Maybe it's because I studied medical terminology in college—back before I realized that I didn't really like needles and being in a hospital gave me the whim-whams—that these definitions seem so funny. Or, possibly it's because they are funny that they seem so ... well ... rib-tickling! Regardless of the reasons for my own enjoyment, I know you'll get a kick out of them.
MEDICAL DEFINITIONS
ANTIBODY - against everyone
BENIGN - what you be after you be eight
BOWEL - letters like a, e, i, o, u
CESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome
CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty
CHRONIC - neck of a crow
COMA - punctuation mark
CORTISONE - area around local courthouse
CYST - short for sister
DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose
DILATE - the late British princess
DISLOCATION - in this place
DUODENUM - couple in jeans
ENEMA - not a friend
FALSE LABOR - pretending to work
GALL BLADDER - bladder in a girl
GENES - blue denim
HERNIA - she is close by
IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known
LABOR PAIN - hurt at work
LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot
LYMPH - walk unsteadily
MICROBES - small dressing gowns
OBESITY - city of Obe
PROTEIN - in favor of teens
PULSE - grain
PUS - small cat
RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula
SECRETION - hiding anything
SERUM - sailors' drink
SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough
TABLET - small table
TUMOR - extra pair
ULTRASOUND - radical noise
From GCFL.net
----
If you get a sec, drop off a comment and tell me which one you enjoyed the most. My favorite was the definition for "benign." I'm still chuckling over it.
Red Light-Green Light ... by C.L. Beck
I'll bet a number of you remember playing the game, Red Light-Green Light, as kids. It's the game where you only move forward when the person who's "it" turns his back on you. I'm guessing most of you won more often than I did, too!
I've seen it played with cub scouts and other youngsters, but this is the first time I've ever seen it played with a cat. Hope you enjoy this ... it had me shaking my head and laughing.
And now that you've watched the video, drop off a comment and tell me your favorite childhood game. Mine was Hide and Seek.
I've seen it played with cub scouts and other youngsters, but this is the first time I've ever seen it played with a cat. Hope you enjoy this ... it had me shaking my head and laughing.
And now that you've watched the video, drop off a comment and tell me your favorite childhood game. Mine was Hide and Seek.
Words of Wisdom from Miss Knows-Nothing ... by C.L. Beck
Image by the Coca Cola Company, Wikimedia Commons
C.L. Beck: Although it is not my normal inclination to enter arenas of sensitive, public opinion, today I have a guest who has no problems speaking her mind on any subject and
Our first question for the esteemed Senator comes from a professor of horticulture who teaches at Brigham Young University—otherwise known by single LDS adults as B.Y.Woo–who asks:
Illustrious BYU Prof: Autumn is on its way and I’d like for my tomatoes to ripen faster. What can I do?
Miss Knows-Nothing: Go out to the garden and stare at them. This will embarrass the tomatoes and they’ll turn red.
Illustrious BYU Prof: But what should I do if I see a bug on one of them?
Miss Knows-Nothing: According to my extensive knowledge gained from watching James Bond, you shouldn’t talk. Then the bug won’t pick up your voice.
C.L. Beck: Thank you for those great questions, sir. Now, let’s try someone new. How about that lady waving her hand in the back?
Waving Lady: So pleased to meet you, Miss Knows-Nothing. I’m a harried housewife—
Miss Knows-Nothing: You’re a hairy housewife? Oh, you poor dear. Try electrolysis.
Waving Hairy Lady: No, no, not hairy. Harried. I’m a harried housewife and am considering buying a robot vacuum cleaner to help with the cleaning. Do you think this is a good idea?
Miss Knows-Nothing: In theory, a robot vacuum cleaner vacuums the floors. In actuality, they head for the nearest couch and jam themselves under it. This happens approximately every thirty seconds, thereby dispelling the notion that robot vacuum cleaners actually give you time to do something other than unstick stuck vacuum cleaners. I have one named Myrtle, so I should know.
Waving Hairy Lady: Besides cleaning the house, I have another problem. I feel like a failure as a mother because every time I give my toddler a vitamin he spits it out, hitting his brother in the head with it. What should I do?
Miss Knows-Nothing: Tell the brother to stand else elsewhere.
C.L. Beck: Yes. Okay then. Enough questions from the
El Dictator: Not long ago, I got a piece of bread wedged in the toaster and when I stuck a fork in to retrieve it, I was almost electrocuted. What can I do about that?
Miss Knows-Nothing: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Maybe a wet fork would do it.
Oh, you mean about the bread? Don’t worry about that. Burning toast is a great way to test the kitchen smoke detector.
All of which reminds me of a related thought I had today. If you take your dog for a walk on a mountain trail, you’re expected to clean up his doggy-doody.
If you take your horse for a walk on that same trail, you are not expected to clean up his horse-hockey. Go figure.
C.L. Beck: Umm … very profound. Next question, please. The little man in the uniform, on the front row.
Little Uniformed Dude: Speaking of doggy-doody, I’m the caretaker for the city cemetery and we leave the gates open for the public during the day, but loose dogs run through. What action should the city council take to correct this problem?
Miss Knows-Nothing: They could follow the example of my esteemed colleagues in Congress and present a bill, then discuss it, then filibuster it, then table it until after the holidays. Or you could just close the gates and the public can open them when they want to enter the grounds. When my hubby and I were at the cemetery the other day, we noticed a “No Dogs Allowed” sign. Apparently our city council thinks the loose dogs can read.
C.L. Beck: Well, ladies and gentlemen, I hate to bring this exciting bloginar to an end but I’m afraid that’s all the time there is for today. If any of you have a question for Miss Knows-Nothing, you can mail it to her at:
Miss Knows-Nothing
C/O Congress That Does Nothing
Washington, D.C. 20510
As an alternative, you may speak your question directly into your computer screen, which is being monitored for political correctness by the CIA, FBI, and the USDA.
Or better yet, leave a comment below.
[Disclaimer: The opinions expressed by Miss Knows-Nothing are entirely her own and do not represent the opinions of any organization, person, place, animal, vegetable, or mineral.]
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
Penguin and Killer Whales
Penguins are funny little animals—birds with wings and yet they can't fly, which puts them at a distinct disadvantage when being chased by killer whales. And if having wings and not being able to fly isn't unique enough, wait until you see what the one in this video does. By the time you finish watching it, you'll be shaking your head in amazement at the way he outsmarts a group of killer whales. Enjoy!
If you get a minute, drop off a comment and let me know what you think of this penguin's ingenuity.
AND NOW ... for the winner of the $25 Sam's Club gift card: (Small trumpets herald in the distance) NATALIE A! Congratulations to Natalie, and a thank you to all who entered the contest during the past two weeks.
If you get a minute, drop off a comment and let me know what you think of this penguin's ingenuity.
AND NOW ... for the winner of the $25 Sam's Club gift card: (Small trumpets herald in the distance) NATALIE A! Congratulations to Natalie, and a thank you to all who entered the contest during the past two weeks.
At the Car Wash, Part 2 ... by C.L. Beck
Photo © Michiel 1972, Wikimedia Commons
As you remember from a few weeks ago, (click here for Part 1 of the story) my hubby and I had a disastrous trip to the car wash. We’d tried using the car wash vacuum cleaner, which failed to suck up the dirt in our SUV and instead spit out trash from the vacuum’s other end. And then I thought I noticed some movement at the optometrist’s window next door ….
[Flashback: We stood in the hot sun, staring at the machine for five minutes more, debating whether it really sucked or not, and then I noticed a slight movement at Dr. Brian’s window. I peered through my sunglasses—which unfortunately do not fit over the new glasses Dr. Brian sold me—and wondered if we were being watched. But since my new glasses were not sitting on my nose and instead were hooked into the top button of my blouse so I wouldn’t lose them, everything looked blurry. I chalked up the feeling to paranoia.
Still … just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean someone isn’t watching you.]
