention of the Run Through the Lavender 5K.

Wait, let me think. Did that happen while reading blogs? No, I think it took place while researching how to make Twinkies.

At any rate, I found this website and suddenly a mysterious longing to enter the 5K overcame me. I figure some kind of bad mojo grabbed me, because my mind would never come up with a harebrained idea like that. Seriously, if I were meant to run, I’d have four long legs and a pedometer growing out of my head.

But … I digress. When I saw the website, I had visions of myself in spandex, running through the lavender fields of Mona, Utah, inhaling the spicy fragrance that wafted off the fields. That lasted all of thirty seconds, and was followed by the mental image of me trying to squeeze into those running clothes in the first place. The words "myself" and "spandex" do not belong in the same sentence, much less in the same vision.

Nevertheless, I felt determined to run … okay, jog … okay, mostly walk … that 5K. For the past two weeks, I’ve been in training. No fattening foods allowed. Except maybe for chocolate cake. And a cookie or two. And anything else I can get away with when my husband, Russ, isn’t looking.

In the evenings, Russ and I train by running up a humongous hill. It’s exhausting, but I have to say that carrying me on his shoulders has done wonders for Russ’s stamina. Mine, too, because balancing on top of an old, bald guy requires strength and endurance. And usually an extra donut or so.

The 5K takes place on July 11, 2009 at 7:00 in the morning. I’m really hoping you’ll all show your support by not coming, and that my family will be busy that day, so no one will be there to watch me stagger and trip over the finish line.

After that, I plan to go home and watch my video-taped version of the 1922 Olympics—a time in which men were men and spandex wasn’t invented.

What's playing in my head: Chariots of Fire by Vangelis

Are Women Born This Way?

Posted by Cindy Beck

(Keywords: Cindy Beck, women, little girl talking, toddler on YouTube, talk too much, humorous writing, LDS humor, humor blog, funny, laugh)

This video is so cute that I'm double posting it this morning ... here and at the LDS Humor site that I co-author with Nichole Giles. I hope it won't be a repeat for any of you, but if it is, it's so cute you'll probably want to watch it twice. It doesn't really give us a clue to the inner workings of a woman's mind, but you do have to laugh at the little girl. Take a minute to watch the expressions on her face.

And in all fairness to the guys, since I posted a blog of manly bloopers at the beginning of June, it's only right to take a pot shot at the gals ... by wondering if women are born this way.

(By the way, a bit of info for my friends and readers at BYU and who were unable to view YouTube videos--I just saw on the news that BYU is no longer blocking YouTube, so you get to share in the fun!)





What's playing in my head: You Talk too Much. Original release by Joe Jones, YouTube version by The Shades.