*C.L. Beck, author*

Sam's Club Pink Promotion Gift Card Giveaway

Posted by C.L. (Cindy) Beck

Tags: (Sam's Club, MyBlogSpark, breast cancer, giveaway)

As some may remember, breast cancer is an issue that is important in my life. My mom is a 15 year (plus) survivor, and is actively involved in a breast cancer survivor group, as well as in awareness activities. And one thing I like about this Sam's Club giveaway is that it's not only the opportunity for someone to win a $25 gift card, but also the chance to give back to breast cancer education and research by purchasing specially marked General Mills products. For example, my family loves Yoplait yogurt and I'm planning on purchasing some with the gift card I received through Sam's Club and MyBlogSpark.

What Sam's Club and General Mills Say
This October, by making simple everyday purchases at Sam´s Club, you can help support breast cancer education and research. Beginning September 19th, Sam´s Club stores will feature exclusive pink packaging on some of your favorite participating General Mills products in recognition of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Give back by purchasing your favorite cereal or snack!

For 5 years, General Mills has partnered with the Susan G. Komen for the Cure® Foundation to bring breast cancer support to local communities, and this year they are making their annual donation of $2 million to the foundation to advance breast cancer research and support education and community outreach projects.

Purchase specially-marked General Mills products like Cheerios and Fiber One 90 Calorie Brownies at your local Sam´s Club and help decide how half of that contribution will be donated by voting at PinkTogether.com from now until April 14, 2012.

General Mills´ donations will be divided between two important Komen programs: the Treatment Assistance Program, which assists women in securing care they otherwise may not be able to afford, and Prevention Research, which helps unlock the keys to preventing breast cancer. Voting results will be announced on Mother´s Day 2012.

Sam´s Club website http://bit.ly/samsclubweb
Sam´s Club on Facebook http://on.fb.me/SCFBook
Sam´s Club on Twitter http://bit.ly/SCTwitter
Pink Together on Facebook http://bit.ly/samsclubpink

Giveaway Rules
US entries only. Runs from Sep. 29 to Noon, MDT, Oct 4 2011.

To Enter: Leave a comment on this blog article. If you can't think of anything to say, mention in what ways you give back in the fight against breast cancer, or which of your favorite General Mills products you're most excited to see featured in the Pink Promotion at Sam´s Club.

If I don't already have your address, please leave your email, Twitter, or Facebook address so I can contact you. The winner will be announced on Oct 5.

(Thanks for entering! Disclosure: The information and gift card(s) have been provided by Sam´s Club and General Mills through MyBlogSpark. However, my opinions of the event, of the companies involved, or the quality of the products mentioned are my own. If for some reason there is no winner, or I can not get in contact with the winner, I will redraw or give the prize to charity, at MyBlogSpark's and my discretion.)

Gold Medal White Whole Wheat Flour Giveaway ... by C.L. Beck

Tags: (Gold Medal, MyBlogSpark, giveaway)

Wahoo, another giveaway! I love giving readers the chance to win something fun, tasty, and cool. This time, the giveaway prize pack contains a coupon for a sample of Gold Medal White Whole Wheat flour, a cool-looking cookie jar, and recipe cards. You can't beat that ... the flour to make cookies and a cookie jar to put them in!

I must admit that I used to believe it didn't matter what brand of flour I bought. Generic was fine ... or so I thought. Then I learned differently. The variety of wheat, as well as the quality of the flour, makes a huge difference in my finished product - whether it's brownies or banana bread, cookies or cake. And I've always felt Gold Medal was top quality!

What Betty Crocker/Gold Medal Says
Unlike most whole wheat flours that are made from hard red spring wheat, Gold Medal White Whole Wheat flour is made with hard white spring wheat. So, it’s whole grain, but with a similar taste and texture to all-purpose white flour. Perfect for family favorite recipes like breads, pizza dough, cookies, muffins and brownies, Gold Medal White Whole Wheat flour bakes up golden and has a milder flavor than baked goods made with regular whole wheat flour. From breakfast to dessert and everything in between, find classic recipes that use Gold Medal White Whole Wheat flour at www.bettycrocker.com and make adding whole grain to your daily routine even easier, without sacrificing on flavor.

Giveaway Rules
US entries only. Runs from Sep. 29 to midnight MDT, Friday, Oct. 14 2011

One entry: Leave a comment on this blog article. If you can't think of anything to say, try sharing what type recipe you'd use the Gold Medal White Whole Wheat flour in if you win.

Two entries: Tweet this contest, and leave a comment on this article giving your Twitter address so I can verify it's been done.

If I don't already have your address, please leave your email, Twitter, or Facebook address so I can contact you. The winner will be announced on Monday, Oct 17.