I gave up trying to figure it out, climbed back into the car, and we drove to the car wash tunnel’s entrance. After three failed attempts on a Visa card—one with enough credit to buy a car dealership—we put in cash and the tunnel gave the green light. We moved forward, hitting the little thingy at the end that's designed to stop a person from driving through the car wash and into the wall on the other side. Not that I would know from experience about driving into cement walls.
With a whir and a clang, the machine started chunk-a-chunking its way toward its first cleaning location, our rear bumper. Suddenly, the car started rocking like a boat in a poorly directed, B movie.
“Earthquake!” I yelled, wondering how you flee a car wash when it's falling on your head.
Clunk! The machine stopped. Mysteriously enough, so did the rocking. I looked through the back window to see colorful strips of whirly-washer cloth still clinging to the rear glass, and the machine now seemed a little too intimate with the SUV’s rear bumper.
Panic set in. The whirly-washer had us by the bumper in back and the metal thingy held us in its grasp in front. How were we going to get out?
Before I had a chance to hyperventilate, Russ said, “The car wash seems broken.”
Duh. Do ya think? Those weren’t the most helpful words he’d ever spoken, and I decided I was glad we’d never taken a trip on the Titanic. He’d have been the kind to say, “Oh look, an iceberg. Is it possible we’ll hit it?”
Russ paused, and rather than wait for more words of wisdom to come pouring forth from his lips, I searched under the seat, hoping to find a paper bag to breathe into. Instead I found a stale chocolate chip cookie and a rubber band. Starvation seemed a real possibility so I ate the cookie for sustenance, and then put the rubber band around my head and snapped it a few times.
Russ started laughing. “What are you doing? You have red marks all over your forehead.”
“It's a distraction technique. I'm doing it so I won’t hyperventilate, because in case you haven't noticed ...." I paused for emphasis. "We’re trapped in a car wash!”
At that moment, a sign on the wall caught my attention: If car wash breaks down, push this button to release your vehicle’s tires.
I couldn’t believe it—an escape button! I jumped out of the car; water drizzled onto me but I managed to make it over to the button without slipping on the wet concrete and breaking my cumber-bum.
Once … twice … three times I jabbed at the button, but nothing happened. As I was about to scream for help, I noticed another button, just below it. “Don’t worry,” I yelled to Russ, as soapsuds from the machine plopped onto my head. “I was pushing the wrong button. This one will do it!”
Knowing our dilemma was solved, I hit the second button. A hydraulic burst of air—strong enough to blow the hair off my head—blasted through the tunnel, along with a loud whoosh, as the Plexiglas door at the end slid down, closing the exit.
Russ rolled down his window and looked at me. “I’m glad you and I were never on the Titanic together.” He opened the passenger’s side for me. “The whirly-washer moved out of the way when the door came down. Climb in and I’ll back the car out.”
As we did, I looked over toward Dr. Brian’s office, and there on the concrete retaining wall—not more than 5 feet away—stood Dr. Brian and his assistant, Mr. Kevin. I ripped the rubber band off, hoping they hadn't noticed.
“Hi there,” I said, doing my best to look nonchalant despite the fact that I had red streaks all over my forehead, and we were backing the car out of the car wash.
“Do you need any help?” Dr. Brian offered. Then he looked over at Mr. Kevin, and I swear I saw a trace of a grin as he continued, “We’ve been sitting in the office watching you, and now we’re wondering why your car is wet, but still dirty, and why you’re backing it out.”
I didn’t know quite how to explain, so finally said, “The vacuum cleaner didn’t suck, then the car wash tried to eat our SUV, then I pushed the wrong button and it closed the door, then—”
Dr. Brian said, “You know what? Never mind; don’t try to explain.”
And as they walked away, I'm pretty certain I heard Dr. Brian whisper to Mr. Kevin, “Remind me never to go on a cruise with them. I’m afraid it would end up like the Titanic.”
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
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Sam's Club Back to School Event and Giveaway ... by Cindy Beck
The air is cooling, the hay's been cut, the grain has been threshed, and it's time for the kiddos to get back to reading, writin' and 'rithmetic. In honor of the occasion, Sam's Club, General Mills, and MyBlogSpark are holding a back-to-school event.
And I'm holding a fun giveaway!
The Giveaway (August 23-Sep 3, 2010): A $25 Sam's Club Gift Card. Ooo-ha, you can't lose with that!
Sam's Club, General Mills and MyBlogSpark's Thoughts: As your family starts to think about the new school year, you may be wondering how you can collect the most Box Tops to help support participating schools in your area.
For an easy solution, head over to your local Sam´s Club from Aug. 11 through Aug. 31 and earn more cash for your school. At the Sam´s Club Back-to-School Event, you can get a head start on your collection and find 6 Box Tops on participating General Mills products. With your favorite Box Tops for Education brands at a great value, Sam´s Club is your one-stop destination for all the back-to-school supplies you need to send your kids off to school with confidence!
In addition, Sam´s Club is giving you the opportunity to earn even more Box Tops when you upgrade to a "Plus Membership." From Aug. 6 - Aug. 13, or while supplies last, visit the Member Services Desk of your local Sam´s Club and upon payment for your Plus Membership, you will receive a certificate for 150 Bonus Box Tops! For more information on how you can take advantage of the Back-to-School Event at Sam´s Club, visit www.samsclub.com today!
[Note from Cindy: I was at Sam's Club on Aug 16 and they still had the 150 Bonus Box Tops Gift Certificates available, so it's worth looking into when you're there.]
My Opinion: This is a great opportunity to earn money for your favorite school. Sam's Club has a multitude of products from General Mills that carry box top points. I bought a two-pack of Romano's Macaroni Grill Fettuccine Alfredo for a great price and got 6 box tops on each package. If you enjoy New England clam chowder, Progresso offered 14 box tops. And if you're looking for fruit snacks to send in school lunches, Scooby Doo Fruit Snacks offered 6 box tops.
HOW TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this article before midnight, MDT, Sep 3, 2010. Subscribe to my newsletter (on the right sidebar) and tell me you did it, OR mention that you're a newsletter follower to receive an extra entry. If you're not a regular follower, be sure to leave your email address so you can be contacted should you win.
Can't think of anything to say in a comment? Tell me which General Mills products you enjoy the most, or to which school you plan to donate box tops.
(Thanks for entering! This $25 gift card giveaway sponsored by Sam's Club, General Mills, and MyBlogSparkTM . All information, plus the compensation I received in the form of a Sam's Club Plus Membership and a $25 gift card, came from Sam's Club/General Mills through MyBlogSpark. However, my opinions of the event, of the companies involved, and the quality of the products mentioned are my own. If for some reason there is no winner, or I can not get in contact with the winner, I will redraw or give the prize to charity, at MyBlogSpark's and my discretion.)
And I'm holding a fun giveaway!
The Giveaway (August 23-Sep 3, 2010): A $25 Sam's Club Gift Card. Ooo-ha, you can't lose with that!
Sam's Club, General Mills and MyBlogSpark's Thoughts: As your family starts to think about the new school year, you may be wondering how you can collect the most Box Tops to help support participating schools in your area.
For an easy solution, head over to your local Sam´s Club from Aug. 11 through Aug. 31 and earn more cash for your school. At the Sam´s Club Back-to-School Event, you can get a head start on your collection and find 6 Box Tops on participating General Mills products. With your favorite Box Tops for Education brands at a great value, Sam´s Club is your one-stop destination for all the back-to-school supplies you need to send your kids off to school with confidence!
In addition, Sam´s Club is giving you the opportunity to earn even more Box Tops when you upgrade to a "Plus Membership." From Aug. 6 - Aug. 13, or while supplies last, visit the Member Services Desk of your local Sam´s Club and upon payment for your Plus Membership, you will receive a certificate for 150 Bonus Box Tops! For more information on how you can take advantage of the Back-to-School Event at Sam´s Club, visit www.samsclub.com today!
