*C.L. Beck, author*: December 2012

How to Compliment Women?

You Don't Look Fat ... but Maybe a Little Hippy
By C.L. Beck

Men. They give the most "interesting" compliments. Things like, "Gee, it's great that you don't have nose hair."

Or, let's say you ask, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Mr. Tactful will say, "No it doesn't make you look fat. Maybe just a little hippy. And the color is weird (even though he's colorblind), but you look as beautiful as the minute I first laid eyes on you."

Just so there's no misunderstanding, let me give another example. On Christmas Day, Russ and I were going to a friend's house for dinner. Our contribution to the meal was stuffing (no, not the kind that goes into pillows ... the kind made with bread cubes) and I'd struggled to get it ready on time.

At my house, we normally do stuffing for three ... which is really stuffing for two people and a fat dog. Hence, the dilemma in figuring out how to cook stuffing for twenty.

But, I managed it. We were only five minutes late as we drove down the road, the dish warming my lap, steam rising from it, and a homey fragrance wafting around me.

Russ gave me a look of adoration and said, "This is just like when we were dating."

I pondered that. Did he mean the joy of being together for the holidays? The glint of happiness that made my eyes sparkle? The way my hair had worked into soft waves?

It's impossible to read men's minds. Well, at least Russ's. I gave up guessing and said, "How is it just like when we were dating?"

"You smell really good and we're fogging up the windows." He wriggled his eyebrows and laughed.

I categorically deny fogging any car windows in my youth. And I couldn't decide what to think about him saying I smelled really good -- as I sat with a dish of stuffing in my lap.

But, I wished he'd made the comparison forty years earlier.

Because if I had known it was that easy to get compliments, I would have foregone the $50 bottle of Shalimar perfume back then, and worn 50¢ poultry seasoning behind my ears instead.
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(Author's note: If you enjoyed this mostly true story -- with a little bit of exaggeration thrown in -- then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on the fun.

"How to Compliment Women?" © C.L. Beck
Hippo image © Clipart from Clipartheaven.com.
Tags: compliment women, stuffing, Shalimar, perfume, poultry seasoning

Merry Christmas to All

By C.L. Beck

Wishing all of you a wonderful Christmas and a 2013 that exceeds your expectations! May those who've suffered a loss at this time of year feel comfort and know that so many of us care.

I recently saw the video below about the song, "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" and loved it. Hope you enjoy the video's message as much as I did.

Merry Christmas, my friends.

Tags: Longfellow, Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Christmas

Do Medigap Plans Cover Hearing Loss?

By C.L. Beck

"How long until you retire?" I asked my hubby, Russ, the other morning.

"What? The car needs new tires?" He scratched his head. It's an easy feat since there's nothing on top and not much on the sides. I often wonder how much we're saving in shampoo in Russ's current, aging state.

Face it, the man is not only bald but needed to turn up his earring aid. And as soon as I can convince him to wear one, I'm turning it up for him.

"No, Russ. The car doesn't need new tires. I said, 'How long until you retire?'"

A small look of panic crossed Russ's face. "The toast is on fire?"

He rushed to the toaster and tried to pop it up. "I don't see any fire and the toast must be stuck!" He banged the side of it, dislodging crumbs all over the floor, which Corky Porky Pie promptly licked up.

I sighed and mumbled, "The man is deaf in one ear and can't hear out of the other. I wonder -- do medigap plans cover hearing loss?"

"What's that you say? You really need to speak up -- no one can ever hear you." He jiggled the toaster more and then stuck a fork in it. "I sure don't see any toast in here."

Thinking fast, I unplugged the toaster and grabbed the fork from him. "That's because THERE IS NO TOAST IN THERE!" By now I felt certain the neighbors three blocks over had heard the news that there was no toast in our toaster.

An incredulous look crossed Russ's face."You say there's a roast in there? Cin, I think your mind must be going. No one cooks a roast in the toaster. It looks like next year when I retire, we'll need to check out medigap plans for you that cover Alzheimers."

My mouth dropped open and my eyes blinked rapidly.

It's a good thing I had already tossed that piece of silverware in the sink -- otherwise we'd be looking for insurance that also covered stabbing by fork.

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(Disclosure: This article is sponsored by your friends at MedicareSupplementalInsurance.com. For more disclosure information, please read the disclosure page.)

A Small Plug: If you enjoyed this semi-true, mostly funny story, then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on future funny events.