(Thanks for entering! Disclosure: The Gold Medal White Whole Wheat flour product, information, and giveaway have been provided by Gold Medal through MyBlogSpark. However, my opinions of the event, of the companies involved, or the quality of the products mentioned are my own. If for some reason there is no winner, or I can not get in contact with the winner, I will redraw or give the prize to charity, at MyBlogSpark's and my discretion.)

Who Needs a Cat Bed? ... by C.L. Beck

Who Needs a Cushy Cat Bed When You Have a Flowerpot?

Tags: cat, humor

Have a happy, Wordless Wednesday!

What a Dog Does When He's Cold

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh, Posted by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: dogs, pets

Here's a fun video for all the dog lovers out there. Now if only I could figure out how to teach the Corky Porky Pie this trick!

Waterfall in Alaska ... by C.L.Beck

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: Alaska, waterfall

Photo © Cindy Beck

Have a happy, Wordless Wednesday!
(Even though today is actually Thursday... again!)

Fun Betty Crocker Recipes ... by C.L. Beck

Ooo, Yummy, Give them a Try! ... posted by C.L. (Cindy) Beck

Tags: recipes, Betty Crocker

Not long ago I wrote an article about snacks to eat while watching Dancing with the Stars. Well, okay, not technically written by me, but by my alter-ego, Cindy Lynn. Anyway, it seems it was such a great idea that it made its way to the Betty Crocker kitchens.

Oh, all right. Probably not. But they must have been on the same wavelength because recently I received an email from MyBlogSpark about fun Betty Crocker food ideas that match favorite TV genres. And I thought some of you might enjoy the links for a few of the recipes, so here they are!

Betty Crocker's Fun and Delicious Food Ideas

Betty Crocker´s food experts have created fun and delicious food ideas that bring your favorite TV genres to life! And now they´re teaming up with reality TV star and "bachelorette" Trista Sutter to share more great ideas that are perfect for TV viewing parties with friends and family!

School Days

Put down your pencils and check out the shows that are sure to be on your honor roll this fall. We love sharing in the triumphs and heartbreaks our favorite students encounter on campus each week - whether they are belting out tunes in show choir, competing on the football gridiron, or just goofing off in study group.

Slushee Cup Cakes
Go to the head of the class with this new twist on the traditional poke cake. Two cupcakes are "poked" and splashed with fruity slushee syrup, then topped with colorful cherry or blue raspberry frosting and glittery sugar. You´ll give them an A! Get the recipe at bettycrocker.com/fanfare.

Center Stage Shows

Talent competitions are in the spotlight, as rising stars sing and dance their way to fame and fortune. But while contestants may come and go, it´s the judges - both spicy and sweet - whose personalities really keep us tuning in each week.

You Be the Judge Popcorn Mix
These pop corn mixes are customizable with a variety of flavors that bring personality to the table. Which one is your favorite - Sugary Sweet, Angry Jerk, Worldly Spice or Flaky Nut? You Be The Judge! Get the recipe at bettycrocker.com/fanfare.

It's All Relative

While the modern American family is being reinvented every day, we still relate to the all-too-familiar characters on our favorite family shows. Whether it´s the overachiever mom, the dad who´s trying to be cool, or the precocious but loveable kid, these characters are both smart and funny, especially when they come together over what really matters most.

Cheesy Po-Tot-Chos
You won´t have to ask twice to get everyone in front of this pile of potatoey tots, topped with cheese, salsa and fresh veggies like tomatoes and avocado. This twist on classic nachos is so good - it may be a fight to snatch the last tot! Get the recipe at bettycrocker.com/fanfare.

Geek Chic

The geeks are suddenly chic! The socially awkward, but super-smart set is all over the small screen this fall, speaking a language all their own. What they lack in social skills, they make up for in humor. We wouldn´t hold it against you if calculate a countdown until next week´s episode.

Solving for Pi Cheesecake
It´s a simple equation: mango + raspberry + cheesecake + pie = delicious! Take a cue from the molecular gastronomy trend and scoop up this deconstructed dessert that literally "pops" with flavor! Get the recipe at bettycrocker.com/fanfare.

----

A whole plethora of recipes are at the Betty Crocker site, and I've only picked a few to post here. Head out to bettycrocker.com/fanfare and take a peek. You're sure to find recipes you'd love to try. Or if you're a guy, to have your spouse fix so you can try!

If you get a minute, drop off a comment and tell me which recipes sounds best to you.

(Note: Details received from Betty Crocker through MyBlogSpark.)

Outside of Sitka, Alaska ... by C.L. Beck

Photo © Cindy Beck

Have a happy, Wordless Wednesday!
(Even though today is actually Thursday.)

A Blonde Paints the Porch ...

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh, Posted by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: blonde jokes, humor

The author is unknown on this blonde joke, but it came to me from my friend, Cathy Witbeck, and it had me laughing.