[Note from Cindy: I was at Sam's Club on Aug 16 and they still had the 150 Bonus Box Tops Gift Certificates available, so it's worth looking into when you're there.]
My Opinion: This is a great opportunity to earn money for your favorite school. Sam's Club has a multitude of products from General Mills that carry box top points. I bought a two-pack of Romano's Macaroni Grill Fettuccine Alfredo for a great price and got 6 box tops on each package. If you enjoy New England clam chowder, Progresso offered 14 box tops. And if you're looking for fruit snacks to send in school lunches, Scooby Doo Fruit Snacks offered 6 box tops.
HOW TO ENTER: Leave a comment on this article before midnight, MDT, Sep 3, 2010. Subscribe to my newsletter (on the right sidebar) and tell me you did it, OR mention that you're a newsletter follower to receive an extra entry. If you're not a regular follower, be sure to leave your email address so you can be contacted should you win.
Can't think of anything to say in a comment? Tell me which General Mills products you enjoy the most, or to which school you plan to donate box tops.
(Thanks for entering! This $25 gift card giveaway sponsored by Sam's Club, General Mills, and MyBlogSparkTM . All information, plus the compensation I received in the form of a Sam's Club Plus Membership and a $25 gift card, came from Sam's Club/General Mills through MyBlogSpark. However, my opinions of the event, of the companies involved, and the quality of the products mentioned are my own. If for some reason there is no winner, or I can not get in contact with the winner, I will redraw or give the prize to charity, at MyBlogSpark's and my discretion.)
At the Car Wash ... by C.L. Beck
"Car Wash" © Hu Totya, Wikimedia Commons
Today we're discussing the vastly important topic of dwindling planetary food supplies and the need to have a year's food storage in order to survive the upcoming famine. But first, let's talk about something of even greater impact ... washing cars!
Most days my SUV looks like it was born in a mud hole and raised by the three little pigs. However, a week ago I decided to bite the bullet and take on the onerous task of washing the Nighthawk.
No, I wasn't planning on hosing down those little birds that fly overhead in the evening. "Nighthawk" is the nickname for our black SUV. Black being a relative term, since the car was so covered in dust it looked more like a large lump of burned out charcoal.
At any rate, I pondered the logistics of the event. Get out a bucket of soapy water; drag out the hose; battle Corky Porky Pie, the dog, who thinks a jet of water is a demon; chase off the resident bees by spraying a stream of water at them; take Corky Porky to the vet to have the hose disentangled from his teeth; take myself to the emergency room for multiple bee stings ... or ... (tiny trumpets herald in the distance) ....
Ta-da! Take the car to the car wash!
Now I know that one does not have to be a Harvard graduate nor a genius the caliber of Nancy Pelosi to drive a car through the car wash. However, I've always found it's better to have a second person in attendance in case the car bucks and throws its transmission out of whack on that metal thingy. You know—the one that's designed to stop a person from driving totally through the car wash and into the wall on the other side. Not that I would know from experience about driving into a cement wall.
For that reason, I invited along my husband, Russ, who is neither a Harvard graduate nor resembles Nancy Pelosi. Well, except maybe for that wild-eyed, "I'm almost ready for the state mental institution" look that they both have in common. But ... that's a topic for another time.
We drove to the car wash. It’s conveniently located just outside my optometrist's office, should one ever need a car wash and an eye exam at the same time. After nearly sideswiping the metal vacuum cleaners—yes, those ones that resemble something from the old TV show, Lost in Space—Russ stopped the SUV. I thought about asking him if he wanted to step over for a visit with Dr. Brian but when I opened my mouth to speak, Russ gave me that wild-eyed Nancy Pelosi look.
I reconsidered.
Russ stepped out of the Nighthawk and plunked 75¢ into the vacuum canister to start it. I opened the door, clapped my hands on my ears, and over a roar rivaling that of a C-130 military transport yelled, "How much time do you get for 75¢?"
“At least five or ten …”
The rest of Russ’s words were drowned out as the vacuum cleaner’s pitch and volume rose. Dust swirled around us and the machine started blowing bits of bubble gum and cigarette butts out its other end. I ran over to see if I could help—just in time for the vacuum cleaner to end its cycle.
“That’s it?” I looked at Russ in disbelief. “We got thirty seconds for 75¢? That sucks!”
“You don’t need to yell anymore,” Russ said, holding his head as if I’d broken his eardrums. “And, no, it didn’t really suck. All it did was spit out someone else’s previously vacuumed dirt.”
We stood in the hot sun, staring at the machine for five minutes more, debating whether it really sucked or not, and then I noticed a slight movement at Dr. Brian’s window. I peered through my sunglasses—which unfortunately did not fit over the new glasses Dr. Brian sold me—and considered whether we were being watched. But since my new glasses were hooked into the top button of my shirt so I wouldn’t lose them, rather than sitting on my nose so I could see, everything looked blurry.
Calling over my shoulder to Russ, I said, "Do you think Dr. Brian can see us over here?"
"Naw. And even if he could, why would he want to spend time watching people at the car wash? You're just being paranoid."
I stared at the blurry windows and wondered—just because a person is paranoid, does it mean that someone isn't watching? I wasn't so sure ....
[Stay tuned for the rest of the story in two weeks. In the meantime, drop off a comment and tell me if you’ve ever encountered a vacuum that sucked—or didn’t as the case may be—and whether or not you’ve had that prickly-feeling-on-the-back-of-the-neck that tells you someone is watching.]
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
Old Rock Star Songs
Received in an email from Sharon Robinson
Being a child of the 60s and 70s, I always love rock and roll parodies. The other day my sister-in-law sent me this video and it gave me a good laugh. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
(If you enjoyed the video, drop off a comment and tell me which of Tim Hawkins' selections you liked the most. My favorite is the Neil Diamond parody.)
Being a child of the 60s and 70s, I always love rock and roll parodies. The other day my sister-in-law sent me this video and it gave me a good laugh. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
(If you enjoyed the video, drop off a comment and tell me which of Tim Hawkins' selections you liked the most. My favorite is the Neil Diamond parody.)
Over the River and Through the Woods ... by C.L. Beck
Muir Woods © National Park Service, Wikimedia Commons
A few weeks ago, when the weather was hot enough to make the hens lay hard-boiled eggs, we talked about taking a drive up the canyon to enjoy some cool air and take pictures. By "we" I mean my husband, Russ, whose idea of fun is sitting in an air-conditioned TV room and eating huge mounds of ice cream, and my dog, Corky Porky, whose version of recreation is slurping ice cream out of the bowl when Russ is done.
Yes, I know it's disgusting, but I've told Russ that mounds of ice cream aren’t good for his cholesterol.
I stood in front of Russ, blocking the television with my body. Not that my backside is the size of a 42-inch TV screen, but it does obstruct some of it. I made eye contact with him, hoping to impress Russ with the vastly important message I was about to deliver. "I'd like to take my stuffed bear, Swayze, up the mountains and take some pictures of him in the woods. I could use the photos on greeting cards. Would you like to come along?"
Well, okay, maybe what I really said was, “You are definitely coming along with me up the canyon so that I don’t get eaten by a four-legged creature or attacked by muggers!”
Russ stared at me, wordless. I wasn't sure if that meant he had too much ice cream in his mouth to talk, or if he’d heard me wrong and was envisioning battling a four-legged mugger. Finally he said, "Umm, it's really hot out and I don't think it's going to be much cooler up the canyon.”
Corky Porky tilted his head at the word “cooler” and broke into a barking frenzy, which I interpreted as a show of solid support for my proposed jaunt. Really, I’m sure there was no way he barked because he knew “cooler” was where the food goes.
After much gentle persuasion on my part toward Russ—something akin to day trading at the stock exchange, where I gave up having Russ do dishes for a week in trade for his companionship—we packed up the dog, the stuffed bear (that would be Swayze, not Russ) and headed up the canyon.