"Do Medigap Plans Cover Hearing Loss?" © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck
Tags: medigap plans, aging, MedicareSupplementalInsurance.com

RideUTA FrontRunner

By C.L. Beck

Not long ago, we had the opportunity to catch the RideUTA FrontRunner train on its maiden voyage from Provo to Salt Lake City, UT.

Wait ... isn't it boats that go on a maiden voyage? If so, what do trains go on? Oh, I know, a train-ing run!

At any rate, it was a fun ride. Smooth, and not at all herky-jerky like my first train ride of yesteryear in New York City.

Oh, all right. Picky, picky. That train ride in NYC was more like yester-century. There was probably a steam engine on that one.

But, back to the RideUTA FrontRunner. Here's an interesting fact: the train can only go up to 79 mph. We were told it has a device -- a governator -- to prevent it from going any faster.

I'm not quite sure what a governator does, except maybe retire from California politics and drive a train. And yet, I never actually saw Arnold Swarzeneggar sitting there, running the locomotive.

So, maybe I'll just say it had a thinga-ma-jiggy that prevented it from going faster than a speeding bullet.

All of which brings me down to this. The other day I was thinking about the experience and a joke came to mind:

A slightly tipsy hobo and his teetotaling friend are sitting at the station in Salt Lake City, hoping to hitch a ride unnoticed. The first one staggers, catches his balance, and says, "The world is changing, old buddy. Did you notice that none of these trains have a caboose?"

The second one says, "Yup, you're right. No cabooses. Probably because we're at the bus station."

How about you? Have you ever ridden on a train? And was it as sleek and sassy as the RideUTA FrontRunner?

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A Small Plug: If you enjoyed this semi-witty humor article, then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on future fun.

"RideUTA FrontRunner" © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck
Tags: RideUTA, FrontRunner, trains

Day of Remembrance for Sandy Hook Elementary

If you would like to donate to the Sandy Hook Elementary School Support Fund that will provide support services to the families and community that has been affected, please click the United Way link below and you'll be directed to the donations page.

https://newtown.uwwesternct.org/

(Thanks to Nike Litchfield Peterson for use of the above image.)

Tags: Sandy Hook Elementary

The Tabernacle Choir

Or ... I Can't Sing, Are You Listening?
By C.L. Beck

Our Community Choir Christmas Concert takes place soon. Did I mention I'm in the choir? (Yeah, I know. That's an amazing announcement from someone who can't sing.)

I never felt nervous in high school choir performances. And this time, I'm not nervous either. Petrified is a better word.

Most of the people in the choir have musical training. Our director has a graduate degree. No, not like Dustin Hoffman in "The Graduate." More like a graduate degree in music from a major university. Plus, he toured with an internationally famous singing group.

Still, I don't let it get to me. After all, just because some people have performed in the Tabernacle Choir, that doesn't mean anything, right?

And then there's me. Hardly no musical training. Average voice. I sit there muttering, "Every good boy does fine" to figure out the notes and by the time I figure out the first two, the choir director's on to the next page.

He keeps saying consoling words to us. It could be my natural paranoia, but it seems like he's directing them at me ... "I hear some mistakes (looks pointedly at me), but it's okay. There are a few people missing now, who will be here for the performance, and it'll make a big difference when they come."

I'm thinking he's found some way to get Pavarotti and Caruso into the choir.

But ... since they're both dead, maybe we don't really want them showing up? At least, I don't.

And then there's my propensity to end a song too soon. Or to come in when the men are supposed to sing and the women are supposed to be quiet.

But worst of all, there are the times when the director indicates we should all stand and my skirt gets caught on the folding seat. I try to stand up, and fall forward instead. There I lean, hanging on by my skirt, narrowly avoiding a face plant, my nose a mere two inches from the floor.

If you believe in the power of pray, please pray that on the night of the performance my voice won't crack and my skirt won't catch. If you don't believe in the power of prayer, pray I'll catch the stomach flu and have to stay home.

Still, I'm an optimist. Looking on the bright side -- if all my fears come true, there is one consolation. It'll give me fodder for next month's newspaper column.

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(Author's note: If you enjoyed this mostly true story -- with a little bit of exaggeration thrown in -- then sign up for my newsletter in the sidebar on the right. That way you won't miss out on the fun.

The Tabernacle Choir © C.L. (Cindy Lynn) Beck, Image © spider ara
Tags: Tabernacle Choir, music, community choir