A Blonde Paints the Porch

Photo © lhumble

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby, well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes, and everything she needed were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "and by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

------

(All right, enough of that. I hear those groans out there! :0)

Look into my Eyes ...

by C.L. (Cindy) Beck

Photo © Cindy Beck

Have a happy, Wordless Wednesday!

I've Been Liebstered!

by Cindy Beck

Normally I wouldn't have a clue what being "Liebstered" means, and would quickly call the CDC to find out if it's infectious. Luckily for me, though, when Leisha Maw gave me the Liebster Award she also explained it wasn't a disease.

Whew (flinging sweat off brow), I'm sooo glad!

Thanks go to the awesome Leisha Maw for the award, and here are the rules:

Bestow the Liebster Award to awesome bloggers who, at the moment, have less than 200 followers. Then ...

1.) Show thanks to the blogger who gave the award by linking back to them.
2.) Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
3.) Post the award on your blog.
4.) Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the Internet – other writers.
5.) And best of all – have fun and spread the karma!

So, without further cause for alarm, (and while trumpets herald in the distance) here are my five picks for awesome writers:

My Rich and Random Life (Langley Cornwell)
Cathy Witbeck - Story Painter
Shirley Bahlmann Biz
Inksplasher (Karlene Browning)
On the Couch (Russ Beck) Okay, so we're related, but that doesn't mean I can't give him an award, right?

Have fun, y'all!

5 Rules to Remember

Posted by my alter-ego, Cindy Lynn
Tags: humor, happiness, Associated Content

5 Rules to Remember in Life

1. Money cannot buy happiness but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the so-and-so's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then, neither does milk.

~ Author unknown

And now that you've had a laugh ... if you're looking for other fun or interesting thoughts, check out my articles at Associated Content.

Until next time ...

~ Cindy Lynn
Author, Poet, and Philosopher at Associated Content

Sam's Club Giveaway and Box Tops for Education WINNER

By C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: giveaway, contest, freebies, Sam's Club, box tops for education

Oh yes, it's time to announce the Sam's Club Gift Card Giveaway winner. After putting the entries into the random generator at Random.org, the winner is ....

LANGLEY CORNWELL!

(Sorry about the shouting, but Langley lives a long ways away and I wanted her to hear me.)

Langley, please contact me with your full name, complete mailing address, and telephone number. I need all those to submit for your prize. It should arrive at your place within two weeks after it's submitted.

Thanks again to General Mills and MyBlogSpark for sponsoring the giveaway!

It Ain't No Picasso ... by C.L. Beck

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: Mythbusters, art, humor

Image by Ali Goksel.com

"Hey, look," I said, waving the newspaper under my hubby's nose. "There's an art competition at a local gallery. Should we enter a photo?"

Corky Porky Pie barked his agreement, but Russ continued watching Mythbusters. What is it that's so interesting about that show? After all, how many times can a guy watch Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman shoot chickens out of a cannon before figuring out that a frozen chicken can not fly under its own power?

I tried again in a dulcet tone, "HEY, CHICKEN BOY, DO YOU WANT TO ENTER THE ART SHOW?"

Oh, all right ... I'll admit it ... I hollered.

Apparently, my dulcet tone startled him. Russ jumped out of the chair like he'd been stung, and the Porky Pie ran around Russ's ankles, barking loud enough to pop balloons. Or at least ear drums.

I'd like to suggest that what followed happened in slow motion, but then Russ would probably submit the idea to Mythbusters so they could test the reality of slow motion by shooting chickens from a Howitzer. Which would probably only work with tiny, live chickens flying backwards as they're shot out of the cannon.

But, I digress. Unable to take a full step without killing the dog, Russ stumbled around, arms flailing, looking very much like ... dare I say it? ... a chicken with its head cut off. That is, until he finally managed to trip and land face down on the couch.

I raised my eyebrows. "So, did that little dance mean yes or no?"

"Brsghgtrxwvbpxuumph."

I reached over and patted Russ on the back. "Sorry, but I can't translate 'Brsghgtrxwvbpxuumph.' Maybe if you take your face out of the cushions it would help."

Russ raised his head, and for a minute I thought he might turn it completely around, like that chick (oh yes, another chicken reference; we are replete with them today) in The Exorcist. Instead, he blinked his eyes and replied, "I was asking which picture you wanted to enter."

The Porky Pie cocked his head and looked at Russ, then cocked it the other way and looked at me. Sometimes I think he's smarter than I give him credit.

I would've cocked my head in question, too, but didn't want to mimic the dog, so I scrunched my eyebrows instead. Something Corky Porky Pie is incapable of doing ... so far.

Giving it a significant pause, I said, "It is my considered opinion that we have a number of blue ribbon quality photos that are certain not to win. So let's find something strange, manipulate it in PhotoShop to make it stranger, and submit it."