No more than fifteen minutes later, and a mile or two up the road, I noticed a pattern of large splotches on the asphalt. Unfortunately, so did Russ. “Uh-oh,” he said. “It looks like cows are being herded up the canyon.”
Cows! That meant cow manure at every step. That also meant my fearless bodyguard would want to return home.
And so would Russ.
“That’s probably not from cattle,” I said, hedging. After all, we hadn't actually seen any cows on the road. “Somebody probably dropped a watermelon or two.”
Russ looked at me and raised his eyebrows. “Watermelon is red, and does not in any way resemble hay after it's been through the cow.”
“Well, watermelon has a green rind and when squished by a tire looks like cow pies!”
“Humph,” Russ said. Thank goodness the sharp curves in the road, and the piles of cow pies … er ... I mean, watermelons, kept his attention for the next several miles.
We finally arrived at a nice little meadow, stopped the car, and climbed out. Regardless of the fact that it wasn’t much cooler than it’d been in the valley, I set the teddy bear on a stump and started shooting photos.
“Dang!” Russ said. “There are flies here. They’re eating Corky and me up!” The sound of Russ slapping at the little buggars echoed off the canyon walls and almost distracted me from taking photos.
I fired off a few more shots.
“The flies can’t be that bad,” I said, repositioning Swayze, and hoping that my perspiration dripping onto the camera wouldn’t hamper its ability to get a clear focus.
“Oh yeah? Take a look!”
I turned and saw flies—ones with the accuracy of F-22 Stealth Raptors—attacking Russ and Corky Porky Pie. Russ waved his hands in the air, trying to fend them off, while Corky snapped at them with his teeth.
And then I realized they were also after me. I grabbed Swayze and tore off for the car, nearly running into a tree while trying to wipe sweat out of one eye and watching for cow patties with the other. Russ and Corky Porky Pie followed close behind. By the time we got inside the SUV, we were breathing heavy and perspiring like pigs at a luau.
“So much for it being cooler up here,” Russ said, causing Corky Porky to erupt in another barking frenzy. Only this time inside the car and inches from our ears.
You’ll be happy to know we made it home again with one ear apiece that could still hear, and only fifty-eleven fly bites. I learned my lesson, though. Never, ever again will I try convincing Russ that cow patties are actually smashed watermelons on the canyon road.
No sir-ee. Next time I’m telling him those are key lime pies … and I’m taking along bug spray to protect me from the muggers-disguised-as-flies.
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
The Allegory of the Chicken and the Pilates Class ... by C.L. Beck
Photo © Mindaugas Urbonas, Wikimedia Commons
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a bird who thought she was in pretty good shape, especially considering the fact that she was no longer a spring chick. Or even a mature hen. Being half a century old, she was more like a tough ol’ bird. (Wow. Half a century. Seriously … putting it that way makes
At any rate, one day while walking with her friend, Irma—who was still pretty much a cute, young chick—they talked about taking a Pilates class.
Irma’s blue eyes reflected anxiety. “I’m not so sure about doing that. It sounds like you’d have to be really fit to try it. Plus, I don’t think I have the chicken feed to pay for it.”
But, the Ol’ Bird didn’t notice Irma’s apprehension because she was too busy preening her feathers and admiring the shape of her own drumsticks. They looked pretty dang good, for being a half-century old. Then the Ol’ Bird stooped to tie a shoelace that straggled from her shoe, and ….
What? Yes, I know chickens don’t wear shoes, but this story is what my skilled writing compatriots call an
Back to the story … the Ol’ Bird stooped to tie a shoelace that straggled from her shoe, and in a muffled voice—which she felt certain came from having such a plump chicken chest, but actually resulted from her not-so-firm stomach pushing against her diaphragm until she couldn’t breathe—said, “It’s a cinch. You lie on the floor on a soft mat, listen to music played on a sitar, and stretch a little. You can do that, Irma! And the first class is free, so you don’t have to worry about not having enough chicken feed.”
As the Ol’ Bird stood back up, she felt a slight twinge in her hamstring. Which probably, technically, should be called a chickenstring. Rubbing the back side of her
It should have been a warning to the Ol’ Bird.
After a few minutes of gentle massage, the hitch eased and they resumed walking. Despite apparent reservations, Irma agreed to try the class and so the following day, off we went to Pilates. Umm, I mean they went to Pilates.
The trouble is, neither of them had a mat. And neither of them liked sitar music. Luckily, it wasn’t played in the class, anyway. If memory serves me correctly—which it couldn’t since this is an allegory and I wasn’t supposed to be there—the Pilates Chicken played country western music.
As it turned out, the Ol’ Bird wasn’t especially fond of country music. She would have preferred something along the lines of the 1960s era Beatles. Which is not exactly “music to do Pilates by,” either. Irma, however, seemed to enjoy the melodies.
And then there was the twisting. The Ol’ Bird discovered that despite her shapely drumsticks, plump chest, and preened feathers, she wasn’t in nearly the limber shape she’d thought previously. Her chickenstrings hurt like heck, and her back had a crick in it from all that twisting. Irma, though, had no trouble holding the poses, looking as if she were born that way.
“Work with your core colors,” the Pilates Chicken stated. Irma’s face took on a dreamy look. The Ol’ Bird had no clue what her core colors were, unless she counted red for blood and yellow for the little bit of chicken fat she was certain she didn’t have. So instead, she conjured green for the grass that needed to be mowed, pink for the flowers that needed weeding, and brown for the hamburger in the fridge that needed browning.
“Relax, clear your mind and center your being,” the Pilates Chicken intoned. Irma became motionless, tranquil. The Ol’ Bird, however, fell off the mat which the Pilates Chicken had so kindly loaned her.
When the class finished, the Ol’ Bird could barely walk. With bedraggled feathers and a pulled chickenstring, she limped out of the building, while her friend looked happy and refreshed. In fact, Irma clucked on and on about how much she enjoyed the experience until the Ol’ Bird became so exasperated she gave Irma a sharp rap on the head with her beak. Then the Ol’ Bird went home and soaked her sore muscles in a hot bird bath every night for a week, and vowed never to exercise again.
And so now you know the allegory of the chicken and the Pilates class.
What? You think there should be a moral to the story? Okay, how about this … no matter how fit you think you are, birds of a feather should never do Pilates together.
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
Book Review of "Leaning into the Curves" ... by C.L. Beck
Recently, the opportunity arose to do a review of the book, Leaning into the Curves, written by Nancy Anderson and Carroll Hofeling Morris, and the book sounded intriguing, so I accepted.
From the Back Cover of Leaning into the Curves
Molly is happy with her life the way it is, taking the classes she loves and performing with the Fiddling Finleys. But everything changes when her husband, Hank, retires. She's still trying to adjust to this new phase of life when he brings home a Honda Gold Wing—even though he knows she hates motorcycles! Things go from bad to worse when he joins the Temple Riders Association, a “Mormon motorcycle gang” that combines road trips with temple work. Faced with the prospect of being left behind when Hank rides with with his new friends, Molly starts making some changes of her own.
What Other People are Saying about Leaning into the Curves
A Mormon Motorcycle Gang?! Who knew?! The Temple Riders Association (TRA) is interesting enough on its own to fill a novel. When it enters the life of solid-as-a-rock Hank and artsy-motor-cycle-phobic Molly, it puts their marriage to the ultimate test. Though I'm not an empty nester, I related to many of the conflicts Molly and Hank have to resolve as they realize once again just how different they are. I found their adventures and the change in perspective they lead to both entertaining and enlightening. Leaning Into The Curves is populated with fun, colorful characters I won't soon forget. A wonderful novel for fiction lovers of any age. ~ Keri, customer review at DeseretBook.com
For a fun interview with the authors, go to LDS Women's Book Review.
My Opinion of Leaning into the Curves
I'd heard of the Temple Rider's Association before reading this book, so had a small inkling what the group did. However, I must admit that I had no in-depth idea how it worked or why they did it. Leaning into the Curves did a great job of explaining, in a fictional setting, that the group wasn't a "gang" and giving the reasons behind why the story's characters combined riding motorcycles with visiting LDS temples—that is, to ride motorcycles because they love the feeling of freedom and adventure, and to visit LDS temples in order to serve the Lord.
What I especially enjoyed about this book was the insight given into the minds of LDS women through the main character, Molly, and into the relationship issues that can arise between a husband and wife at retirement. There were several times when I laughed at the accurate, humorous way in which the authors portrayed the differences in how men and women think—especially when it came to Molly's fear of motorcycles, and Hank's feeling he no longer needed to be held to his promise to never ride one.
Although I don't think Anderson and Morris necessarily intended for the book to be a primer on the LDS culture and mindset, they did an excellent job of portraying both of those, and accomplished it with a fun, easy-to-read story. I'd recommend this book to both men and women ... just to get them thinking about retirement, how to spend time together without driving each other crazy, and the need to really express feelings in a relationship. Not to mention recommending it for the fun of reading a book that they'll enjoy!
The book is geared for readers who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons), and although those who aren't members might enjoy the story, there will be religious terms that are unknown to them. Despite that, anyone who can relate to enjoying motorcycles; to being at, or near, retirement age; or to the issues that crop up when husbands and wives spend a significant amount of time together will enjoy the book.
To Purchase Leaning into the Curves
You can purchase Leaning into the Curves at LDS bookstores near you, as well as online at DeseretBook.com.
(Disclosure: This book was given to me by Deseret Book, for review purposes. I was not compensated in any other way, and my opinion of the book is my own.)
Take a Bow ... by C.L. Beck
Today we’re discussing the environmentally friendly topic of recycled bathroom tissue. Yes, there really is such a thing, and it's not what you're thinking. But before we get into that, let’s talk about something of even greater importance—my husband’s inability to teach our dog, Corky Porky Pie, to bow.
Russ and Corky Porky have a wonderful relationship. Mostly because Russ feeds Corky snacks that put weight on both the man and his dog—things like Cheetos, jerky, and popcorn. There isn’t a single food that Russ and his best friend won’t eat. Well, except maybe lettuce. Probably because it’s healthy.
Russ also likes to teach Corky tricks. Things like, “Catch and eat this piece of hot dog.” “Catch and eat this piece of bacon.” “Catch and eat this sunny-side-up egg.”
Splat!
As is often the case with man and his best friend, the wife teaches the dog the important things. Commands like come, sit, stay, roll over, and play dead all fall under my jurisdiction.
Oh, and also the phrase, “Be quick.”
For those who can’t guess, that’s a polite way of telling the dog—when he’s outside—to go do his thing. I try never to give that particular command indoors. Which means I can’t ever say to Russ, “Shut that oven door before the cake falls, and be quick about it!”
We’ve had a few near accidents with the phrase. Russ often forgets that it’s a command and can’t be used as a question with the dog. He’ll be sitting in his recliner (Russ, not the dog) and when Corky goes into a barking frenzy—which should be a sign to Russ that the dog needs to go out—he’ll look at Corky Porky and say, “What? Do you need to be quick?”
That’s followed by a mad dash up the stairs and a race to get the dog out the door before he promptly follows Russ’s unintentional command to empty his bladder … in the house.
Now I know that there may be a few of you who don’t believe Corky Porky Pie can actually perform this command, but let me assure you, it’s true. I am not making this up, because if I were to make up a bizarre dog trick in the politically incorrect topic of doggy doody, it would consist of the dog scrubbing the toilet on command.
But, back to the subject. For seven years, Russ has been saying, “Bow!” and for seven years Corky has sat, rolled over, and played dead when told to bow. However, today Russ almost had a break through. Literally.
As I sat lacing up my tennis shoes so we could take a walk around the block, Russ said, “Look! Look! I’ve figured out how to make Corky bow. Watch.”
Corky Porky’s brown eyes filled with questions as Russ held half of him in place at one end and enticed him with a treat at the other. I felt certain that would only give the dog a brain cramp and he’d never learn the trick, so went back to tying my laces. Suddenly I heard a commotion and Russ saying, “Catch me, catch me, catch me!”
I know some of you reading this are men, but I’m guessing some of you are also women. Since those are the only two genders available in life, I think I have a pretty good chance of being mostly right on that. And if so, the women in the group will understand this is not meant as an insult toward men when I say that the thought zipped through my brain that guys try to teach their dogs the strangest tricks. What man needs a dog to catch him? If Corky tried to catch Russ, he’d end up as a flat, little Corky Porky pancake.
Naturally, that mental image only took a micro second to flash through my mind, to be replaced by a feeling of unease, so I looked up to see what was happening and saw Russ stumbling head first toward the living room wall. Apparently the words, “Catch me, catch me, catch me!” were not directed to the dog after all.
I looked at Russ and looked at the wall. An ol’ spring chick like me could never get up from tying shoes in time to prevent a turtle from creeping into the wall, much less prevent Russ from becoming an interesting part of the decor. It takes 20 minutes to unkink my hips and get them working, which is one reason why I’ve never won the Utah State Belly Dancing Championships. Well, that and because I don’t look good in a veil.
Fortunately, Russ put on the brakes, and stopped within inches. He caught his balance and said, "I went to stand up and used the recliner as leverage, but it spun in a circle instead and threw me at the wall.” Only Russ could have a fight with a recliner and lose.
Russ wiped the sweat from his brow, and took a deep, calming breath. So did I. Then not knowing what else to do, but wanting to show support, I clapped my hands in appreciation for his death defying feat.
And that's when Corky Porky took a bow.
That's all there is to the story ... except now I'm thinking that for Corky's next trick, Russ should teach him how to put a roll of that new, recycled TP onto the holder.
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck, all images © Bumblebee Photo/byTheBecks------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
That's When the Fight Started
Photo by Wayne Short, ©Wikimedia Commons
My friend and fellow writer, C. Larene Hall, sent me this in an email, and I couldn't resist sharing. Hope you laugh as much as I did! Drop off a comment and tell me which one was your favorite.
And That's When the Fight Started ...
One year, a husband decided to buy his wife a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's when the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- ------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And that's when the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's when the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, my book, my car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I thought I was being clever at her foolishness when I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway, so here, you can use this."
And that's when the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes," she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My gosh!" I said, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And that's when the fight started...
------Author unknown------
Fourth of July Fun
Photo © Bumblebee Photo/ByTheBecks
Here's a little humor and fun (no disrespect intended) for the upcoming Independence Day holiday. Hope you all have a wonderful July 4th, that you get to eat plenty of watermelon, and that you'll be careful with those fireworks!
Little Andy's First Day at School
Little Andy is at his first day of school, and Mrs Whyte, his teacher advises the class that each school day starts with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructs them to put their right hand over their heart and repeat after her.
As Mrs Whyte starts the recitation she looks around the room, "I pledge allegiance to the flag ...", when her eyes are drawn to Andy, who has his hand over the right cheek of his bottom.
"Andy, I cannot continue till you put your hand over your heart," she demands.
Andy looks up and replies, "It is over my heart."
After several more attempts to get Andy to put his hand over his heart, Mrs Whyte inquires, "Why do you think that is your heart, Andy?"
"Well Miss," answers Andy, "because every time my Grandma comes to visit she pats me there and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma never lies."
From: Will and Guy's Funny Clean Jokes
The Star Spangled Banner as Sung by Presidents of the United States
Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!
From: JibJab
Important People I Have Known ... by C.L. Beck
A Tongue-In-Cheek Look at the Vastly Famous People I've Met!
Last Friday I posted a guest article over at the Day Dreamer blog. I know it’s hard to believe that someone would invite me, but Christine Bryant did. Well, okay, she didn’t technically invite me. She sent a note out to thousands of writers calling for fun, witty authors who might want to write at her blog. I’m thinking that when she accepted my offer, she must have mistaken me for Dave Barry.