Russ hefted himself off the couch and poked me lightly in the forehead with his finger. "You've heard of the movie, A Beautiful Mind? Well, you have a devious mind. Tell me, did I know that about you before we married?"

"Umm, I'm thinking not, but welcome to marital bliss, Chicken Boy."

For the next few minutes we discussed which strange photos we had that were suitable. We finally settled on one taken by Russ of an old guy in New Orleans, dressed in a woman's hat decorated with chicken feathers (well, okay, maybe it was plastic flowers), wearing lots of beads, a purple shirt with orange pants, and playing a ukelele-type instrument.

"He's considered to be local color in the French Quarter, plays the ukelele for money and is known all over the country. I paid him to let me take his picture." Russ's voice reflected pride in his artistic accomplishment.

I shook my head in disbelief. "Really? Local color? He looks more like a nut. Who wears beads and a flowered hat after Labor Day? I hope you didn't pay him much."

Turns out Russ didn't, but I'm not going to tell how much he paid because it might make him look cheep ... er ... cheap.

On the day of the deadline, we gathered two other unusual pictures, along with the one of the ukelele-man-who-thought-he-was-a-woman that I'd weirded up ("weirded up" ... is that a real phrase?) and submitted them.

Several weeks later, we received an invitation to attend an "Artist's Open House" to view the winning entries. We dressed in nice clothes, because the press was scheduled to attend.

When we arrived, imagine our surprise to find a bearded gallery curator wearing jungle shorts and sandals. I whispered to Russ, "I don't think I weirded that photo up enough."

To make a long story short, our ukelele-man-who-thought-he-was-a-woman won third place. We were tickled until we saw the first place photo.

Russ stared at it for a long time, while trying not to look like he was staring. "Wow, I didn't know you were allowed to enter naked people."

"Me either," I said. "And that photographer might have taken the grand prize, instead of just first place in photography, if he'd gone to the trouble to weird up that woman and give her three of something. After all, it worked for Picasso."

------

[Note: Although I've posted humor articles here for quite some time for YourLDSNeighborhood.com, clicks on their newsletter indicate a demographic that's more interested in serious topics. For that reason, I'll no longer post humor articles for them here, and will post serious articles twice a month for them at my other blog, Cindy Beck: Meandering Thoughts. If you're interested, stop by there and click to follow through Google Friend Connect, or to follow by email. Thanks for reading my humor articles in the past!]

------ "It Ain't No Picasso" © C.L. (Cindy) Beck, 2011------

This blog sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.

Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!

Sam's Club Giveaway and Box Tops for Education

By C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: giveaway, contest, freebies, Sam's Club, box tops for education

I'm so excited because I haven't had a giveaway in quite a while, and this is a cool one. So ... ta-da! It's time once again for the Sam's Club $25 gift card giveaway. (Don't you just love the chance for a free gift card?)

What Sam's Club Says
It seems like just yesterday when the kids came home from school, threw their back-packs on the floor and chanted, "It´s summer!" But as the hustle and bustle of back-to-school quickly approaches, Sam´s Club wants to remind you that it´s never too early to start collecting Box Tops. This year, Sam´s Club and Box Tops for Education can help you prepare for the fall when you shop their back-to-school event.

Earn more cash for your local school at Sam´s Club this August with the 6 Box Tops on a Pack promotion.

When you purchase participating Box Top items, you can collect even more Box Tops on some of your favorite General Mills brands such as Honey Nut Cheerios, Nature Valley Oats 'N Honey Crunchy Granola Bars, Totino´s Pizza Rolls, and more!

Sam´s Club has your favorite back to school items from computers to clothing, and at the best values.

Plan ahead and take advantage of the savings made simple at Sam´s Club. Your wallet - and your local school - will be thanking you! To learn more about the Box Tops Education Program and how you can help contribute to your school, visit BoxTops4Education.com

A Few Links
Sam´s Club Website http://bit.ly/samsclubbtfe
Sam´s Club Facebook http://on.fb.me/samsclubfacebook
Sam´s Club Twitter http://bit.ly/samsclubtwitter
Box Tops for Education Website http://bit.ly/samsclubboxtops

Giveaway Rules (Aug 1-7, 2011)
Leave a comment on this blog article from now until midnight, MDT, Aug. 7, 2011. If you can't think of anything to say, try sharing which General Mills´ products you might be most excited to see featured in the "6 Tops on a Pack" offer at Sam´s Club! (As for me, I like to see them on Rice and Corn Chex, because I love to use those two cereals to make Party Mix and Mexican Munchies!)

If I don't already have your address, please leave your email, Twitter or Facebook address so I can contact you. The winner will be announced on Monday, Aug 8.