Okay, what? Yes, Dave Barry and I do look alike. He has brown hair and I have hair. He has eyes and I have eyes. We’re dead ringers for each other! In fact, he’s one of the many important people that I know. And if you click here, you can read all about how Dave Barry and I became personal friends.
But just so you’ll know, he’s not the only important person I’ve ever known. Roy Rogers is also on my list of best friends. He happened to be in Nevada in the ‘60s—that would be the 1960s, not the 1860s as my husband, Russ, might insinuate—and something broke down. I don’t think it was his horse, Trigger, and I’m pretty certain it wasn’t his wife, Dale Evans, but regardless, Roy ended up at the Air Force base in Tonopah, where my dad worked. Back then Tonopah was a little dinky town, sitting in the middle of a dust devil, in the wastelands of Nevada. Now it’s a little bit bigger dinky town, sitting in the middle of a nuclear, glowing dust devil in the wastelands of Nevada. And they call that progress!
But, I digress … so, I was just a kid but since Roy Rogers was my hero, my dad introduced me to him and Roy gave me his autograph. I’m sure it wasn’t given under duress, either. Well, pretty sure.
I sense that some of my readers might not believe me, so I’m posting the highly personalized autograph here. All right, all right, so it wasn’t really personalized to me, but was on a piece of 2x3 paper ripped out of somebody’s notepad, and signed by Roy. It's the signature that counts! In addition, the fact that I had my picture taken with him and he had his hand on my shoulder indicates our close, personal friendship. I would have gone to his funeral, years later, except I didn’t know where it was. And I’m sure the fact that I wasn’t invited was an oversight.
In addition to Dave Barry and Roy Rogers, I’ve also known Richard Nixon. Well, kind of. From afar. As in, “Seen him on television.” But, for what it's worth, I do have Nixon’s autograph. Honest, I am not making this up, because if I were going to pick a president to give me his autograph, it would surely not be Richard Nixon. It would be Abraham Lincoln—which might be a little tough because he’s dead.
That’s the way life goes, though. One minute you’re watching a play and the next you’re learning the strings on a harp.
Now I want everyone to realize that I’m not bragging. In fact, I’m not even sure why I’m bringing this topic up, except possibly because I have a blog due and these are the only thoughts in my brain at the moment.
So, onward and upward. The next important person in my repertoire of personal friends is … ummm, who else can I make up … er, I mean, who else do I know?
Oh yes, back to Richard Nixon. I have a picture of him and Vice President Spiro Agnew, who—for those who don’t remember Agnew—was also a crook. They’re shaking hands with people in a reception line. And I’m beginning to wonder why I have so much memorabilia from a vice president charged with extortion, bribery, and income tax evasion, and a president who was impeached and run out of office.
It just occurred to me that, despite what Russ says, I am far too young to remember Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew and even if it weren’t so, I would never have voted for them—much less been personal friends with them. So, I’m thinking that the Nixon picture and autograph are actually Russ’s junk. Umm, I mean, Russ’s treasures.
In the meantime, it wouldn’t be polite toramble on continue much longer on this timely topic of important people that I pretend to know am personal friends with, so I’ll write more about it another time in a future post.
Until then, drop off a comment and tell me who your friends are, if they're as important as mine, and if you have their autographs.
(Sorry, but the Incredible Hulk is not a real person and so his signature does not count. No, not even if he did save your life once.)
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
Last Friday I posted a guest article over at the Day Dreamer blog. I know it’s hard to believe that someone would invite me, but Christine Bryant did. Well, okay, she didn’t technically invite me. She sent a note out to thousands of writers calling for fun, witty authors who might want to write at her blog. I’m thinking that when she accepted my offer, she must have mistaken me for Dave Barry.
Okay, what? Yes, Dave Barry and I do look alike. He has brown hair and I have hair. He has eyes and I have eyes. We’re dead ringers for each other! In fact, he’s one of the many important people that I know. And if you click here, you can read all about how Dave Barry and I became personal friends.
But just so you’ll know, he’s not the only important person I’ve ever known. Roy Rogers is also on my list of best friends. He happened to be in Nevada in the ‘60s—that would be the 1960s, not the 1860s as my husband, Russ, might insinuate—and something broke down. I don’t think it was his horse, Trigger, and I’m pretty certain it wasn’t his wife, Dale Evans, but regardless, Roy ended up at the Air Force base in Tonopah, where my dad worked. Back then Tonopah was a little dinky town, sitting in the middle of a dust devil, in the wastelands of Nevada. Now it’s a little bit bigger dinky town, sitting in the middle of a nuclear, glowing dust devil in the wastelands of Nevada. And they call that progress!
But, I digress … so, I was just a kid but since Roy Rogers was my hero, my dad introduced me to him and Roy gave me his autograph. I’m sure it wasn’t given under duress, either. Well, pretty sure.
I sense that some of my readers might not believe me, so I’m posting the highly personalized autograph here. All right, all right, so it wasn’t really personalized to me, but was on a piece of 2x3 paper ripped out of somebody’s notepad, and signed by Roy. It's the signature that counts! In addition, the fact that I had my picture taken with him and he had his hand on my shoulder indicates our close, personal friendship. I would have gone to his funeral, years later, except I didn’t know where it was. And I’m sure the fact that I wasn’t invited was an oversight.
In addition to Dave Barry and Roy Rogers, I’ve also known Richard Nixon. Well, kind of. From afar. As in, “Seen him on television.” But, for what it's worth, I do have Nixon’s autograph. Honest, I am not making this up, because if I were going to pick a president to give me his autograph, it would surely not be Richard Nixon. It would be Abraham Lincoln—which might be a little tough because he’s dead.
That’s the way life goes, though. One minute you’re watching a play and the next you’re learning the strings on a harp.
Now I want everyone to realize that I’m not bragging. In fact, I’m not even sure why I’m bringing this topic up, except possibly because I have a blog due and these are the only thoughts in my brain at the moment.
So, onward and upward. The next important person in my repertoire of personal friends is … ummm, who else can I make up … er, I mean, who else do I know?
Oh yes, back to Richard Nixon. I have a picture of him and Vice President Spiro Agnew, who—for those who don’t remember Agnew—was also a crook. They’re shaking hands with people in a reception line. And I’m beginning to wonder why I have so much memorabilia from a vice president charged with extortion, bribery, and income tax evasion, and a president who was impeached and run out of office.
It just occurred to me that, despite what Russ says, I am far too young to remember Richard Nixon and Spiro Agnew and even if it weren’t so, I would never have voted for them—much less been personal friends with them. So, I’m thinking that the Nixon picture and autograph are actually Russ’s junk. Umm, I mean, Russ’s treasures.
In the meantime, it wouldn’t be polite to
Until then, drop off a comment and tell me who your friends are, if they're as important as mine, and if you have their autographs.
(Sorry, but the Incredible Hulk is not a real person and so his signature does not count. No, not even if he did save your life once.)
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
Those Funny Cats ... and Wanchai Ferry Giveaway
Eeee gads, another Monday has rolled around, and in my search for humor (Monday is a day that definitely needs humor) I went out to one of my favorite places, the Cheeseburger Site. Hope you enjoy the photos below as much as I did. If you get a second, leave a comment telling me your favorite—or whatever else you want to tell me—and you'll automatically be entered in the Wanchai Ferry Giveaway.
Speaking of that, Wanchai Ferry (and MyBlogSpark) gave me a package of Wanchai Ferry Frozen Beef and Broccoli to review ... well, actually to eat and then to review ... and it was delish! No kidding, I really liked it. Read more about it after you look at the fun photos, below.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
And now, on to the giveaway ...
Wanchai Ferry Giveaway: June 14-June 25, 2010. The gift pack includes a coupon for Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef, plus a cute tea set. (Mine had two Chinese style tea cups and two tins of organic green tea. Green tea is supposed to be very healthy, but if you're not a tea drinker, you can always give it away to friends!)