(Thanks for entering! Disclosure: The Sam´s Club gift card, information, and giveaway have been provided by General Mills through MyBlogSpark. However, my opinions of the event, of the companies involved, or the quality of the products mentioned are my own. If for some reason there is no winner, or I can not get in contact with the winner, I will redraw or give the prize to charity, at MyBlogSpark's and my discretion.)

"Hang 'Em High" and Authorama

Thought you'd like to hear this exciting news from my friend and fellow author, Tristi Pinkston....

Author Tristi Pinkston is excited to announce the release of the third novel in her Secret Sisters Mysteries series.

Titled Hang ‘em High, this novel takes place on a dude ranch in Montana. When Ida Mae’s son invites her to come for a visit, of course she brings Arlette and Tansy along with her. They are expecting to spend the week looking at horses, avoiding the cows, and making amends in Ida Mae’s relationship with her son. What they don’t expect is to be stuck on the ranch in the middle of a blizzard and to be thrust headlong into the middle of a mystery.

***

Help Tristi celebrate her new novel in two ways. First, come participate in the two-week-long blog contest, where you can win a book nearly every single day! All the details are up on Tristi’s blog.

Second, come to the book launch!

You are invited to an

August Authorama!

Saturday, August 13th

Pioneer Book, 858 S. State, Orem

12 – 4 pm

Games, prizes, balloons, face painting,

and Dutch oven cobbler

prepared by world champion cook

Keith Fisher.

Authors Tristi Pinkston, J. Lloyd Morgan, Cindy Hogan,

Nichole Giles, and Heather Justesen

will all be there to sign books.

This is one book launch event

you will not want to miss!

A Hair-raising Event ... by C.L. Beck

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: hair-raising event, hair, humor

Photo © tnimalan

Today I'm writing about those hair-raising events that happen to all of us in life ... tornadoes ... earthquakes ... haircuts.

Not long ago, I went to get my golden locks trimmed. Oh, don't look at me that way—okay, I went to get my gray locks trimmed. My stylist works from her home and as I got out of the car and walked to the door, I noticed her cat, sitting in the yard and pondering something.

"Hey, cat, what are you thinking?" I asked. In psychiatric terms, talking to a cat has a name, but I forget what's it's called. Probably Alzheimer's disease. Nonetheless, in small towns people look more favorably upon the uniqueness of each individual's quirks, and so my neighbors don't even comment about my habit of talking to critters.

At least not to my face.

But ... I digress. I waited, but the cat didn't answer. Instead, she gave this little hop, ran a step or two and gave another hop.

"Ah ha! Miss Meow is up to something," I said, only this time under my breath so that the neighbors didn't think I was crazy.

I walked closer, watching the cat pounce around the yard like a furry Slinky. And then I saw it—a little gray mouse not smart enough to stay close to bushes and trees, or to hide. Instead, it had meandered across the dry grass, in plain sight of Miss Meow.

A door slammed behind me and I jumped in surprise. A voice said, "Cindy, why are you standing out here, staring at Miss Meow? Have you been talking to the animals again?"

Turning, I saw my hairstylist standing on the porch, her blow dryer pointed accusingly at me, like a modern day gunslinger about to blow me away. Except she was more like a hairslinger.

My cheeks flushed warm, and I wasn't sure if it was from guilt or the hot sun. Not wanting to admit I'd been talking to the cat, I ignored her, walked onto the porch and gestured toward the feline in question. "She's catching a mouse."

"Eeeeeeewwwww!" Mrs. HairSlinger wrinkled her nose. "I hate mice!"

"Yes, but they have a place in the cosmos, in God's great plan for the eternities, with each creature created by a loving Heavenly Father who—"

"They stink up the house!" Mrs. HairSlinger interjected, pinching her nose closed with two fingers. "And they're creepy. They jump and run up your pant legs."

She had a point there, and mice weren't necessarily my favorite, but rather than watch my reputation as Mrs. Doctor Doolittle flushed down the drain, I tried again. "Creepy? Not hardly. What about Mickey Mouse? He's cute."

Mrs. HairSlinger placed her hand on my forehead and mumbled, "She doesn't seem to have a temperature. Maybe the neighbors are right, and she's just plain nuts."

I cocked one eyebrow. "I heard that. Just because I'm an animal lover doesn't make me deaf, you know."

She opened the screen door, and motioned for me to step inside. "You do realize that Mickey Mouse is a cartoon character, right?"

"Humph! Of course I do." I glanced back at Miss Meow, who by now had managed to capture the pitiful creature and was slinking toward the porch with it in her mouth. It gave me the heebie-jeebies. I jumped into the house, Mrs. HairSlinger followed faster than a speeding a bullet, and we slammed the door.

A sly smile crossed her face. "I thought you loved animals?"

"I do, but mice are a little lower on my list, and although I love Mickey Mouse, I have to admit I'm not partial to a wild one running up my leg."

An hour later, with my golden locks trimmed to perfection (yes, I said golden and neither I, nor Miss Clairol, are taking it back), I walked to the front door with Mrs. HairSlinger following. Opening it, I turned to her and jokingly said, "I hope that mouse isn't still out here because—"

"Aaaaaaaaeeeeee!"

A 500-decibel scream from her ripped through my eardrums, and I panicked. Having no clue what the problem was, I didn't know if I should duck and cover, or run. She grabbed my arm in a grip I would have described as vice-like, if it hadn't been for her nails piercing my muscles and coming out through the other side. It made it a little hard to bolt for the car.

She pointed at the welcome mat. There lay the mouse, dead as can be and left for us as a gift, albeit an unwelcomed one, from Miss Meow.

In retrospect, I found it pretty funny—well, after my hearing returned two weeks later—but I'm not so sure Mrs. HairSlinger will ever be the same again.

------ "A Hair-raising Event" © C.L. (Cindy) Beck, 2011------

This blog sponsored by YourLDSNeighborhood.com.

Please show your appreciation by stopping for a visit. And take a minute to check out their newsletter, and yourLDSRadio as well!

My Wonderful A+ Blood ... by C.L. Beck

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: blood drive, humor

Photo © wgroesel

As I knelt on one knee in the damp soil of the flower bed, with the wind blowing my hair so I looked like Medusa—the woman with snakes for hair—I remembered that I'd signed up to give blood. Aaackk!

There was no time to shower and change, so I rushed into the house, washed my face, and then....

"What is that overpowering stench?" I asked Corky Porky Pie, who had just walked into the room. "Is it coming from you or me?" I sniffed my armpits. They smelled like my current deodorant flavor of the day, sweet peas. No, the odor definitely wasn't an arm-pitty smell, but more like wet garden gloves.

"No time to figure it out," I said to the dog, who licked the muddy knees of my pants with enthusiasm. I splashed on a little Ode-de-Perfume, and dashed out the door, ready to donate a quart of my wonderful A+ blood. Or was that A- blood? I wasn't quite sure which, but an A+ was always better than an A- in my book.

Speaking of pluses, minuses, and all those statistical type things, have you ever noticed that when you have a 50-50 choice of entrances, no matter which you choose, it will always be the wrong one? I'm sure there's some sort of Cosmic Rule of Diminishing Doorways insuring that.

Case in point: At the previous blood drive, I entered the building on the north side and the line started in the south hallway. This time I entered on the south side, and the line started ... you guessed it ... in the north hallway.

After wending my way around the building, I finally found the right place, where an official-looking, blood-sucking lady at the door said, "Your driver's license, please."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise without even asking my permission. "I don't intend to drive the blood anywhere. I thought I'd just let it drip out of my veins into that cute little bag you have hanging there," I said, while fishing out my license.

She checked it carefully, scrutinizing the photo. I'm thinking she wanted to make sure I wasn't a terrorist. Either that, or a burglar in disguise who wanted to rob the blood bank.

Handing my license back, she pointed to a sign on the wall and said, "Please read that."

Was this a blood drive or an eye exam? I started reading each letter on the first five lines:

I F
Y O U
H A V E A
C O L D D O
N O T D O N A T E

What? I thought eye charts were supposed to start with the letter E? "Excuse me, but there's something wrong with your eye chart. It doesn't have the right letters."

"It's not an eye chart," she said, looking at me like I needed to give blood in person at the state mental hospital. "It's a list of diseases and symptoms that make you ineligible to donate."

There I was, with my wonderful A+ (or maybe A-) blood, and they might not want it? I read the sign out loud, "Please do not donate if you have a cold, allergy, flu or any of their symptoms."

I was crushed and turned to her. "You mean you don't care if I have AIDS, hepatitis, beri-beri or leprosy? They're not even on the sign. But if I have one small sniffle from an allergy, phhhhtttt ... I'm out the door? My A+ corpuscles and I are rejected?"

The blood-sucker woman's eyes narrowed, and I decided it was time to go. Not wanting anyone to get the wrong idea about my reasons for being rejected, though, I announced to all within hearing, "The Centers for Disease Control need to watch out for allergies, or before you know it, everyone will have them. Right now it might just be drug users and those living alternative life styles that have allergies, but very soon everyone will. If those groups would just practice safe nose blowing, the spread of allergies would be stopped!"

People turned and looked at me with blank expressions. I'm thinking it's because they not only failed the eye exam, but the hearing exam as well. Despite that fact, I continued, "It isn't my fault that I'm the innocent victim of allergies." By now people were moving totally to the other side of the room and whispering. No doubt in pity over my rejection.