Wanchai Ferry's Opinion: Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées are perfect to have on hand for those nights you’re in the mood for Asian cuisine, but would rather enjoy it with a relaxing night in. Available in the freezer section of your local grocery store, Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées come complete with everything you need to make a restaurant quality meal in the comfort of your own home.
The newest Wanchai Ferry flavor, Beef & Broccoli, is the first beef dish in their line of great-tasting, complete Chinese meals for two. Ready to serve in only 14 minutes, Wanchai Ferry Beef & Broccoli comes with tender beef strips, and an assortment of Asian-style vegetables, including broccoli florets, red peppers and water chestnuts. It even includes rice and a rich brown sauce accented with soy and garlic for an authentic flavor experience.
Be sure to try the two additional new flavors of Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées, Kung Pao Chicken and Szechuan Style Chicken, which will soon join five other delicious varieties including Orange Chicken, Shrimp Lo Mein, Spicy Garlic Chicken and Sweet & Sour Chicken. Additionally, all of the entrées have no added MSG!
There is a $1.60 off coupon available at http://bricks.coupons.com/bstart.asp?o=63369&ci=1&c=GM&p=OMaEZjGT. Also check out the website at http://www.wanchaiferry.com/MealTips.aspx later this summer for meal tips to enhance your Wanchai Ferry frozen entrée.
My Opinion: I'm not normally a convenience food fan. I've tried frozen pizza, lasagna, Swedish meatballs, TV dinners, and numerous other convenience meals. Inevitably, I take a bite or two and throw the rest out. For that reason, I was more than pleasantly surprised with the Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef. The meal was easy to prepare and the food actually tasted really good, including the rice. The ingredients were top quality, and I finished my whole plateful!
To Enter the Giveaway: Leave a comment on this blog post before midnight on Friday, June 25, 2010. That's it. How easy can that be? Be sure to leave your email address if you're not a regular reader and I don't already have your address. The winner will be drawn and announced on or before June 28.
(This contest sponsored by Wanchai Ferry and MyBlogSparkTM . I received a free package of Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef for review and a tea set similar to the one mentioned previously, as a thank you for my participation. My opinions of the product are my own, however. Should the prize go unclaimed, a new winner will be chosen or the prize will be withdrawn, at my discretion and that of MyBlogSpark.)
----
Speaking of that, Wanchai Ferry (and MyBlogSpark) gave me a package of Wanchai Ferry Frozen Beef and Broccoli to review ... well, actually to eat and then to review ... and it was delish! No kidding, I really liked it. Read more about it after you look at the fun photos, below.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
And now, on to the giveaway ...
Wanchai Ferry Giveaway: June 14-June 25, 2010. The gift pack includes a coupon for Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef, plus a cute tea set. (Mine had two Chinese style tea cups and two tins of organic green tea. Green tea is supposed to be very healthy, but if you're not a tea drinker, you can always give it away to friends!)
Wanchai Ferry's Opinion: Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées are perfect to have on hand for those nights you’re in the mood for Asian cuisine, but would rather enjoy it with a relaxing night in. Available in the freezer section of your local grocery store, Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées come complete with everything you need to make a restaurant quality meal in the comfort of your own home.
The newest Wanchai Ferry flavor, Beef & Broccoli, is the first beef dish in their line of great-tasting, complete Chinese meals for two. Ready to serve in only 14 minutes, Wanchai Ferry Beef & Broccoli comes with tender beef strips, and an assortment of Asian-style vegetables, including broccoli florets, red peppers and water chestnuts. It even includes rice and a rich brown sauce accented with soy and garlic for an authentic flavor experience.
Be sure to try the two additional new flavors of Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées, Kung Pao Chicken and Szechuan Style Chicken, which will soon join five other delicious varieties including Orange Chicken, Shrimp Lo Mein, Spicy Garlic Chicken and Sweet & Sour Chicken. Additionally, all of the entrées have no added MSG!
There is a $1.60 off coupon available at http://bricks.coupons.com/bstart.asp?o=63369&ci=1&c=GM&p=OMaEZjGT. Also check out the website at http://www.wanchaiferry.com/MealTips.aspx later this summer for meal tips to enhance your Wanchai Ferry frozen entrée.
My Opinion: I'm not normally a convenience food fan. I've tried frozen pizza, lasagna, Swedish meatballs, TV dinners, and numerous other convenience meals. Inevitably, I take a bite or two and throw the rest out. For that reason, I was more than pleasantly surprised with the Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef. The meal was easy to prepare and the food actually tasted really good, including the rice. The ingredients were top quality, and I finished my whole plateful!
To Enter the Giveaway: Leave a comment on this blog post before midnight on Friday, June 25, 2010. That's it. How easy can that be? Be sure to leave your email address if you're not a regular reader and I don't already have your address. The winner will be drawn and announced on or before June 28.
(This contest sponsored by Wanchai Ferry and MyBlogSparkTM . I received a free package of Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef for review and a tea set similar to the one mentioned previously, as a thank you for my participation. My opinions of the product are my own, however. Should the prize go unclaimed, a new winner will be chosen or the prize will be withdrawn, at my discretion and that of MyBlogSpark.)
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How to Make Money Blogging When You're a Redneck... by C.L. Beck
Photo by US Coast Guard, Wikimedia Commons
Today we're discussing that highly relevant topic of whether or not the BP oil spill was actually an act of economic and environmental terrorism. But first, let's talk about something of even greater import—how to make money blogging when you're a redneck.
In this day and age of a tightened economy, and even tighter jeans worn by country western signers, it’s vitally important to know how to pick up a few dollars here and there. According to highly qualified experts like Dwight Yokum, Alan Jackson, and Frizz-Bee, the dog, we have the inalienable right, as American citizens, to blog.
I’ve tried blogging myself, and I can tell you it’s a fast, easy way to earn money. Well, as long as you do it the correct way. You can’t just write on any ol’ topic, such as “How to make your millions in the stock market.” A topic like that won’t get you any hits at all because we’ve all been fleeced by that one before and have nothing left to invest.
Okay, back up just a minute. Did I hear you ask, “What’s a hit?”? Well, if you're a redneck, it’s when someone takes a 2x4 to the back of your head and you’re not looking. Not that you could see it coming even if you wanted to, since you don’t have eyes in the back of your head.
To the rest of the world, though, a hit is when people stop at your web page. It doesn’t mean they have to read it. Maybe they stopped there by accident and were actually looking for creative ways to trim ear hair. Nope, as they say in redneck country, it makes no never mind.
But, those accidental hits aren’t going to bring you in much money, so you need to pick a good redneck topic if you want your friends to read it. Something like, “How to choose someone beside your first cousin as your future spouse” would be a good one. Or even, “How my Uncle Earl became my Aunt Earline.” That one worked well for me.
Next, type the article up on the library's computer, and print off a passel of them. Then go down to the local hardware store, where John-Bob boy works, and ask him to give you a few left over 2x4s so that you can build a little stand. After building it, go in and ask your mama or your sweetie … hopefully they’re not one and the same … if it’s okay if you make some
Another method that works well is to wait until your sweetie or your mama … once again, hopefully they are not one and the same … has gone to work, then drag the sofa, love seat, and other stuff that’s just cluttering up the house onto your lawn. Be sure not to put the big screen TV or your La-Z-Boy out there because Betty-Jo McCoy knows a good bargain when she sees one, even if she does have eyebrows that run together and needs to shave her upper lip. Having her walk off with your fifty-two inch, wide screen TV strapped to her back will bring almost as many tears to your eyes as pulling nose hairs.
Once you’ve put all your furniture out on the lawn—not too close to your old ’57 Chevy pickup that’s up on blocks, because someone might think it’s for sale, but someplace close to that old wringer washing machine that you promised you’d take to the dump ten years ago—rip off a piece of duct tape. Yes sir, I realize I forgot to tell you to bring the duct tape outside with you, but any redneck worth his salt has a roll of duct tape in his hip pocket.