"Thank you for your sympathy!" I emphasized my plight by whipping the back of my hand up against my forehead—almost knocking myself out in the process. Heaving a sigh, I proceeded with great dignity and exited out the nearest door ... which turned out to be the entrance.

So much for giving blood. And to think I went to all that trouble to make sure I didn't smell like a wet garden glove. As it turned out, being rejected for the blood drive was the high point of my day, next to seeing this little green snake in the grass while I was weeding. However, I'll save that exciting event for another day because you're probably getting ready to go donate blood yourself.

Just remember not to sneeze while you're there ... and good luck on the eye exam.

------ © C.L. (Cindy) Beck, 2011------

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Happy July 4 Holiday ... The Greatest Play in Baseball

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: July 4, holiday, baseball

Although this doesn't contain humor, it's a great video full of patriotism for you to enjoy this July 4 holiday. Have a safe, wonderful celebration!

If you have a second, drop off a comment. What do you think about Rick Monday's actions?

Shopper Glug to the Rescue ... by C.L. Beck

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: lifestyle, humor

Photo © sxc.hu/hortongrou

Not long ago I wrote about how I tried to glue my armpits together using Super Glue. Well, okay, it wasn't that I actually tried to do that because only a nut would intentionally glue her armpits closed. But, since that particular incident was just one of several with the stuff, you'd think I would've been extra careful about where I put the bottle....

The other night we were lying in bed, and I heard what sounded like an otherworldly moan. Sitting straight up, I looked around the room for ghosts. Seeing none, I checked out Corky Porky Pie, the dog. He lay asleep on the floor, and although his legs were kicking like he was chasing something, I doubted it was the ghost in question.

"Ooooohhhhh." The voice moaned piteously, with an inflection that sounded almost familiar. I waited, hoping the voice would give up and go to sleep.

"Oooooohhh, ooooohhhh, ow."

I rolled over and looked at my hubby. "What's the matter, Russ?"

He grimaced as if dying, and I wondered if he was having a heart attack. Or a stroke. Or maybe bad gas. At his age, anything was possible.

"My leg has been injured somehow. Did you forget to chew off your toenails this week and have you accidentally sliced my leg from kneecap to ankle? It hurts terribly."

Scrunching up my face at the insulting idea that a woman as classy as I would chew off anything other than her fingernails, I tried to remain compassionate. "No, I didn't do it. Maybe you scratched yourself with your own toenails. Let me take a look and see if it needs a band-aid."

Russ turned on the light and moved back the covers on his left leg. I looked closely, saw nothing, and asked, "Where is it? I see a hairy leg, but no cut."

He rolled his eyes in what I thought was pain. Or maybe he had lint in his eye. Then again, it might have been cataracts. At his age, anything was possible.

He pointed to a spot halfway between his knee and ankle, and I inspected it thoroughly. Well, as thoroughly as I could, considering my glasses lay on the nightstand instead of perched on my nose. "There's nothing there," I announced, and then started to roll back over.

"No, it's there. You just didn't look hard enough," he groaned, bending his leg so he could point to the problem.

If there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's that men are big wimps. Women can go through 24 hours of labor and then get up, nurse the newborn, straighten the house and fix a gourmet meal for ten.

A guy stubs his toe and he requires bed rest for a week.

I put one eye right down on Russ's bent knee, narrowly missing a stab in the eyeball with a leg hair. "Oh yeah, I kinda see something that looks like a little irritation. Let me go get that bottle of liquid bandage that I just bought, and in no time at all you'll feel better."

A few seconds later, I came back with it, brushed the liquid on his miniscule cut, and then blew on it so it would dry. "There, it should feel a lot better. Now go to sleep."

Russ half straightened his leg and with a scream that sounded more like a cat caught in a trap than a man with a tiny boo-boo, he leaped out of bed and hopped in circles. Probably from the pain. Or maybe for exercise. Then again, it might have been from Tourette's Syndrome. At his age, anything was possible.

"What did you put on there?" he said, through gritted teeth. "That isn't a band-aid; it's something that's pulling all the hairs off when I try to straighten my leg!"

I cocked my head. Liquid bandage didn't usually do that. I put on my glasses and looked at the small bottle. "Ummm ... yup, liquid bandage all right."

Russ grabbed it from me. I tried to grab the bottle back, but he held it behind him with one hand and reached for his glasses with the other. Pushing them on lopsided, he closed one eye, squinted with the other, and tried to get the words in focus. Finally, he said, "Shopper Glug?"

I laughed, straightened his glasses for him and said, "Read it again." In retrospect, I realize I shouldn't have done that. No, not laugh. Straighten his glasses so he could read.

"Super Glue," he read slowly. "Are you telling me you put Super Glue on my leg, thereby super-gluing my leg hairs together?"