Tape a copy of your blog to each piece of furniture, and taking a big piece of corrugated tin from the outhouse roof, write up a sign that says, “Blog articles, $7.50 each. Furniture free. PS: Do not touch my ’57 Chev pickup, or you’ll be whistlin’ the tune to ‘Deliverance’ through missing front teeth.”
That's all you need to do. Then sit back and watch the money roll in.
And what should you do if you’re from someplace other than redneck country? Well, bless your heart, it’s the same process, only you sell your blog article along with your
[Other than the above methods, have you made any money blogging? Better yet, have you made any money selling lemonade or do you carry duct tape in your pocket? Leave a comment and let us know!]
------© C.L. (Cindy) Beck------
This article sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.
Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!
How Twins are Made
Have you ever wondered how twins are made? Oh sure, we all know the biological information, but there's more to it than that, right? There's something almost magical about twins and so there's also something unique about the way they're created.
And one set of parents has finally figured it out and taken a picture ...
Photo courtesy of Funatico.com
(If you'd like to see the grown-up version, click here.)
Now, I'm curious ... if you had twins, would you dress them in shirts like that? Or would you think it's just a little too computer geeky? I'll leave my opinion in a comment, and will be anxiously pacing the floor, waiting to hear your thoughts!
And one set of parents has finally figured it out and taken a picture ...
Photo courtesy of Funatico.com
(If you'd like to see the grown-up version, click here.)
Now, I'm curious ... if you had twins, would you dress them in shirts like that? Or would you think it's just a little too computer geeky? I'll leave my opinion in a comment, and will be anxiously pacing the floor, waiting to hear your thoughts!
Those Funny Cats ... and Wanchai Ferry Giveaway
Eeee gads, another Monday has rolled around, and in my search for humor (Monday is a day that definitely needs humor) I went out to one of my favorite places, the Cheeseburger Site. Hope you enjoy the photos below as much as I did. If you get a second, leave a comment telling me your favorite—or whatever else you want to tell me—and you'll automatically be entered in the Wanchai Ferry Giveaway.
Speaking of that, Wanchai Ferry (and MyBlogSpark) gave me a package of Wanchai Ferry Frozen Beef and Broccoli to review ... well, actually to eat and then to review ... and it was delish! No kidding, I really liked it. Read more about it after you look at the fun photos, below.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
And now, on to the giveaway ...
Wanchai Ferry Giveaway: June 14-June 25, 2010. The gift pack includes a coupon for Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef, plus a cute tea set. (Mine had two Chinese style tea cups and two tins of organic green tea. Green tea is supposed to be very healthy, but if you're not a tea drinker, you can always give it away to friends!)
Wanchai Ferry's Opinion: Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées are perfect to have on hand for those nights you’re in the mood for Asian cuisine, but would rather enjoy it with a relaxing night in. Available in the freezer section of your local grocery store, Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées come complete with everything you need to make a restaurant quality meal in the comfort of your own home.
The newest Wanchai Ferry flavor, Beef & Broccoli, is the first beef dish in their line of great-tasting, complete Chinese meals for two. Ready to serve in only 14 minutes, Wanchai Ferry Beef & Broccoli comes with tender beef strips, and an assortment of Asian-style vegetables, including broccoli florets, red peppers and water chestnuts. It even includes rice and a rich brown sauce accented with soy and garlic for an authentic flavor experience.
Be sure to try the two additional new flavors of Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées, Kung Pao Chicken and Szechuan Style Chicken, which will soon join five other delicious varieties including Orange Chicken, Shrimp Lo Mein, Spicy Garlic Chicken and Sweet & Sour Chicken. Additionally, all of the entrées have no added MSG!
There is a $1.60 off coupon available at http://bricks.coupons.com/bstart.asp?o=63369&ci=1&c=GM&p=OMaEZjGT. Also check out the website at http://www.wanchaiferry.com/MealTips.aspx later this summer for meal tips to enhance your Wanchai Ferry frozen entrée.
My Opinion: I'm not normally a convenience food fan. I've tried frozen pizza, lasagna, Swedish meatballs, TV dinners, and numerous other convenience meals. Inevitably, I take a bite or two and throw the rest out. For that reason, I was more than pleasantly surprised with the Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef. The meal was easy to prepare and the food actually tasted really good, including the rice. The ingredients were top quality, and I finished my whole plateful!
To Enter the Giveaway: Leave a comment on this blog post before midnight on Friday, June 25, 2010. That's it. How easy can that be? Be sure to leave your email address if you're not a regular reader and I don't already have your address. The winner will be drawn and announced on or before June 28.
(This contest sponsored by Wanchai Ferry and MyBlogSparkTM . I received a free package of Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef for review and a tea set similar to the one mentioned previously, as a thank you for my participation. My opinions of the product are my own, however. Should the prize go unclaimed, a new winner will be chosen or the prize will be withdrawn, at my discretion and that of MyBlogSpark.)
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Speaking of that, Wanchai Ferry (and MyBlogSpark) gave me a package of Wanchai Ferry Frozen Beef and Broccoli to review ... well, actually to eat and then to review ... and it was delish! No kidding, I really liked it. Read more about it after you look at the fun photos, below.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
And now, on to the giveaway ...
Wanchai Ferry Giveaway: June 14-June 25, 2010. The gift pack includes a coupon for Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef, plus a cute tea set. (Mine had two Chinese style tea cups and two tins of organic green tea. Green tea is supposed to be very healthy, but if you're not a tea drinker, you can always give it away to friends!)
Wanchai Ferry's Opinion: Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées are perfect to have on hand for those nights you’re in the mood for Asian cuisine, but would rather enjoy it with a relaxing night in. Available in the freezer section of your local grocery store, Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées come complete with everything you need to make a restaurant quality meal in the comfort of your own home.
The newest Wanchai Ferry flavor, Beef & Broccoli, is the first beef dish in their line of great-tasting, complete Chinese meals for two. Ready to serve in only 14 minutes, Wanchai Ferry Beef & Broccoli comes with tender beef strips, and an assortment of Asian-style vegetables, including broccoli florets, red peppers and water chestnuts. It even includes rice and a rich brown sauce accented with soy and garlic for an authentic flavor experience.
Be sure to try the two additional new flavors of Wanchai Ferry frozen entrées, Kung Pao Chicken and Szechuan Style Chicken, which will soon join five other delicious varieties including Orange Chicken, Shrimp Lo Mein, Spicy Garlic Chicken and Sweet & Sour Chicken. Additionally, all of the entrées have no added MSG!
There is a $1.60 off coupon available at http://bricks.coupons.com/bstart.asp?o=63369&ci=1&c=GM&p=OMaEZjGT. Also check out the website at http://www.wanchaiferry.com/MealTips.aspx later this summer for meal tips to enhance your Wanchai Ferry frozen entrée.
My Opinion: I'm not normally a convenience food fan. I've tried frozen pizza, lasagna, Swedish meatballs, TV dinners, and numerous other convenience meals. Inevitably, I take a bite or two and throw the rest out. For that reason, I was more than pleasantly surprised with the Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef. The meal was easy to prepare and the food actually tasted really good, including the rice. The ingredients were top quality, and I finished my whole plateful!
To Enter the Giveaway: Leave a comment on this blog post before midnight on Friday, June 25, 2010. That's it. How easy can that be? Be sure to leave your email address if you're not a regular reader and I don't already have your address. The winner will be drawn and announced on or before June 28.
(This contest sponsored by Wanchai Ferry and MyBlogSparkTM . I received a free package of Wanchai Ferry Broccoli and Beef for review and a tea set similar to the one mentioned previously, as a thank you for my participation. My opinions of the product are my own, however. Should the prize go unclaimed, a new winner will be chosen or the prize will be withdrawn, at my discretion and that of MyBlogSpark.)
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