I shrugged and tried my best to put on an innocent-little-girl expression. "Yes, but it was an accident. I didn't have my glasses on and I thought it was liquid bandage."

Russ spent the rest of the night rubbing at the glued hairs on his leg in an effort to loosen the stuff so it didn't pull. By morning, he had a bald spot there, but at least I could see that he really did have a cut. Albeit, a small one.

And I figure he should count himself lucky ... at least I didn't glue his armpits together.

------"Shopper Glug to the Rescue" © 2011 C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

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Hammocks for Two ... by C.L. Beck

Stories and Humor to Make You Laugh by C.L. (Cindy) Beck
Tags: summertime, fun, humor, hammock

Nothing's more fun than being in the woods in the summer. It's peaceful. And calm. Very calm. Maybe a little too calm, so I decided to put up the hammocks in hopes of generating some variety to the peace and quiet.

Now let me explain. There's only one right way to get into a hammock. I back up to it, grab it and spread the material out underneath my little derrière, then sit on it as if it's a chair, while swinging my legs up onto it. Aaahh, yes. Comfort.

Naturally, as soon as I moved myself into pre-launch position at the hammock's side, Russ decided to give instructions on the proper method. "That's not the way you do it. You'll end up falling out. You should step over the hammock with one foot so that you're straddling it. That way the hammock will stay open and you won't fall when you sit in it."

Humph. "I've been sitting in hammocks this way for years and trouble has never even batted an eye," I said, sending a look of superiority in his direction.

Naturally, Russ just raised his eyebrows in that non-verbal way that says, "I know better."

I shot back a look that said ... well ... never mind what it said. Suffice it to say we both proceeded to get into the hammocks in our own unique ways. Except mine was right and his was wrong.

Lying next to each other in a shady glen, listening to the birds chirping and the scent of wildflowers wafting on the air is a lovely experience. I wouldn't know that for a fact, though, because Russ started swinging and banging into me in a version of something that could only be called, "Bumper hammocks."

After enjoying the camaraderie—which really meant I was tired of losing at bumper hammocks—I decided it was time for something else. I opened the bag of cheese puffs, and threw a few at Russ—a game I liked immensely since I was the only one with a bag of puffs. I wiped the cheese dust from my hands onto a napkin and threw that at him, too. Then I said for his edification, "When one does hard work, such as throwing snacks at one's spouse, it always makes a body thirsty. I think I'll get some juice."

I left the hammock, walked over and poured big glasses of icy, cold orange juice, but when I arrived back at the hammocks, my brilliant brain quickly spotted a problem. It's impossible to hold two glasses of liquid refreshment, take off shoes, and sit down in a hammock at the same time.

I handed Russ's glass to him. "Here, take this." He took it and promptly started sipping and reading a book. Yes, it's true; he can do both at the same time.

Sidling up to my hammock, I switched the glass of juice to my left hand so I could undo my shoes with my right, and prepared to enter the hammock. The right way. Backside first.

My mama didn't raise no dummy—I glanced behind to be sure the hammock was really there. After all, it would never do to have Russ proven right about the way to get into the hammock. It sat there unopened and only about an inch wide. But hey, sitting down would take care of that. Holding my glass high, I sat on the inch-wide strip of fabric.

The hammock swung out from beneath me; I flipped over backward and flew through the air, the glass still clutched tightly in my hand.

"Ohhhhhh," Russ said with a gasp. I felt certain it was out of concern for my little derrière, but it could have been a gut reaction from the sixteen ounces of ice-cold juice that flew from my cup and splashed in his face.

As I lay on the ground, legs sticking up in the air, and an empty glass in my hand, I heard Russ say, "See? I told you that you're supposed to straddle a hammock to get in it. I hope you're all right, though, because I have orange juice in my eyes, so I can't see to get over there and help you up."

I looked at him. His glasses appeared to have a bad case of orange measles. His white T-shirt looked like someone had tie-dyed it orange, and his book had splotches all over the page.

To make a long story short, I finally managed to get up, all the while explaining that there was nothing wrong with the way I tried getting into the hammock. It all happened because I was taking off my shoes. Because the hammock was getting old. Because I had cheese puff dust on my fingers. Because Mars and Venus were in the eastern sky.

None of those reasons convinced Russ. We hung his shirt on a tree and it took two hours to dry. But, the interesting part was getting the sticky stuff off his arms and face. I held the water jug over his head and poured ice-cold water over him. Yes indeedy, if there's one thing I'm good at when we go up to the woods, it's bringing plenty of cold water. That and I excel at getting into hammocks.

Now the major question is this ... will Russ refuse to visit the woods ever again?

Naw, I don't think so. Why would he do that when it's so peaceful and calm?

------"Hammocks for Two" © C.L. (Cindy) Beck------

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